He says to Omarr, “You lost?”
Omarr replies, “Naw, man. Just catchin’ up with a friend. ”
Ghost looks my way than back at Omarr.
He says, “Friends don’t make each other look like Tina looks right now. ” He steps closer to Omarr and whispers, “Do I need to take this to Uncle Jerm or are you going to let it go with some dignity?”
Omarr stands taller, forces a smile, and responds “Naw, man. No problems here. Just visiting. ” Omarr turns to me and says, “Sorry I upset you, Tina. Won’t happen again. ”
And then he’s gone.
I walk backwards to the wall, put a hand on the wall, and place the other on my chest. I think I’m having a panic attack.
Ghost walks towards me, puts his hands on my cheeks, and forces my face to look into his.
Calmly he instructs me, “Breathe, Tina. Just breathe. Nice and easy. There you go. ”
I try control my breathing as Nat appears with an ice pack for my flushed face and neck.
Ghost takes the ice pack from Nat and gently runs it along my neck and cheeks.
He looks at her and says, “Thanks for calling. ”
She nods but remains focused on me. I haven’t had a panic attack in a year. I don’t feel like I’m in control of my own body and that sucks. I definitely did not miss these.
Nat puts a hand on my forehead and whispers, “You’re safe. You’re grounded. Calm yourself, babe. ”
I nod and close my eyes. My heart won’t stop racing.
Nat comes closer to my ear and whispers, “Remember how Mia always said My instead of I so when she would ask for something it would come out My want to watch a movie or My want candy?”
I smile at the memory. I nod and my breathing slows slightly.
She goes on, “Or how she couldn’t say the letter L properly so she would say Mia wants yunch instead of lunch?”
I chuckle. I’m sweating like a pig but I can breathe deeply now. I nod.
Nat chuckles quietly, “Remember when she emptied a whole container of baby powder on the couch and was throwing it around like snow?”
I burst into laughter but it quickly dissolves into silent sobs. I slide down the wall and sink to the floor. My body is boneless.
Mia is gone. My precious baby. All I have are those memories.
Nat sits down next to me and holds my limp, shaking body. I feel her body shake with mine. Mourning my daughter together. A true friend feels your pain and knows nothing they say can compose you, but a simple embrace can be worth more than any words ever could.
Without warning I stand, take the flower arrangement, and walk out the door. My blood boils and my breathing heavies. I shriek as I throw into the street and watch as a car runs over it.
It was a two hundred dollar gift. Now it’s nothing but trash. Just like the person who gave them to me.
I turn on the sidewalk to see Ghost and Natalie standing in Safira’s entry smiling.
I close my eyes and breathe deep.
After gathering back what is left of my mind, I walk over to Ghost and kiss his cheek. I kiss Nat’s right after.
I walk right into the stock room, close the door, sit on my desk and sob.
***