I reply, “Really really. ”
She smiles up at me. I’m just about to kiss her when she jerks back and says, “I’m clean too by the way! I got tested after…after him. And I’m squeaky clean. And no. No babies. ”
That last statement sounded a bit too sharp for my liking.
I grip her tight and rub her back. I ask, “But you want children someday, right?”
She backs away from me. Her face voids and I get the feeling I’m not going to like her answer.
She shakes her head, swallows hard and says slowly, “No, Nik. I decided not to have children. And no, there is no changing my mind about it. This wasn’t a decision I made easily. Believe me. ” She finishes on a whisper.
Well, shit.
I want kids. I was thinking that Tina would be the one to give them to me. This is a blow to the gut for me. I was excited at the prospect of children and I wanted to be a daddy to Tina’s beautiful children. It’s all part of the fantasy in my head. Tina is my wife and we live together in a nice house with three kids and a dog. The dog was actually Bear but that isn’t an option now.
I’m stunned speechless. I don’t know what to say. I’m so disappointed right now.
I obviously don’t hide my disappointment well. I catch Tina’s shining eyes and she says, “I understand if this changes things for you. I really do. Just think about it and let me know if this is still a relationship you want to be a part of. Because I won’t have children. Or adopt. I… I just can’t. ”
She sounds tortured.
She turns and walks out of the office. I don’t follow her.
This really does change things.
I need time to think.
Chapter Twenty-two
Fort Knox
Tina was on my mind all damn night.
We haven’t spoken since she let me in on her blatant refusal to have children.
I shuffle around papers on my desk while I think.
I’m thirty five years old. I’m definitely not getting any younger and spent most of my adult life believing I’d someday have children.
I wanted children.
Then hurricane Tina tore through my life and my heart. I built her up so much. I was sure she was perfect.
Now, she’s not quite perfect anymore.
But does that mean she’s any less perfect for you?
Let’s think about it.
There is no way I’m selling The White Rabbit which means all my weekends would be demanding and hectic. I wouldn’t be able to spend weekend nights with my family anyway.
I’d love for Tina to be with me at the club and she won’t be able to do that if she’s pregnant or at home with our kids. Also, she owns Safira. How would she be able to work with a child to look after?
It would be unfair to have her watch our babies all day then be exhausted all night when I have club business til late in the evenings. She’d basically be raising a child alone.
What kind of father would that make me?
I love Tina.