It starts.
My heart thumped excitedly. Putting on my sexy smile, I unbuttoned his jeans and whispered, “Gladly. ”
It was dirty and awesome. There we were in the front seat of his sexy car, in The White Rabbit’s parking lot with his seat pushed back. Me, leaning over the seat to take him into my mouth, my bare ass in the air, a free show to anyone who walked past. By the time Ash was ready to blow, I was ready to blow myself. Through a groan, he said “It’s coming, girl. Where do you want it?”
I didn’t respond, just bobbed my head faster and deeper. He stroked my hair and whispered, “Dirty girl. Fuck. So dirty. You want my load? Take it, baby. ” Then he came. With every jerk of his orgasm, warm saltiness filled my mouth. And like the good girl I am, I swallowed it up then wiped the sides of my mouth. Smiling up at him, I returned to my seat, buckled up and off we went. When we arrived home, he didn’t say goodnight, just slapped my ass when he walked by me to his apartment. Twice. Hard.
My face scrunched, I rubbed my sore butt and mouthed Ow at him. He just winked at me then went into his apartment. Now, I’m not one hundred percent sure, but I think that was a warning about being too openly frivolous with Mad Max.
I fell asleep with a smile on my face, thinking about when and where the next round would take place.
So now in the wee hours of the morn, I’m wide awake. Well, my brain isn’t but my body is burning. I know we started this affair saying that we could call on each other day or night, anytime, but am I really going to go over there right now?
Yes. The answer is yes.
I throw the covers off smiling like a complete ass and basically run down the hall, only stopping to get the key to Asher’s apartment. I skid down the hall and unlock his door fast as I can, giggling all the way. Once inside his place, I hear moaning coming from his bedroom. I stop in my tracks.
And my heart squeezes.
I’m dead. I’ve died.
My heart kick starts with a vengeance and I storm up the hall and make my way to his room so fucking angry that my heart is now racing. Blood roars through my ears. I won’t ever admit that my heart is silently breaking.
Really? The fucker came twice tonight and he’s already got some floozy in his bed? What an asshole!
Just when I get to his bedroom door and start to open to door, the anger fades. I think for a moment about what this will mean for us if I can’t control my emotions which, funnily enough, was one of my rules in this affair. My heart says don’t do it while my brain screams shame the fucker!
Before I can think too hard about it I throw open the door and switch on the light.
I gasp, put a hand to my chest and step back from this horrific scene.
Oh God, no!
Asher thrashes on his bed, red faced and moaning loudly in pain. His eyes are shut, but they move rapidly beneath closed lids. I don’t know what’s happening here. A sob catches in my throat watching this disturbing mess. He gasps in heaving breaths and shouts out, “No!”
Having had a moment to steady myself, I run to the edge of his bed and try in vain to wake him. With his thrashing, I can’t seem to get close enough to him to touch him. His back arches and his eyes squeeze shut as he bares his teeth. An agonizing gurgling noise sounds from low in his throat before he screams in a childlike voice, “Mom, help me!”
I don’t know what to do. I’m petrified. I’m losing my inner battle to keep calm.
Unblinking, tears rush down my face as I sob hysterically. No longer caring about being hit by his flailing limbs, I grab at his hands and hold them. His foot connects with my stomach and I moan in pain. One of his hands comes free from mine, and he backhands me across the face yelling, “NO!”
I’m too heartbroken by this situation to even shout for him to stop. I sob so hard I can barely get a full breath in. He grips my hair tight and pulls so hard I think he might actually rip it out of my head. I yelp in pain. After a second, his hand comes loose from my hair and he pushes me back hard. I stumble back from the bed and fall flat on my ass with an oomph.
Ash sits up in bed and looks around his room in confusion before turning to look into my eyes. The only thing that can be heard is our combined heavy breathing. His face turns passive as he puffs out heavy breaths. “What are you doing here?” he asks quietly.
Overwhelmed by heartbreak, I sit on the floor, lower my face to my shaking hands and silently sob. I hear shuffling before I’m pulled back into a hard body and wrapped up tight. Asher rocks me and coos reassuring words til I finally settle. The silence is comforting. After a moment, he whispers into my ear, “I’m so sorry, pretty girl. I feel like an asshole. Did I hurt you?”
r /> I feel his shame seeping through him like poison. He obviously has no idea I just went through another Cole moment. Ignoring his question, I whisper back, “What the hell happened to you, Ash?”
Tightening his arms around me, sitting on the cold floor together, he sighs. “They’re dreams. Well, technically nightmares, I think. ” He pauses before he corrects himself. “Actually, they’re fuckin’ memories. ”
My heart squeezes. The scars. I’m sure this all stems from the scars, and even though I really don’t want to hear it, I think I have to hear it. I think he needs to tell it as much as I need to hear it. I think back to that day at The White Rabbit when he taught us self-defense and what he said to me, “You need to tell them, pretty girl. If you don’t tell anyone about it, it’ll eat away at you. You’ll stop seeing your friends and you’ll stop going out. You’ll be a fraction of the person you were without their support. You’ll lose that fierce about you and just become cold. You’ll become me. ”
I guess what they say is true. Everyone has skeletons buried deep in their closets.
Clearing my throat. I ask, “Can you let me up?”
When he releases me, I stand and turn to face him. I hold out my hand for him to take. He stares at my hand, unsure of what to do. Not giving him an option, I reach forward, take his hand and help him up. As soon as he’s up, I wrap my arm around his waist and pull him to his bed. Without asking permission, I pull back the dark blue covers and climb in. I look up at him and pat the free side next to me but he shakes his head. “I can’t fall asleep with you. I- uh- I get violent. I don’t want to hurt you, babe,” he says quietly,