Ash chuckles and holds up the carton to show me. It’s milk. I squawk, “Milk?”
He raises his brows and nods. Like I’m the stupid one! Exhausted and sated, I whisper, “Sweet baby Jesus, that was something else. ”
Pushing my hair out of my face, he says, “No more demon witch lady?”
I cringe, “Nuh uh. Nope. ” I close my eyes and Ash lifts me. Unable to open my eyes, I feel him lower me onto something soft. I assume it’s his bed. He climbs in next to me and takes hold of my hand. Kissing my brow, he whispers, “Goodnight, pretty girl. ”
Half asleep, I whisper, “Night, Ash. Love you. ”
Then promptly pass out.
***
Waking earlier than I expected, I look over at a sleeping Asher.
No more nightmares. Yay!
Smiling, I stretch and slip out of bed. I walk over to the kitchen and get a glass of water. I make my way back to bed and my heart swells watching him sleep. He looks at peace. Too bad I have to do this.
I pour the contents of my glass over his head. Ash coughs and sputters. He looks up at me like I’ve gone cuckoo bananas and says, “Fucking devil woman! What the fuck?”
Matter-of-factly, I tell him, “That’s for putting cameras in my place and watching me without me knowing. ”
His face actually loses some of its steam and he opens his mouth to say something, but I cut him off by kneeling on the bed and kissing him deeply. His argument forgotten, he wraps his arms around me and pulls me to him. Pulling away slightly, he says, “Wait. I have to know something. ”
I look up at him and nod. He says, “Do you love me?”
And I almost choke. My face flushes and I squeak, “What?”
He runs a hand through his hair and tells me, “Last night when you were falling asleep, you said you loved me. ”
Oh shit. Mother fucking sleep talk! Look at what you did?
I sputter, “I- ah- I’m not- What I mean is I don’t kn-”
Taking hold of my hand, he says softly, “Loving someone’s not a bad thing, rig
ht?”
He’s genuinely asking me like he doesn’t know.
This makes me sad.
Squeezing his hand, I cup his cheek and confirm, “No, sweetie. Loving someone can be a really good thing. ”
He nods and avoids my gaze when he asks again slowly, “So, do you, ya know, love me?”
I don’t answer for a long while. Fear of rejection creeps up my chest and into my throat. Ash looks so much like a child right now. Unsure of himself and a little naïve. I kiss his lips and say against them, “Yeah, baby. I love you. ”
Pulling back from me and looking me in the eye, he rambles, “Okay. Okay, good. This is nice. I mean, I feel nice. Yeah, okay. This is okay. ”
Hmmm, not the answer I was expecting. Nor the one I was hoping for.
This makes me even sadder.
My heart hurts.
Ash doesn’t love me back.