Sugar Rush (Friend-Zoned 3)

Huh? “What do you mean?”

He tilts his head, brows raised. “She’s gorgeous, she’s funny, she’s got experience working with kids like Ceecee, and she’s got a good heart.” My heart clenches painfully when he adds, “She’s everything you deserve and more.” He stands, then shrugs lightly. “So tell me why you’re scared.”

My brother. He sees all.

I sit on the edge of my desk, thinking about my answer. “I’m not scared.”

Nik walks over to my desk and sits by my side. He nods lightly. “You’re scared.” I don’t know what to say, because he’s right. I am scared. The silence lasts only a moment before Nik utters, “Remember how miserable I was before Tina came along?”

Before Tina came along, Nik was a moody bastard who only used women for sex. But Tina didn’t want sex. She wanted friendship. Up until then, Nik had never had a friend who also happened to be a girl. We gave him shit about it, but I’m grateful for Tina. She gave Nik something I never thought I’d see in my life. She gave him a reason to live. “Yeah, I remember.”

He nudges my shoulder with his. “Don’t you want something like we have? Because you can have it. You’ve got a woman who could give you that, and she’s right in front of you.”

My throat thickens with emotion, and I hate myself for showing weakness. I dip my chin and whisper a strained, “I can’t do it again, Nik.”

He assures adamantly, “Yes, you can. A woman like that won’t let you down. A woman like that will catch you if you happen to fall. A woman like Helena is hard to find, but easy to keep if you treat her well.” He pauses a moment before stating, “She isn’t Maddy.”

I mutter, “Yeah, well I thought Maddy was all those things you just said, so I guess I’m not the best judge of character.”

A sound of aggravation escapes him. “Dude, I know you don’t remember things the way I do, so here it goes. I’m laying it out there, whether you want to hear it or not.” He slides off the desk to stand in front of me. “Maddy was a whiny bitch. She always was.”

My head snaps up in shock. “What?”

Nik sighs. “I know when you’re in love you see the best in a person, but I wasn’t in love with her. Fuck, I barely liked her on the best of days. So I’m going to tell you, now after thirteen years, why Maddy was never good enough for you.” Sitting there in shock, all I can do is listen as he starts, “When you first told me you were in love, I was rooting for you. I mean, it’s not every day a young man comes to his brother to tell him he’s met the one. I spent all night talking to you, telling you to bring her over so we could meet her. I remember how excited you were about it. The next day, you came home looking like someone shit in your cereal, because Maddy wasn’t ready to tell people about you.” He looks down into my eyes. “That was her first strike. She acted like she was ashamed of you.”

My brows furrow. “It wasn’t like that. She wanted to make sure I was into her before she told her parents about us.”

Nik rolls his eyes. “Oh yeah? What was stopping her from telling her friends? Fuck knows you would’ve told everyone about her if she hadn’t told you not to. I mean, c’mon. You spoke on the phone for months and declared your love for her on hundreds of occasions.”

I never saw it like that. “Well, I guess. It was a long time ago.”

He holds up a hand. “Secondly, when you guys were dating and she’d come to mom’s, she’d always make a point to explain how she couldn’t eat there because she’d already eaten, and she did this knowing mom would be cooking. She was rude like that. So she’d sit there like an asshole watching everyone eat, and then complain to you about needing to get home, when really, she just didn’t want to be around us. She didn’t like us, and you’d always stick up for her.”

I shake my head. “It’s not that she didn’t like you guys; it’s just that her family was different from ours, you know? They weren’t loud like we are. They were proper folk.”

Nik’s mouth gapes before he booms, “You’re still sticking up for her!”

I wince as soon as I realize I totally am. “Sorry, bro. I guess old habits die hard.”

His face turns soft. “The last thing I remember, and I’ll never forgive her for this, was when she got pregnant…” his eyes close sadly, “…and she blamed you for it. She told you that you were trying to trap her, to keep her from leaving you, and that you never wanted her to go to college. She hated you for it. She resented you. But you were so damn in love with her, you couldn’t see through the sunshine shining out of her ass.”

I remain quiet. Everything he just said is true. She did blame me for getting her pregnant. She blamed me for missing her pill. She didn’t want Ceecee. She never did.

Nik utters softly, “I’m sorry, bro, but that’s the truth.” He places a hand on my shoulder in a brotherly gesture of support. “According to Maddy, you were never good enough for her.” He squeezes my shoulder then walks out, closing the door behind him.

I don’t react for a long time. A long minute passes before I reach across the table with a shaking hand and pick up my coffee mug. I grit my teeth and grip it tight before hurling it across the room. I watch as it hits the wall, smashing into pieces and splattering coffee across the white surface.

Breathing hard, my body shakes with uncontrollable rage.

Panting, I whisper a shaky, “I hate you, Maddy.”

***

Helena

My body itches. I scratch absently at my chest as my leg bounces under the desk. I’m having withdrawals. Reaching across the table, I pick up my cell and type quickly.

Me: Excuse me, oh bringer