Rafe shook his head, turned away, and took a few steps before stopping, his back still to me. "I realized I hadn't seen things right. Daniel wasn't sitting on the sidelines because he wasn't sure how he felt about you. He was waiting. Waiting for a sign from you, because he was afraid to make a move and risk losing you as a friend. I felt bad for him because I was sure you didn't feel the same way. And then . . ."
He turned now, slowly. "When I got back to Salmon Creek, it was just . . . this whirlwind of stuff. You were so happy to see me that I couldn't doubt what you felt for me, especially after I confessed about being wired and it didn't make a difference. You wanted me. No doubt. When you insisted on telling Daniel about the wire, I told myself that was the right thing to do, as a friend. Nothing more. But it was like turning on a switch. A little tickling doubt, and now every time his name is mentioned or I see you two together, I'm watching for signs. And I'm seeing them. Something changed after that helicopter crash. I notice you two looking at each other, whispering together, and maybe whatever I'm seeing was always there, but I don't think it was like this."
He took a deep breath and walked back toward me. I stood rooted, unable to move, much less speak. Rafe stopped right in front of me, then rested one hand on my waist.
"I need you to tell me I'm imagining things, Maya."
"Wh-what?" I managed.
He leaned in and a strand of hair fell forward on his cheek. I stared at that strand. I wanted to reach out and tuck it back, laugh, and tell him he was crazy. But I couldn't. Underneath the panic swirling through me was something harder. A tiny core of anger. Not just anger. Hurt. Confusion. Betrayal.
"Tell me I'm wrong, Maya. Tell me you feel absolutely nothing for Daniel except friendship."
"Or what?"
He blinked at my tone. "I--"
"We are getting ready for what could be the most important meeting of our lives," I said, brittle words snapping as I forced them out. "I have spent the last few hours struggling not to run behind the nearest tree and puke. We have to pull this off or I might never see my parents again. And you decide we need to do this now? No, you decide I need to do this now. Forget everything else. My boyfriend is feeling jealous so I need to reassure him?"
His eyes widened then. Sparks of panic. He said something, but I didn't catch it. Blood pounded in my ears.
"--right," Rafe was saying. "It can wait. I never meant to talk about this now." He paused, then squared his shoulders. "But at some point we do need to talk about it. He's in love with you, Maya--"
"No, he's not."
"Yes, he is, and everyone knows it. Not just Corey. That's why Sam hates me. She thinks Daniel deserves what he wants, and what he wants is--"
"No, it is not!"
The words came out as a roar that had Rafe stumbling back. Tears filled my eyes, the forest shimmering through them. My chest tightened until I had to pant to breathe. Slowly I lifted my gaze to look at him.
"Why would you tell me this? He's my friend. My best friend. And now every time I look at him, I'm going to know he wants more, and . . ." Quick breaths, gasping for air. "And it'll never be the same. That's what you wanted, isn't it? To make sure that even if it is just friendship, it will end."
A scent wafted past on the breeze. When I tried to catch it, it was already gone, but somehow it lingered in my brain and swirled with the anger and the hurt and I felt my hands start to throb. I clenched them into fists.
"That's not what I want, Maya. I would never come between--"
"You just did!" I said. "I have been through hell this past week. I thought I saw you die. I watched my parents at my funeral. I found out my entire life is a lie and I might never get any kind of normal one back. And do you know who got me through? The one person I can count on--always count on. Maybe you're jealous because that's not you, but as crazy as I am about you, there's someone who's been there a hell of a lot longer and that's who I needed. But you couldn't handle that, so you took it away. When I need it most, you yanked it away."
I took off his bracelet and set it on a tree stump. He stared at it, then at me, and I saw the panic in his face. I saw regret, too, and shock, and I wanted to seize on that. He's sorry. He didn't mean it. He made a mistake. But all I could think about was Daniel, and what this meant and how I felt about it and, oh God, how did I feel?
And that smell. That tendril of scent that I couldn't catch, that made something in my gut throb and made my hands throb and--
Rafe reached for me. I stumbled back, wheeled, and took one step away and when I did, I took another, then another, starting to run, crashing through the forest, branches whipping me, running faster and faster, feeling my body shifting, screaming at me to stop, just stop, let it finish, but I kept going, Rafe behind me, yel
ling my name, spurring me on, until finally I tripped and blacked out before I even hit the ground.
THIRTY-EIGHT
WHEN I WOKE AS a cat, it was as if I hadn't done more than stumbled and fallen. I sprang up and kept running, pushed by the distant sound of Rafe's voice and pulled by that smell, that damned smell. Danger, that's what my gut said. It smelled like danger and I had to focus on this. Find the source of the threat before it found us.
I tore through the woods, following that teasing scent. Running here was different. The forest was different. Not my rainforest, but thick deciduous woods, the ground heavy with vines and undergrowth. After I tripped a few times, I forced myself to slow down and find a path. Then I flew along it until the ground blurred beneath me.
"Maya!"
The voice came from in front of me and I skidded to a stop, panic rising.
"Maya?"