The Shadows (Black Dagger Brotherhood 13)

There was a long pause. “Really?”

“Really.”

She put her hands to her face. “That is…” She shook her head. “Pretty fantastic, actually.”

Pushing against the mattress, he sat up on his elbows and regarded her. “Do you remember what you said? After you … well, you know, when we were down in the clinic the first time? That you were worried you were just another obsession for me to sink into?”

“Yes.”

“Well, if you are? I sank into you before we even hooked up. You probably don’t remember this, but…” He shook his head. “I used to wait for you in the foyer every night.”

“What?”

“Yeah, pathetic. I know. But see, you’d come here to feed V or Rhage, or Luchas, and I’d linger by the front door just in case you came up from the training center—or went down to it from somewhere else in the house. One night—shit, I can remember it clear as anything—you finally made an appearance. I rushed down the big staircase—you were, like, in the foyer when I caught your attention. I stared at you, and thought … this is the most amazing female I have ever seen.” He shrugged and sat all the way up. “You got me then and there, my queen. I’ve been obsessed with you, for good or not so good, waaaaaay before I knew you were sick.”

She smiled a little. “I had no idea. I mean, I knew, when we were up at Rehv’s together and you … well, I knew that … um, you liked me.”

He blinked and saw her naked in that bed of hers at the Great Camp. “Yeah, I was into you then. Way into you.” Grimacing, he said, “Look, I haven’t handled everything well. I should have told you about the particulars of the s’Hisbe stuff, but I was worried it was going to freak you out and make you want to have nothing to do with me. I’ve lost years of my life imprisoned in that palace, and I’ve ruined iAm’s entire existence—I was not going to lose a shot at you because of that crap on top of all of that. And as for my businesses? They’re not legal according to human laws, but I’ve always believed people have a right to make their living in any way they want, as long as they don’t hurt anyone. That’s why, unlike Rehv, I don’t allow drugs to be sold on my premises. The human women are protected when they’re under my roof, they practice safe sex, and they keep ninety percent of what they make. The ten percent I take goes to my electric bills and my bouncers. So, yeah … that’s where I’m at with that.”

She took a deep breath. “I’m really glad you’re being honest.”

“Is there anything else you want to know? As I told you before, I don’t talk about my parents because they’re nothing but biology to me and iAm. They’ve never cared about our welfare. They’ve never been there for us. All along, it’s been iAm and me together, and that’s been enough for both of us. And that’s why they don’t come up.”

Selena came forward haltingly, and sank to her knees beside him on the floor. “Thank you.”

Her eyes were so clear, so blue as they stared up at him.

“For what,” he said hoarsely. “I don’t like showing you weakness. I hate it.”

“It just makes me love you more.” She smiled. “In fact, this honesty right now? Is the single most attractive thing about you.”

Aw, shit. She was going to make him go Kleenex over here.

“I love you so much.” When his voice broke, he cleared it. “More than even my brother.”

“That’s some kind of pledge.”

“Yeah, it is.”

They stayed like that for the longest time, him staring down, her looking up, and in the silence, he realized they had reached the very realest part of who they were as individuals and what they were together. It was the base core of them both, their faults, perceived and actual, on the table, nothing hidden—not her illness, not everything he hadn’t wanted her to know … and their eternity was still intact.

Their love had only been strengthened.

“You have been,” she whispered, “the very best part of my life. You’re such a miracle, it almost makes up for my illness.”

“I’m not that big a blessing.”

“Yes, you are.”

He caressed her cheek with his knuckles. Brushed her lips with his. “So … you wanna go cook me dinner?”

She nodded, and when he offered his palm to help her to her feet, she put her hand in his, the one with the diamond on it.

Her beautiful hand, with its long tapering fingers and its little wrist.

At first, he didn’t understand why, when he stood up and went to pull, his grip slipped free. “Oh, sorry, sloppy—”

She wasn’t moving.

Selena was exactly in the position of having placed her hand in his, her forearm up, her head tilted so she could meet his eyes, her body on her knees.

The only thing that had changed was the terror in her eyes.

“Oh, no…” he said. “No, no, not now…”

He knelt beside her, but she didn’t turn her head to him. Instead, her body began to list to the side as if it were solid, falling, falling …

“No!” he screamed.

The next thing Trez knew, he was in the clinic.

He had no idea how he’d gotten there with Selena in his arms, but somehow he must have picked her up from the floor in iAm’s bedroom and made it down all the stairs and through the tunnel and out of the supply closet.

He was vaguely aware of people in his wake. Lassiter, who had probably come out of the billiards room. Tohr, who’d been behind the desk in the office. Another Brother who was limping.

But none of that mattered.

Giving his back to the door into the exam room, he barged in without knocking, his heart thundering, his hearing shot, his brain jammed up with that one word he kept repeating over and over again to himself.

Nonononononononononononononononono—

This couldn’t be happening now, after they’d had that transcendent moment. Not now, when they were supposed to go and have her dance naked around Rehv’s kitchen together. Not now, without him having taken her for that boat ride.

It was too soon, too soon …

Suddenly, it dawned on him that Doc Jane was standing in front of him, her forest-green eyes locked on his, her mouth moving.

“Can’t hear you,” he told her. Or at least, he thought that was what he said.

Goddamn it, this ringing in his ears wasn’t helping.

When the physician pointed at the exam table, he thought, Right, okay. He would put Selena there.

Moving across the tile floor, he approached the place he needed to get to and bent down, intending to lay her flat. Except, no—her body didn’t shift to accommodate the repositioning.

It nearly killed him to ease her onto her side.

Crouching down so she could see him, he took her hand, the one that was as yet extended to him, the one with his ring on it. “It’s okay, my queen. It’s all right—you got out of this last time, you’re going to do it again. You’re going to come out of this.”

He never looked away from her panicky eyes. Not when machines were hooked up to her, and IVs started, and X-rays taken. Not while the two doctors and Ehlena worked feverishly, administering drugs and taking her pulse and blood pressure. Not as she began to tear up, the crystal drops forming and dropping off the bridge of her nose and the side of her face.

“I got you, my queen. I’m not going anywhere. Stay with me. You’ve come out of this many times before, and the same thing’s going to happen tonight. Believe with me, come on … you’ve got to believe with me…”

He had to open his mouth, because he was breathing so hard his nose couldn’t keep up with the demands. And he kept having to swallow—it was either that or run the risk of needing to tilt to the side and throw up on the tile.

This can’t be it, he thought.

I’m not ready.

I can’t say good-bye.

I can’t let her go tonight.

This can’t be it …

SIXTY-SEVEN

As Rhage stared up at Assail’s glass house, he knew in his gut something was in all-wrong territory. Ever since he and V had arrived, nothing had changed. The interiors, whether it was the kitchen, that football field–size living room, or the office, were each exactly right—except there was no one moving through them.

“Maybe Assail’s doing his toenails underground,” Rhage muttered. “A lilac, perhaps. Or a cherry red.”

“Sooner or later,” V bitched, “if he’s going to stay in business, he’ll have to leave by car. You can’t transport the kind of money or drugs he deals in while ghosting.”

“Unless they all overdosed together.”

They both had to assume Assail and his boys had been drafting in and out since nightfall, and there was nothing they could do to stop that. V had, however, set up tiny cameras before they’d left the dawn before, and there had been no activity during the daylight hours—no duffels left out for pickup, nothing dropped off. So, as V said, there was no way they were moving any product— was a long pause. “Really?”

“Really.”

She put her hands to her face. “That is…” She shook her head. “Pretty fantastic, actually.”

Pushing against the mattress, he sat up on his elbows and regarded her. “Do you remember what you said? After you … well, you know, when we were down in the clinic the first time? That you were worried you were just another obsession for me to sink into?”

“Yes.”

“Well, if you are? I sank into you before we even hooked up. You probably don’t remember this, but…” He shook his head. “I used to wait for you in the foyer every night.”

“What?”

“Yeah, pathetic. I know. But see, you’d come here to feed V or Rhage, or Luchas, and I’d linger by the front door just in case you came up from the training center—or went down to it from somewhere else in the house. One night—shit, I can remember it clear as anything—you finally made an appearance. I rushed down the big staircase—you were, like, in the foyer when I caught your attention. I stared at you, and thought … this is the most amazing female I have ever seen.” He shrugged and sat all the way up. “You got me then and there, my queen. I’ve been obsessed with you, for good or not so good, waaaaaay before I knew you were sick.”

She smiled a little. “I had no idea. I mean, I knew, when we were up at Rehv’s together and you … well, I knew that … um, you liked me.”

He blinked and saw her naked in that bed of hers at the Great Camp. “Yeah, I was into you then. Way into you.” Grimacing, he said, “Look, I haven’t handled everything well. I should have told you about the particulars of the s’Hisbe stuff, but I was worried it was going to freak you out and make you want to have nothing to do with me. I’ve lost years of my life imprisoned in that palace, and I’ve ruined iAm’s entire existence—I was not going to lose a shot at you because of that crap on top of all of that. And as for my businesses? They’re not legal according to human laws, but I’ve always believed people have a right to make their living in any way they want, as long as they don’t hurt anyone. That’s why, unlike Rehv, I don’t allow drugs to be sold on my premises. The human women are protected when they’re under my roof, they practice safe sex, and they keep ninety percent of what they make. The ten percent I take goes to my electric bills and my bouncers. So, yeah … that’s where I’m at with that.”

She took a deep breath. “I’m really glad you’re being honest.”

“Is there anything else you want to know? As I told you before, I don’t talk about my parents because they’re nothing but biology to me and iAm. They’ve never cared about our welfare. They’ve never been there for us. All along, it’s been iAm and me together, and that’s been enough for both of us. And that’s why they don’t come up.”

Selena came forward haltingly, and sank to her knees beside him on the floor. “Thank you.”

Her eyes were so clear, so blue as they stared up at him.

“For what,” he said hoarsely. “I don’t like showing you weakness. I hate it.”

“It just makes me love you more.” She smiled. “In fact, this honesty right now? Is the single most attractive thing about you.”

Aw, shit. She was going to make him go Kleenex over here.

“I love you so much.” When his voice broke, he cleared it. “More than even my brother.”

“That’s some kind of pledge.”

“Yeah, it is.”

They stayed like that for the longest time, him staring down, her looking up, and in the silence, he realized they had reached the very realest part of who they were as individuals and what they were together. It was the base core of them both, their faults, perceived and actual, on the table, nothing hidden—not her illness, not everything he hadn’t wanted her to know … and their eternity was still intact.

Their love had only been strengthened.

“You have been,” she whispered, “the very best part of my life. You’re such a miracle, it almost makes up for my illness.”

“I’m not that big a blessing.”

“Yes, you are.”

He caressed her cheek with his knuckles. Brushed her lips with his. “So … you wanna go cook me dinner?”

She nodded, and when he offered his palm to help her to her feet, she put her hand in his, the one with the diamond on it.

Her beautiful hand, with its long tapering fingers and its little wrist.

At first, he didn’t understand why, when he stood up and went to pull, his grip slipped free. “Oh, sorry, sloppy—”

She wasn’t moving.

Selena was exactly in the position of having placed her hand in his, her forearm up, her head tilted so she could meet his eyes, her body on her knees.

The only thing that had changed was the terror in her eyes.

“Oh, no…” he said. “No, no, not now…”

He knelt beside her, but she didn’t turn her head to him. Instead, her body began to list to the side as if it were solid, falling, falling …

“No!” he screamed.

The next thing Trez knew, he was in the clinic.

He had no idea how he’d gotten there with Selena in his arms, but somehow he must have picked her up from the floor in iAm’s bedroom and made it down all the stairs and through the tunnel and out of the supply closet.

He was vaguely aware of people in his wake. Lassiter, who had probably come out of the billiards room. Tohr, who’d been behind the desk in the office. Another Brother who was limping.

But none of that mattered.

Giving his back to the door into the exam room, he barged in without knocking, his heart thundering, his hearing shot, his brain jammed up with that one word he kept repeating over and over again to himself.

Nonononononononononononononononono—

This couldn’t be happening now, after they’d had that transcendent moment. Not now, when they were supposed to go and have her dance naked around Rehv’s kitchen together. Not now, without him having taken her for that boat ride.

It was too soon, too soon …

Suddenly, it dawned on him that Doc Jane was standing in front of him, her forest-green eyes locked on his, her mouth moving.

“Can’t hear you,” he told her. Or at least, he thought that was what he said.

Goddamn it, this ringing in his ears wasn’t helping.

When the physician pointed at the exam table, he thought, Right, okay. He would put Selena there.

Moving across the tile floor, he approached the place he needed to get to and bent down, intending to lay her flat. Except, no—her body didn’t shift to accommodate the repositioning.

It nearly killed him to ease her onto her side.

Crouching down so she could see him, he took her hand, the one that was as yet extended to him, the one with his ring on it. “It’s okay, my queen. It’s all right—you got out of this last time, you’re going to do it again. You’re going to come out of this.”

He never looked away from her panicky eyes. Not when machines were hooked up to her, and IVs started, and X-rays taken. Not while the two doctors and Ehlena worked feverishly, administering drugs and taking her pulse and blood pressure. Not as she began to tear up, the crystal drops forming and dropping off the bridge of her nose and the side of her face.

“I got you, my queen. I’m not going anywhere. Stay with me. You’ve come out of this many times before, and the same thing’s going to happen tonight. Believe with me, come on … you’ve got to believe with me…”

He had to open his mouth, because he was breathing so hard his nose couldn’t keep up with the demands. And he kept having to swallow—it was either that or run the risk of needing to tilt to the side and throw up on the tile.

This can’t be it, he thought.

I’m not ready.

I can’t say good-bye.

I can’t let her go tonight.

This can’t be it …

SIXTY-SEVEN

As Rhage stared up at Assail’s glass house, he knew in his gut something was in all-wrong territory. Ever since he and V had arrived, nothing had changed. The interiors, whether it was the kitchen, that football field–size living room, or the office, were each exactly right—except there was no one moving through them.

“Maybe Assail’s doing his toenails underground,” Rhage muttered. “A lilac, perhaps. Or a cherry red.”

“Sooner or later,” V bitched, “if he’s going to stay in business, he’ll have to leave by car. You can’t transport the kind of money or drugs he deals in while ghosting.”

“Unless they all overdosed together.”

They both had to assume Assail and his boys had been drafting in and out since nightfall, and there was nothing they could do to stop that. V had, however, set up tiny cameras before they’d left the dawn before, and there had been no activity during the daylight hours—no duffels left out for pickup, nothing dropped off. So, as V said, there was no way they were moving any product—