“You knew about this before you came here. Did you want to take a convict for a spin? Pop that cherry of yours to make up for all the years you never fucked?”
I was used to people yelling at me, venting their anger about an unjust death of a loved one, of the cruel misfortune of some kind of disease. But while I may have been the bearer of bad news, those people weren’t upset with me personally. I was the messenger.
I’d learned to build up a tough skin. It was required, not just professionally but personally, too. I’d hardened my heart to neglectful parents. To the lack of friends. To people who didn’t really care but were more interested in me being an oddity. To know the child genius.
But this? Mac’s barbed words were directed at me. Me. And they’d hit the bull’s-eye.
“Tell me, sweetheart,” Mac said. “Did you think I was the one who broke into your apartment? That I was looking for drugs? That I was into you so I could get drugs or scripts off you?”
“What?” I sputtered. “I… oh—” I couldn’t get any real words out because what he was suggesting was too stunning.
He bent down, scooped up my bra and tossed it at me. I caught it instinctively. The lace had made me feel sexy before, but now the lacy garment was tawdry.
“Here. Go. You’ve had your fun. I didn’t tell you about it because it was a long time ago and it was irrelevant. It’s not that I didn’t trust you with the truth—like you not telling us about someone breaking into your apartment—but because we hadn’t had enough time for me to share it yet. Like Hardin said, we wouldn’t have touched you if we didn’t want you to be our girl.”
“I didn’t mean to—”
He cut me off. “Either you let us in, or you let us go.”
His words hurt. I’d hurt him, hurt both of them by not trusting. I had to make this right because I couldn’t live with this ache. Even with both of them in the small room with me, I suddenly felt alone. More alone than I ever had in my life.
They wanted me. Wanted to be with me, but I’d ruined it.
“Yes, I… I knew before I came here.” I glanced at a car calendar on the wall, then forced myself to meet Mac’s angry eyes. “I didn’t think my source was lying when he told me about your arrest. I believed him. But I knew there was a reason behind the truth, that there was more to the story. It’s obvious now he told me deliberately to tear us apart, which is what’s happening right now. As for my apartment, I never thought you’d broken in.” Tears filled my eyes, and I blinked them away. I wasn’t a crier. I had nothing to cry about. I was used to dulling my feelings. From a very early age I’d recognized that getting hopeful about others’ affections would only make me hurt. So I stopped. With work I couldn’t get emotional. No one wanted a weak doctor.
But this? It was so different. Hardin and Mac had gotten past the walls I’d put up. Knocked them down and now my heart was under attack.
“I came here because it was the first place I thought of. The only place. I should have gone to the police, but I didn’t consider them. I thought of you and Hardin. That the shop was safe. That you’d be here.” I sniffed, willed the tears away.
“You didn’t tell us about the break-in,” Hardin said. “Were you planning to?”
“I came here on instinct even though I’m used to handling everything on my own. I didn’t think of it as your problem. Who wants a needy woman?” I shrugged. “Besides, I figured you’d think I was crazy.”
“Someone slashed your fucking tire,” Mac said. “You’re not crazy.”
“Hell, no,” Hardin agreed. “You didn’t see it earlier, but your coming here? It means, deep down, you trust us.”
I agreed. “I wouldn’t have come here if I didn’t trust you. I wouldn’t have given you my body either.” I licked my lips. “I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. I’m… new to this. Not just sex but interpersonal relationships. I’ve been hurt before. I’m wary about guys because of false intentions—”
“We don’t have any false intentions where you’re concerned,” Mac said fiercely. “Didn’t you feel it when I fucked you into that couch?”
I nodded, pushed my glasses up. “Yes. I just wanted to forget the stuff that’s happening for a little while, and I knew you could do that. I felt… feel safe when I’m with both of you. I should have told you. Shouldn’t have turned the argument off myself and onto your past. I’m sorry I messed up.”
A painful lump formed in my throat. I was going to cry and cry hard. I just didn’t want to do it here, not in front of them.
I squatted down, grabbed the rest of my clothes, not looking at either of them. I couldn’t. I’d blown it. I had two men interested in me. Two! They’d had sex with me because they’d wanted me. I never expected my first time to be like that. While it hadn’t been in a bed, I hadn’t wanted one. They’d been perfect. Patient. Gentle, or at least as much as they could be considering their size.
And I’d been ungrateful and petty. I’d go home, call a locksmith and get my locks replaced. Then I’d climb into bed, toss the blankets over my head, try to forget about them, which would be impossible with a sore pussy reminding me of everything we’d done together. I’d been alone all my life, yet in two days Hardin and Mac had made me feel. Made me see what I’d been missing. And I’d ruined it. I’d get over this eventually. Whoever was messing with me, well, they couldn’t hurt me any worse than I hurt now.
I stood and in a small voice I said, “I’ll just go.”
10
HARDIN
* * *
Mac had gone off the fucking deep end. I didn’t blame him, but all Sam had asked was if he’d been arrested for selling drugs. She’d asked, not accused, and she’d been willing to hear him out.