She nodded, wanting to believe him, needing to. Her teeth chattered; she felt icy cold.
‘Come on,’ Rico said gently, steering her towards the bureau. ‘Let’s get you dressed.’ Halina felt like a child as she stood there and let Rico tenderly strip her nightgown from her body. He found one of her new maternity tops and loose trousers and helped her shrug them on.
‘I’m sorry,’ she choked. ‘I feel frozen...’
‘Shh.’ Rico brushed a kiss against her forehead. ‘It’s all right...it’s going to be all right.’
He took her hand and together they walked out to his car, a luxury sports model that he used in his down time with a private parking space. Halina slid into the passenger seat and wrapped her arms around herself. Even though it was a balmy evening at the very end of September, she felt so very cold.
The emergency department of the local hospital was brightly lit and bustling despite the late hour. Several rows of hard plastic seats were filled with people with various ailments and injuries. Rico strode to the front to talk to the triage nurse while Halina sank into a seat, desperately trying to hold onto her composure as well as her hope. Her stomach still cramped, off and on, off and on.
Rico strode back to her then sat down next to her and took her hand. ‘You’re freezing,’ he said, and chafed her hand between his own. Halina gave him a shaky smile.
‘I feel like I’ll never get warm. Maybe it’s shock.’
‘It’s going to be okay, Halina.’
‘I know you want that to be the case, but it might not be.’ Her voice wobbled. ‘It might not be. This isn’t in your control, Rico, just like the sandstorm. I know you hate that, but it’s true.’
‘I do hate it.’ Rico’s voice was low and fierce. ‘I hate it absolutely.’ His hands squeezed hers. ‘But I also believe it’s going to be okay. It has to be.’
Looking at the agony written in harsh lines on his features, Halina knew he meant that with every fibre of his being. Rico couldn’t take this not being okay. She couldn’t cope with it, just as he couldn’t, and it made her cling to him all the more.
‘Signora Falcone?’
Halina gave Rico a startled glance as she heard the nurse call out her soon-to-be name.
‘It seemed easier,’ he muttered, and rose from the seat before helping her to her feet. ‘We’re here,’ he called to the nurse.
Halina focused on staying calm as she followed the nurse to a cubicle in the hospital’s busy emergency department. After a short wait a doctor bustled in, smiling in a slightly distracted way.
‘What seems to be the problem?’ she asked as he soaped her hands at the little sink.
Haltingly, Halina explained about the cramps and bleeding. The doctor frowned as he dried his hands.
‘You’re about sixteen weeks along?’
‘Yes, just sixteen weeks.’
‘It can be normal to have a little bleed during your pregnancy, but it can also be a sign of something wrong. Why don’t we have a listen for the heartbeat?’
Halina nodded and lay back on the examining table, her mouth dry, her heart thudding. Rico stood by her, his hand still encasing hers.
The doctor turned on the Doppler and began to press Halina’s belly, looking for the heartbeat. All they heard was the whoosh of her own body and blood, not the lovely, galloping sound of their baby’s heart.
Halina closed her eyes, willing to hear that wonderful sound. This couldn’t be the end. It just couldn’t be. Please, baby, she prayed silently. Please live.
The doctor switched off the Doppler, looking serious. Halina risked a glance at Rico and saw his jaw was clenched tightly, his eyes dark and focused.
‘I’ll send you to the ultrasound department for a scan,’ the doctor said. ‘Sometimes it can be difficult to find the heartbeat.’ He gave them both a sympathetic smile. ‘But of course, it could also be that something has gone wrong. We’ll only know when we see the scan.’
Halina nodded. She felt icy and numb now, too numb to be afraid any more. She’d feared the worst already, and it seemed likely. Wordlessly she pulled her top down and she and Rico went back to the waiting room to wait until she was called for a scan.
Neither of them spoke as they sat in the brightly lit room while people bustled and moved around them—children sleeping on mother’s laps, babies crying. Halina looked away from the tear-filled eyes of a chubby-cheeked cherub. What she wouldn’t give to have a baby in her arms right now, even one that was crying and in pain.
‘It’s going to be okay,’ Rico said in a low voice, and Halina turned to him with a sudden, surprising spurt of fury.
‘Stop saying that,’ she returned, her voice just as low. ‘You don’t know. You can’t know. And at the moment, Rico, it looks like things aren’t going to be all right. The doctor couldn’t even find a heartbeat—’ She broke off with a shuddering breath and looked away.