Not My Daughter

‘She spoke to a lawyer, to see if she had a case. She wanted us…’ He stops.

‘A lawyer.’ Now that surprises me. Anna, passive, drifting Anna, actually had a plan. She’d thought it out; this clearly isn’t merely some passing fancy, a wistful what if. Maybe this is what I deserve, and maybe it is what I am going to get.

‘I don’t believe this,’ Matt says in a voice that tells me he does. He paces the room, angry and caged, raking both hands through his hair. ‘Why didn’t you tell me, Jack?’

‘I thought it was a passing thing…’

Matt shook his head. ‘How could she do this to us?’

‘She hasn’t actually done anything,’ Jack points out, looking as if he regrets telling us everything he has. ‘She just had an initial conversation, that’s all, just to see. Really, Matt…’

‘To see what? How she can steal our baby?’ Matt rages. ‘And now she’s out somewhere with our daughter, and we don’t even know where or when she’s coming back. Should I call the police?’

‘Matt, don’t,’ I say quietly. That’s the last thing we need right now.

‘Milly, did you hear what Jack said?’ For once Matt is too upset to treat me with his post-baby kid gloves. It actually feels good, not to be tiptoed around. For the last few weeks I’ve been the grenade. At least now it’s something else.

‘Yes, I heard what he said.’ I take a deep breath. ‘But Anna hasn’t kidnapped Alice, and she probably didn’t even want us to know about the consultation.’

‘Of course she didn’t—’

‘Like Jack said, it might have been a whim or a pa

ssing thought.’ Except I don’t really believe that. Panic is clawing inside me, fighting with a leaden certainty that this is what I deserve. ‘Let’s wait till she comes back, and ask her ourselves.’

‘Damn right I will,’ Matt growls.

As it turns out, we don’t have long to wait. Just ten minutes later, the front door opens and Anna comes in, Alice bundled in a sling on her chest,. She stops, taking us all in; Matt has been pacing the room, but he stops to glare at her, his arms folded.

Carefully, she closes the door behind her, one hand cradling Alice’s head, an unthinkingly possessive gesture. ‘Milly. Welcome home.’ And somehow that hurts, because this is not her home. It is mine. Still, I take a breath. Smile.

‘Thank you, Anna.’

She glances at Matt. ‘Is everything okay?’

‘No, it most certainly is not,’ Matt bursts out, unable to keep himself from it for another second. ‘What the hell were you thinking, Anna, consulting a lawyer?’

Anna stiffens, then shoots Jack a hurt, accusing look. ‘Jack told you, I suppose?’

‘Yes, he certainly did.’

‘Take off the sling.’ The words come out of me suddenly, as I stare Anna down. ‘Take off that sling. I want to hold my baby.’

Anna’s hands tense on Alice and she hesitates. In that endless pause, I see all I need to know. She doesn’t want to give Alice to me – not now, and not ever. And part of me doesn’t even blame her.

‘I’m the only mother she’s ever known.’ Her sea-green gaze burrows into mine. ‘For three weeks, I’ve given her everything. Everything. She came from my body as much as yours. Surely you can see that, Milly. That, in this situation, I have some rights.’

‘How dare—’ Matt begins, but I hold up my hand to stop him. This is between Anna and me.

‘We owe you a great debt, Anna,’ I say steadily, ‘but I was ill. I wasn’t able to take care of Alice the way I wanted to.’

‘And I was. And both of you just expected me to – the same way you expected me to donate, to be there when you miscarried, to help you when you were on bedrest, to see you through labour.’ Her voice throbs with intensity. ‘And you never even considered what the cost was to me, behind a half-hearted “if it’s too much, Anna”. You never once thought about what I might feel or want. I’ve done everything I’ve ever been asked for you, and more. Much more. And you’ve always expected it, because once you were so kind to me.’ I blink, sensing something far deeper here than I ever realised, the dark foundation of our friendship that I was afraid to examine too closely. ‘But I don’t need to pay that debt back any longer, Milly. I don’t need to remember how you once rescued me, because I’ve rescued you over and over again. I want to stop keeping count, tit for tat, because that’s how you’ve always operated.’

‘I didn’t…’ I begin feebly, but Anna cuts across me.

‘You can’t just dismiss me. I won’t let you. Alice is part of me. She knows me. She loves me. And whether you were ill or not, that counts for something. It counts for a lot.’ No one says anything and she turns to Jack. ‘Jack, tell me you understand what I’m saying.’

Jack looks stricken as he shakes his head. ‘I can’t support you in this, Anna. I’m sorry. I know you’ve been through a lot with – with what happened before—’