Down Jasper Lane (Amherst Island Trilogy)

He laughed and ushered her towards the refreshments table. “I think I must broaden your horizons.”

Ellen smiled and said nothing. At that moment she felt strangely homesick, wanting only the comfort and familiarity of the island and its ways. Firmly she pushed such notions away and turned her attention back to Lucas. She wanted to enjoy herself this evening.

A few minutes later Lucas led her in the turkey trot, which was most certainly not a waltz or country dance, but it wasn’t the Grizzly Bear either. Laughing, she found herself getting quite in the mood of the thing, and Lucas shed his jacket as the ragtime carried on.

“Oh, I need a breath,” Ellen gasped after Lucas had taken her through the Texas Tommy.

“A breath of fresh air?” he said with a smile and led her outside.

The night was balmy for May, moths fluttering under the gas lamps and the distant sound of a woman’s laughter floating on the evening breeze. Couples mingled in the shadows, and Ellen quickly averted her eyes from the sight of a Queen’s man bending his head towards his partner’s for a kiss. She wrapped her arms around herself, taking a few steps away.

“Cold?” Lucas came up to her and rested one hand on her shoulder. “I could lend you my jacket, if you like.”

“No, thank you. I’m fine. It’s a lovely evening.” Ellen was conscious of Lucas’ closeness, the way his hazel eyes had flecks of gold, the little smile that quirked his lips. He was a handsome man, she told herself, if very different from Jed. And he was standing very close to her.

“I hope you’re enjoying the evening.”

“I am, Lucas, thank you. It’s been ages since I’ve got away.”

Gently he reached up and touched her cheek, his touch feather-light. “They work you too hard, I fear.”

“Most likely.” She let out a false little laugh, conscious of the intimacy of the touch. His fingers still lingered on her skin. It was not unpleasant, but it did not make her heart skip a beat either.

“Ellen...”

Ellen swallowed, for surely there could be no mistaking the look of intent in Lucas’ eyes, and she did not know how she felt about it. Paralyzed by indecision, she simply stood there as he bent his head and kissed her.

My first kiss, she thought as he pressed his lips gently to hers, his hand cradling her cheek. She closed her eyes, wanting to feel something, something wonderful, yet her mind felt strangely blank and numb. After a few seconds Lucas lifted his head and stepped away.

He looked at her, his mouth twisting in a wry smile. For having kissed her, he looked rather bemused. Perhaps she hadn’t been very good at it. “I don’t know if I should apologize,” he said, his voice both shaky and rueful. He ran a hand through his hair as Ellen blinked at him.

“I’ve never been kissed before.” She flushed at this admission, but Lucas only smiled.

“Me neither.” His smile became a wry grin. “It wasn’t so bad, was it?”

“No.” Ellen touched her fingers to her lips. “No, it wasn’t.”

There was a moment of silence, broken by a high-pitched yelp followed by a feminine squeal of laughter. Lucas shoved his hands in his trouser pockets.

“This might not be the right time to say it, but I will anyway. Ellen, I love you.”

Ellen stared. She had suspected Lucas might harbor some feelings for her, but a declaration of love took her completely by surprise and robbed her of speech. Her mind still felt terribly numb.

“I know you don’t love me,” he continued matter-of-factly, although the corners of his mouth turned down.

“Lucas—”

He held up one hand. “Not the way I love you, at any rate. I still hope that you may come to love me, in time. Nothing would make me happier than being your husband.” His face turned red. “I know I shouldn’t say that now, and I’m no good with flowery words. I keep those for the books. But... would you consider... my suit? In time? Knowing that I care for you very deeply?”

Ellen felt a lump in her throat. She had not expected this, so much, so soon. She wished she loved Lucas, loved him with the passion and intensity that he seemed to love her. The intensity she’d felt for Jed. Lucas was so perfectly suitable for her, he encouraged her and understood her far better than anyone, certainly Jed, did.

And she did love him... but not in the way that he wanted. Not, Ellen realized sadly, in the way she wanted. Yet could she come to, in time? Would she be offering both Lucas and herself false hope if she said she’d consider him?

“Lucas, you do me too much honor,” she began unsteadily, and his twisted smile made her realize he knew he was being let down.

“Never mind,” he said. “Don’t answer me now. I shouldn’t have spoken. I knew it was too early. Just... just know that I love you, and if you ever change your mind—or your heart—I’ll be there. Waiting. I’ll always be waiting, Ellen.”

She swallowed, touched by his sincerity. Why couldn’t she feel the same? Why couldn’t she will herself to?