“Yes, just like you ran off to do,” I pointed out. “I spotted him while I was waiting for you, and since I thought it was probably a big deal that two Upper Level demons were in the same area that Bael had been in, I decided it would be smart of me to see what was up.”
He opened his mouth.
“You know damn well I can take care of myself. You said so yourself. Or was that a lie?” I cut him off before he could say something that would remind me I’d planned to throat punch him. “I’m a fighter. This is what I was trained for, and you know I can defend myself, with or without you. Just like I know you can defend yourself without me. You don’t put me on the sidelines, because not only is that not cool, it’s a waste of time. I will not stay there.”
Zayne’s chin lifted and a long, terse moment passed. “You’re right.”
Surprise shuttled through me. “I know I am.”
“But you’re also wrong.”
I blinked. “Excuse me?”
“What I said earlier stands. I don’t doubt your ability to defend yourself. I’ve seen you in action. Asking you to stay behind while I checked out the demon wasn’t about me putting you in a timeout because I thought you couldn’t handle yourself.”
“Then what was it about?”
“It was about what happened with Misha,” he said, and I recoiled, actually taking a step back as my arms dropped to my side. “That,” Zayne said. “That right there. Your reaction. You just went through something horrible, Trin, and—”
“I’m fine.”
“Bullshit,” he snapped, and I swallowed the irrational urge to giggle that always accompanied him cussing. “You and I both know that’s not true, and that’s okay. No one in their right mind would expect you to be okay.”
But I had to be okay.
Didn’t he understand that? What had happened with Misha sucked donkey butt, but everything I felt surrounding that was filed and tucked away, and it was going to stay that way forever and a day. It had to be that way. I had a job to do, a duty to fulfill.
Zayne sighed. “I think it was pretty obvious I didn’t want to patrol tonight. That I thought we should stay in.” He paused. “But I also get why you want to be out here, doing something, so I relented.”
Irritation flared. “As my Protector, you don’t get to relent or not when it comes to—”
“As your friend I sure as Hell get to step in when I think something is a bad idea.” Zayne’s jaw hardened. “That’s what friends do, Trin. They don’t just let you do whatever the Hell you want, and if they do, then they’re not your friends.”
I thought of Jada. I knew that she would’ve suggested the same thing. Take some time. Deal with what happened and process it as best as I could.
But there really was no processing any of this.
Zayne’s wings twitched but remained tucked. “I wanted you to sit it out, because I thought it was a good idea for you to take it easy, because you had to end the life of someone you cared about deeply.”
I sucked in a sharp, scorching breath.
“And if you think that’s wrong, so be it. I’m sorry if I made you think I doubted you, but I am not sorry that I’m thinking of what you’ve been through.”
I swallowed hard, wanting to fire back at him, but...what he was saying made sense. Looking away, I gave a little shake of my head. “I’m ready to be out here.”
Zayne said nothing.
“I’m okay. I wasn’t distracted or in danger. Obviously.” I turned and promptly tripped over something, because, of course, God hated me. Catching myself, I lifted my gaze to Zayne.
He threw his arms up in frustration. “Seriously?”
I looked down and saw what happened to be a cable. “I didn’t see it. Whatever.” It was time to change the subject. “Did you find the demon?”
He muttered what sounded like a curse under his breath. “I tracked him, but he rounded a corner onto First Street and disappeared.”
First Street meant nothing to me.
Zayne must’ve sensed that, because he explained, “First Street can lead you toward several of the Senate buildings. Doesn’t mean that’s where the demon was heading. What happened here?”
I twisted at the waist and looked down at the charred patch. “Well, the demon sort of decided to end things himself.”
“Come again?” His head jerked in my direction, gray-tone lips pressed in a thin line.
“He impaled himself on my dagger.” I shrugged. “He was all smart mouth and threats until I got him on his back. I wanted to make him talk, you know? See if he knew anything about Bael or the Harbinger.”
“Make him talk?”
I nodded, deciding it was a good idea to keep to myself the fact I’d showed the demon what I was. “I’ve learned I can be very convincing.”
Zayne opened his mouth.
I rushed on. “Anyway, he wouldn’t tell me anything about Bael, but he knew him...and Misha.”
He moved closer as I returned to staring at the spot. “How can you be sure?”
A knot formed in my stomach. “He mentioned Misha, and he must’ve figured out who I was based on the questions I was asking.” That wasn’t exactly a lie. “He knew that I’d killed him.”
“Trin.” Zayne reached for me, and I felt the brush of his warm fingers against my arm.
An immediate rush of raw, pounding emotion swirled through me, and I stepped out of his reach. “He also knew about the Harbinger. Said roughly the same thing my father did. Rivers were going to run red and it was the end time.” I left out the part about Misha’s soul, and me being a part of it all, because I couldn’t believe the first part and the latter made no sense. “Didn’t really say anything helpful before literally impaling himself on my dagger. It was bizarre, but I think...”
“Think what?”
“I don’t know. He said he was already dead because I was the nephilim.” I folded my arms. “Like killing himself was the only option.”
Zayne seemed to mull that over. “Like he feared that either Bael or the Harbinger would know he’d been in contact with you, and that was it for him?”
I nodded slowly. “Doesn’t really make sense.”
“But it does if the demon was that afraid of what the Harbinger would do if it believed he’d talked.” His wings unfurled, creating his own gust of wind. “Or the demon understood once it figured out what you were that there was no escape. You’d kill him, anyway.”
True.
I would’ve totally killed him just because he made really lame threats, but I didn’t think it was that. The demon was more afraid of the Harbinger than me, and that didn’t bode well.
Not at all.
5
The rest of the evening was pretty uneventful. No more demons, just human-on-human violence. It ended with a shooting at a club we’d walked past that was apparently over a drink being spilled on someone’s girlfriend.
One thing was for sure, humans didn’t need demons to prompt them to do terrible things.
I thought about that after we got back to Zayne’s apartment and parted ways, him to the living room, me to the bedroom. Sometimes I wondered why God made such an effort to save humans and their souls when humans were so quick to throw it all away.
There had to be a balance of good and evil. That was why some demons, like Fiends, were allowed topside. They were a test, working humans’ every last nerve by destroying random things around them to see if they’d snap. One outburst of anger wasn’t a ticket to Hell, but everything a human did or thought was tallied up, and since the invention of social media, I could only imagine how long those tallies were becoming. Even some Upper Level demons had a purpose, interacting with humans to tempt them into using free will for sin and deviant behavior. It became a problem only when the demons crossed the line by actively manipulating humans or harming them. Of course, demons that didn’t look human—and there were a lot of them—weren’t allowed near humans, and that was when the Wardens stepped in.
Then again, most Wardens killed all demons on sight, even Fiends, and had since, well, the beginning.
But God had created Wardens to look after people, to risk their lives to help stack the odds in favor of eternal glory instead of eternal damnation, and people just... They still sought to destroy one another and themselves, as if it was innate. Some would say it stemmed from the self-destructive nature of Adam and Eve and the apple, that the battle played out every day, in every person, and that was the serpent’s greatest accomplishment—or curse—but at the end of the day, humans chose their own paths.
There was a whole lot of losing going on these days. Murders and assaults, robberies and greed, racism and bigotry, hatred and intolerance—all of it increasing instead of getting better, as if a boiling point was coming. Were these things symptoms of demons doing a damn good job, or were humans bound and determined to do the demons’ job for them?
Kind of made you wonder what the Hell the point was some days.
“God,” I muttered as I wiggled my arms. “That’s dark.”
Annoyed with my thoughts, I rolled onto my side and shut my eyes. I missed those tacky stars that had adorned my bedroom ceiling. They glowed a soft luminous white in the dark and made me feel...comforted. I knew that sounded strange.
I was strange.
I had no idea when my brain clicked off and I fell asleep, but it felt like only minutes before I opened my eyes and saw that the darkness had lifted from the room.
Feeling like I hadn’t slept at all, I dragged myself out of bed and got down to the morning routine. Letting my hair air-dry, I dressed with the same speed as I’d showered, and I was ready to leave the bedroom, glasses perched on my face, within fifteen minutes of waking.
I hesitated before I opened the bedroom door, preparing myself to see a sleepy, disheveled Zayne. I’d left the door unlocked again, and I refused to think about why. It took a moment for my eyes to adjust to the brighter room. Zayne wasn’t at the island, so that meant...