Rage and Ruin (The Harbinger 2)

He stared at me.

I stared back, and the silence stretched between us until I couldn’t take it any longer. “Hi.”

Zayne was too far away for me to tell if he smiled, but it sounded like there was one when he spoke. “Hey.”

Resisting the urge to wave at him like a doofus, I clasped my hands together. “You’re back.”

“I am.” He took a step forward and then another. “I wasn’t sure if you’d still be awake.”

And waiting up for him? I cringed. Was it that obvious? “I was just getting ready to sleep and I was thirsty.”

That was a total lie, but at least I was in my pajamas.

I stepped out of the bedroom, telling myself to just walk to the fridge, grab a bottle of water and then head back.

That’s not what I did.

“Did you have a good time?”

“Yeah,” he said, and then there was a pause. “I guess.”

“You guess?” I crossed my arms. “You were out pretty late, so I would think you did have a good time.”

He tilted his head. “It’s not that late.”

“So...” I shifted my weight from one foot to the other. “What did you guys do?”

Zayne leaned against the couch, clasping the back of it with his hands. “We went to dinner and then went down to the mall. We just walked around and talked.”

Irritation flared to life, and I tried to stamp it down, but I wanted to walk the mall with Zayne and do nothing but talk and laugh like normal people, like we’d planned to before everything had gone to Hell.

I needed to get a drink and go to bed. That’s what I really needed to do.

So, instead of doing that and keeping my mouth shut, I said, “Sounds like a lovely date.”

Zayne’s back straightened. “Date?”

I lifted my shoulders in a shrug. “I mean, I haven’t been on many.” Or any at all, but whatever. “But that’s what it sounds like to me.”

“It wasn’t a date, Trin. I told you that. It’s not like that between Stacey and I, not anymore.”

“It’s not?” Irritation was giving way to anger—and jealousy. And oh God, I needed to get control, because it wasn’t like that between us, either. “It’s not a big deal. I don’t care, anyway.”

“Seems like you care an awful a lot.”

“You’re wrong.”

“Yeah, I don’t think so. You’re jealous.”

I opened my mouth as heat flooded my cheeks. I could not believe he’d called me out. “I’m not—”

“Don’t even say you’re not. I can feel it.” He shook his head as he pushed off the couch. “You know, I can’t believe you actually think tonight was anything like a date.”

My back straightened. “Why wouldn’t I think that? You’re single. So is she. You two have a history. Don’t get why you think it’s such a crazy conclusion to come to.”

“You don’t?” He took another step toward me, and his features became less of a blur. He was definitely frowning. “Do you really think, after everything that’s happened between you and I, I’d go out on a date with someone else?”

Slowly, I unfolded my arms. “What happened between us doesn’t matter.”

His brows shot up. “It doesn’t?”

I shook my head, even though that was yet another lie, because what happened between us did matter.

It would always matter.

“It can’t,” I said, finally speaking the truth.

Lips curling in a cruel grimace of a smile, he shook his head as he looked away. “I don’t know who you think I am, and Hell if I want to know, but let me tell you something, Trin.” His gaze came back to mine. “There is no way in Hell I’d be out there screwing around just because I can’t have the person I want.”

My breath caught.

Zayne was now just a foot from me. “Maybe some people work like that, but not me. You should know that.”

I should.

Part of me totally did, deep down—the logical part of me I rarely listened to. The same part of me that had apparently left me hanging at the moment.

“And if you think I’m capable of doing anything with anyone, then you obviously haven’t been paying attention.”

Swallowing hard, I took a step back from him and then another.

“You drive me crazy,” he said, eyes narrowing. “Looking at you right now, I can tell there’s still a part of you that has no idea.”

“I—”

That’s all I got out. Zayne moved so fast I couldn’t even track him, probably wouldn’t have been able to even if I had good eyes. He was there, and suddenly his hands were at my waist. He lifted me up, and within a heartbeat my back was pressed to the cool cement wall.

Then his mouth crashed into mine and there was nothing slow or tentative about this kiss—about the way his lips moved against mine—and my lips parted for him. The sound he made heated my skin, and I just reacted in the way I’d been wanting to, needing to. I kissed him back. And the kiss was...oh God, it was everything, because I didn’t want soft or questioning. I wanted this. Hard. Fast. Raw. He kissed me as if he were drowning and I was air, and I wasn’t sure I’d ever been kissed like this. Not even by him. I didn’t even know you could be kissed like this.

“Sorry,” he said. “I forgot kissing was off-limits.”

I had no words.

“Just because I’m not supposed to want you, doesn’t mean I’ve stopped wanting you,” he said. “Just because what I feel for you physically isn’t supposed to mean something more, doesn’t mean I’ve stopped wanting you. That hasn’t changed.”

His words were a startling mix of warmth and coldness as his mouth found mine again. I’d wanted to hear him say that. Needed it, because it felt good and warm and right. But his words also brought a shock of cold reality with them.

He wasn’t supposed to be doing this.

Neither was I.

All of this felt like more.

“You want this?” he said, voice thick. “That hasn’t changed?”

“No,” I admitted. “Never.”

His mouth was on mine again, his kisses like long sips of water, and I wanted more. I wanted too much. Breaking the kiss, I tipped my head back against the wall as my heart pounded. “The rules...”

Zayne followed, reclaiming the scant distance. His lips brushed mine, sending a tight shiver down my spine. “Fuck the rules.”

My eyes widened as the back of my throat tickled with a laugh. “Zayne.”

“What?” His forehead touched mine as his hands tightened on my hips. “Following the rules has never benefited me in the past. All I’ve ever done is follow the rules.”

His skin heated under my hands as I stared at him. “I’m pretty sure working with demons is the opposite of following the rules.”

“Exactly. When I finally broke those rules, for the most part, only good things have come from that.” I wondered what he meant by most part. “There were other rules I wished I’d never followed. Rules that served no purpose other than to control me.”

“But my father—”

“I don’t care,” he said. “Nothing happened the last time we kissed, or when we did more. Nothing happened before the bond, and nothing happened after it. We’re both still here.”

“We are, but that doesn’t mean anything.”

“How many rules are there that make absolutely no sense?” Zayne reasoned, and I couldn’t answer, because there were a lot of rules that were a joke. He chuckled, and the sound rumbled through me. “I can’t believe you’re arguing for following the rules. Usually it’s the other way around.”

My lips twitched. “Maybe it’s opposite day?”

“Maybe...” His hands flexed on my hips, and then he shifted me farther up. Instinct drove me to grab his shoulders and curl my legs around his waist. Our bodies were lined up in the most interesting way...and then he pressed against me, causing my breath to catch. “And maybe sometimes following the rules isn’t the right thing to do.”

“Maybe,” I repeated, my skin humming from the contact as I drew a hand up the side of his neck, to his jaw. The bristle of hair grazed my palm as my eyes searched his face. This close, every detail of his features was startlingly clear. “Maybe you’re right.”

One side of his lips kicked up. “I’m always right. Haven’t you realized that yet?”

A grin tugged at my mouth and then faded as my heart thundered in my chest with a yearning that made me feel like my skin would split wide open with it. Zayne was right here, where I wanted him, where I’d spent countless moments wishing he was. Now that he was here, it seemed impossible and yet somehow inevitable.

His hand slid up my side, stopping just below my breast. Every cell in my body seemed to short out as if I were a live wire.

I wanted Zayne.

It was a physical thing, yes. My body burned for him—for his touch, for his mere presence. Each day we were around each other, it became harder and harder to ignore the almost overwhelming need, but it was more than a physical desire. It was him, everything about Zayne. His humor and intelligence. His need to protect those whom others did not find worthy of protecting. The way he sometimes looked at me as if I were the most important being ever created. It was even in the way I knew he had loved Layla, been hurt by her loss but still wanted her to be happy with Roth. It was the moments. When a chuckle turned into in real laugh. When he let himself go, slipped out of the role of Warden and Protector to just be Zayne. It was that dinner and the nights he was there to beat back the nightmares. It was the moments when he helped me forget about Misha.

And all of that...terrified me, because I was... I was falling in love with him, and that was forbidden. Even if it weren’t, it was risky, because he’d loved Layla so fully, and I didn’t know if that meant he had the capacity to feel that kind of love again.