The Fallen moved around the side of the bed to stand before me. It was majestic and terrible, and I fell to my knees.
“You do not fully understand what I speak of, child,” it hissed.
I screamed at it in horror. I felt its power, brutal in its truth, and I was afraid.
With my dress barely on my body, I ran from it and through a door.
A fierce and sudden cold enveloped me, and I felt myself fall.
Landing upon my hands, I looked up to see Magda staring down at me.
“Mistress?”
I leaped to my feet and whirled about. I stood in my own room, clad in a long dressing gown, my hair falling past my waist.
“Magda,” I said. “How did I-“
“Did you just now arrive? I did not hear you enter. I received your notice that you were trapped by the sun at the hotel,” she said as she looked at me fearfully, kneeling down to pick up my dress and shoes from the night before.
Clutching my gown tightly about me, I felt myself shivering. “Yes, yes, I just arrived. I would like a bath. I am quite cold. ”
Magda nodded, her dark eyes regarding me with fearful curiosity.
I moved to the window and sat down in a chair, embracing myself as I trembled. I could hear Astir’s words clearly in my mind and they terrified me. I was afraid of the Fallen and its power. I had wanted to speak with it of God and heaven, but was afraid it would reveal that I was truly damned and beyond absolution. Now, I am more afraid than before. I cannot bear it if I am the downfall of my beloved Ignatius.
As I now write this, fresh from my bath, I look back upon the events of last night and feel quite the fool. How could I not realize that the world I now inhabit is more dangerous than I could ever imagine? How could I not see that the joy I bring Ignatius is tinged with sadness? How did I believe I could love him and not cause us both pain?
I have been a fool and I am afraid.
Later -
After my last entry, I dressed in my favorite blue velvet dressing gown and sat writing a letter to my brother. I
felt that this action would allow me to feel more like myself and at peace. I did not want to think of the terrifying Fallen and the words it had uttered as my beloved had slept.
I was nearly done with my letter when I heard a noise behind me. I turned in my chair and let out a gasp.
Ignatius sat on my bed clad in long trousers and a long black coat. His face was clean-shaven and his hair fell loosely to his waist.
“You left,” he said simply.
I lowered my eyes, for once utterly speechless.
Looking about my room, he sighed. “I woke to Astir being in the room. The Fallen said something to upset you, did he not?”
I felt tears in my eyes and dared not look up.
“He would not tell me what he had said to you, but told me that I should prepare myself for the worst. He would not tell me, of course, what that meant. ”
“Does it speak the truth or lies?”
Ignatius regarded me warily. “The truth. Always. Though not as clearly as one would like. ”
I wiped my tears away, dreadfully tormented at the thought that I could be the instrument that could destroy Ignatius. “I love you,” I said at last with a sob.
“And I you, but quite suddenly I feel as though you are lost to me. ” His expression was quite pained, his jaw was tensely set. “And I do not understand why. ”
“I would never do anything to hurt you. Never. I love you so much. I dream of being with you and only you,” I said in a rush of words.