“He does well on scavenging runs,” Nerit pointed out. “He’s competent. ”
“He is probably going out for Jason,” Katie added. “They’re pretty close. ”
“They are always working on defensive weapons together. ” Nerit sat down slowly, settling the sniper rifle at her side. “What is your point in scrutinizing the list, Travis?”
“I’m closer to Juan than all these people except for Linda. I should be going out there. He is my best friend!”
Katie stepped toward Travis, her hand reaching for his. He had already pushed her away once today and though he seemed ready to do it again, he relented and let her take his hand. “Travis, we all know you care about Juan. I know what it feels like to be helpless in the face of death, but you are needed here. Everyone in the fort knows you’re willing to put your life on the line. You helped bring weapons back to the fort, you helped clear the hotel, you helped bring down the bandits. That is why people trust you. ”
“She’s right, Travis. If you’re trying to prove anythin
g to us, you don’t have to. ”
“Eric, it’s not about proving anything to you guys. In fact, the Travis Fan Club in this fort freaks me the hell out! It’s about. . . ” Travis struggled with his emotions. “It’s about me. How I feel. I want to help my friend. I want to help save him. ”
Katie ran her hand gently over his hair and let it rest on the back of his neck. He looked toward her, his expression anguished. She could feel tears filling her eyes, but she struggled not to let them fall. “We understand more than you realize. But we need you here. You may not like it, but you’re our stability. You make us believe we can survive and flourish in this world. It may not seem like much to you, but it’s everything to us. ”
“Listen to your wife and stop being a bullheaded idiot,” Peggy said shortly.
“She’s right. If you were to die out there, do you know what that would do to us?”
Travis stared at Peggy angrily, then shook his head. “Dammit. ”
“And don’t say one of us can take over. We got our job to do and none of us can do what you do. ” Bill crossed his arms over his chest.
Eric nodded his head vigorously. “That is very true. ”
“I am the one who fucked up! I’m the one who didn’t let that psycho take that damn Hummer and leave. And she shot my friend because of it!”
“So it comes out. You feel guilty,” Nerit said, lifting an eyebrow.
“Gawdammit, Travis! Blanche is unhinged. That girl hasn’t been firing on all cylinders for a damn long time. You can’t blame yourself!” Peggy looked ready to smack him and Katie couldn’t blame her.
“I can’t help but feel it is my fault. ”
“So you’re going to go out into the deadlands and risk not coming back to soothe your guilt? You should feel guilty for putting yourself at risk. We all need you. I need you. The baby needs you. ” Katie tried to keep her voice even and not let her own anger and desperation leak into it.
Travis looked down at the volunteer sheet. His fingers were trembling and his jaw was clenched. Finally, mutely, he nodded and gave in.
Setting the paper aside, he leaned forward, setting his hands on his knees and exhaling, long and slow.
“It’s the right thing to do, Travis,” Nerit assured him.
“Charlotte is drawing a map of the hospital interior and marking where they need to go. She has Belinda photocopying pictures of the equipment the team needs to bring back. ” Eric motioned toward Bill. “Bill is organizing the teams and debriefing them. It’s a dangerous run, but it’s being handled. You’re needed here. People are still freaking out over all of this. And you may not like it, Travis, but you are a calming force. ”
Travis straightened and pulled Katie into his arms, resting his cheek against hers.
“It’s the right thing to do,” she whispered in his ear.
“It doesn’t make it easier,” he answered softly.
“It never does. ” She slowly ran her hands over his hair and tucked them behind his neck. Pressing a soft kiss to his lips, she felt his body slowly relax.
“Oh, you two make me sick,” Peggy declared.
Resting his forehead against Katie’s, Travis said softly, “Get the volunteers together. We need to get them out there and fast. We’re burning sunlight. ”
“I’ll get them to the dining room. ”