Closing his eyes, he held her tightly and sighed with relief. “I was hoping, but I wasn’t sure since you are a lesbian. ”
“Actually, I’m not,” Katie said much to his amazement. Drawing back, she grabbed his hand and guided him to sit with her on the edge of the bed.
“You had a wife,” he pointed out.
Katie nodded as her expression grew sorrowful. “And I love her with all my heart. I would have gladly and happily spent the rest of my life with her. But, before Lydia, I was engaged to a man. And before him, I dated both men and women. I’m technically bisexual. I find no issue loving either sex. I just happened to fall madly in love with a spectacular woman and lived a very happy existence with her until this happened. ”
Travis tried to take this in. Processing it was a little harder than it probably should be. “So you’ve been with men before?”
Katie nodded.
“Oh, thank God,” Travis said. “I was worried sick about being with you and not knowing how the hell to please you. ”
Katie began to laugh and wrapped her arms around him. “You’re really silly sometimes. ”
“You have no idea about the performance anxiety I was having.
Hell, I was afraid you’d take one look at,” he looked down at his lap, “you know…and run screaming. ”
Her eyes widened, then she really began to laugh. “No, no, I promise I won’t. It’s been awhile, but I am pretty sure I remember how it all works. Not that you’re getting any soon-”
Travis blinked and immediately realized how presumptuous he had been. “No, I mean, no, Katie, of course not, I didn’t mean-”
“I’m just giving you a hard time, Travis,” Katie said with a soft kiss to his cheek. “But honestly, all this is not as easy for me as you may think. I’m…” She sighed and looked lost for words.
Travis gently stroked her hair and kissed her cheek. “You don’t have to say or do anything you don’t want to, Katie. ”
“I’m just dealing with a lot of guilt,” Katie said after a long pause.
“I lived my life in the gay community for almost a decade. Lydia and I had to fight many battles against people who wanted to punish us for loving each other. We worked tirelessly to make sure we were both covered legally should either one of us die. We worked hard for gay rights after we decided to live openly as a lesbian couple. We were well known in our community and I dealt with a lot of flack from my superiors. Even my own mother and father had trouble with the choice I had made. When I broke up with my male fiance and moved in with Lydia, my Mother told me to never speak to her again, that I had crushed her hopes and dreams. ”
Travis listened quietly, trying to understand and feeling he might have a slight idea of what she went through. Of course, his only frame of reference was when he had dated a black woman for a short period and her family had been staunchly opposed to it. He had been determined to keep the relationship going, but she had opted to end it when the pressure became too great. When he had informed his parents they had broken up, he was surprised that his very liberal parents had sighed with relief. He knew it wasn’t the same, but he felt that maybe he had an inkling of what she was talking about.
“So, the point of all this is, I became very used to living in the LGBT community. And trust me that wasn’t always easy. If I identified myself as bisexual, I was sometimes told I just hadn’t fully accepted being a lesbian. Lydia would defend me, but I eventually stopped telling anyone that identified as bi. In fact, this one woman we knew congratulated me on accepting myself as a lesbian and not being in denial. Lydia understood, even though she was never with a man nor was she attracted to them, that I had made a choice to be with her because of who she was, not her gender. I need you to understand that too. ”
Travis nodded. “I do get that, Katie. I do. And I don’t expect you to not love Lydia anymore or think badly of your old lifestyle. All I ask is that you let what we have grow and be what it wants to be. Give me a chance to love you. ”
Katie took a deep breath. “I wasn’t sure I wanted to do that, but I am now. Life is far too short. I can’t let my nightmares or my guilt keep me from enjoying what life I have left. I realized that today. In all the insanity, death and violence, I realized that in the end I just
wanted you to hold me. ”
Travis felt the heaviness that had been on his heart and his fears dissipate with her words. Her took her face gently between his hands and kissed her very softly. “I want to hold you. ”
Smiling, she kissed him back, and then slid away from him.
In silence, he slipped off his boots and his jacket and lay back on the pile of pillows on the bed. She came into his arms and lay her head on his chest. With infinite gentleness, he stroked her bruised flesh and kissed the top of her head.
It was deliciously good.
***
Eric emerged from the sparkling tub that was tucked into the bathroom of the new comfortable hotel room that he now shared with Stacey and Pepe. It was a relief, not to have to stand in line to use the restroom or sign in to take a shower. The shower had been a wonderful experience. He grinned as he wrapped a fresh towel around his hips.
The hotel room was high above the streets outside the walls of the fort where the dead roamed and moaned. There was a delightful silence to the night.
He vigorously scrubbed his wet hair with the towel, trying to dry it as he entered the bedroom. Pepe was lying in his new doggie bed nearby, wagging his tail despite his sleepy expression.
“Hey, is Pepe going to sleep with us? ” Eric asked. He was used to the little guy snuggling down with them.