She had trouble looking at him in the eye and he gently turned her face toward him.
When he saw the pain in her eyes, he gently lowered his hand. "Lydia?"
Nodding mutely, she began to mess with her hair again.
"Katie, I know what is going on is confusing," he started.
Katie refused to look directly at him as she fussed with her hair. "You're not the one betraying your wife. Your entire life for years. You're not living with the knowledge that your wife is one of those things now!"
Travis drew back and lowered his head, his expression tormented and sorrowful.
"I lived my life for the last decade with an incredible woman who did nothing but love me unconditionally and believe in me. I loved-love her with all my heart and it kills me that she is gone. "
Travis looked up with her, a stricken expression on his face. "I understand. "
Katie tried hard not to cry and shook her head. "No, you don't. You don't know what it is like to live your life with someone you love more than life itself and have people treat you like shit because of it. How you don't hold hands or kiss in public out of fear. Or the way it feels when you do finally come out fully to a world that swings back and forth between wanting to see you fuck your wife or drive you out of the neighborhood. You don't understand. "
Travis took hold of her wrist and drew her near. His voice was very raw with emotion. "Don't tell me that I don't know what it is like to love someone.
If you haven't figured it out, I do love you. And I will continue to do so as you deal with the ghost of Lydia in your life. Maybe I'm a fool to believe you could love me back, but your kiss gave me hope. Lydia may have been your life and hope before, but now she is your tormentor and your curse. "
"Fuck you!"
"Katie, our world is dead. Everything that we were is dead. This is the new world. What we make of it. It's been a few weeks, but it feels like a lifetime ago, doesn't it? Who you are now is not who you were on that first day. "
She sobbed and nodded mutely. It did seem like an eternity ago. Time seemed odd and cruel. Everyone seemed to be living at an accelerated pace.
"I feel lost without her here. I miss her! Every day I miss her and the only way I can deal with it is to not think about her!" She gasped at her own words and covered her mouth with her fingers.
Travis' gaze warmed and he reached out toward her. "Katie, you're not doing anything wrong. She loved you and you loved her. But you can't let that stop you from living now. "
She blinked the tears from her lashes and took a slow, stuttering breath.
Katie drew back from him, covering her face with her hands. She trembled at the impact of his words and he slipped his arms around her and held her gently. Laying her hands on his chest, she looked up at him and sighed.
"I can't forget her. "
"And you shouldn't," he assured her. He kissed her forehead and drew away.
She rubbed her face and then ran her hands over her T-shirt to smooth it out as she tried to regain her composure. Right now, she couldn't fully examine his words or try to deal with them, but they had hit a harsh chord within her.
"You didn't come in here to calm me down from a nightmare," she said after a beat.
"Yeah, we have a situation. It's not going to be pleasant. Someone threw Ritchie over the wall, bound and gagged. "
Katie dropped her hands. "What?"
Travis looked at her sadly. "He's out there, in the street, staring up at the city hall. He's not moving, just staring. He's pretty much eaten away, but you can tell it was him. "
"Oh, gawd, that's awful," Katie gasped.
"Yeah. And I have to go find Juan. He's suspect number one, followed by Curtis. "
Katie shook her head. "No, no, I don't believe either one of them would do that. "
"Yeah, but Bill is investigating so we need to find Juan," Travis answered grimly.
"He's with Jenni," Katie said.