Her Naughty Holiday (Men at Work 2)

“You’re joking,” her mother said in that prim way she had of creating the reality she wanted to believe in.

“I’m not,” Clover said. “I almost hired a male escort this week but then Erick volunteered his services.”

“I’m much cheaper than Sven, and I come with a money-back guarantee,” Erick said.

“Clover, this is not an appropriate topic for dinner,” her father said.

“We aren’t eating yet. Erick’s still carving. By the way, Erick’s my fake boyfriend, not my real one. I asked him to pretend to be my boyfriend this week to shut you all up about my personal life. Since it didn’t work, might as well come clean.”

“Wait a second,” Hunter said. “What the hell is going on here?”

“Well...” Clover placed her hands flat on the table, pushed back her chair and stood up. “You see... I’m a very successful businesswoman who lives in a lovely little home in a beautiful community and I have a job I love and plenty of money. That is not good enough for anyone in this room except for me apparently. You all only care if I’m married and having babies for some reason. Or if I’m getting my PhD in something. Those seem to be my only two choices. But I’m not married, not having kids and not back in school. I knew you all would try to make me miserable about that so I needed a fake boyfriend. Erick volunteered. He probably wishes he were anywhere but here. And I don’t blame him. I do, too.”

“Clover Greene, this is absurd,” her mother said. “Your family loves you and wants you to be—”

“Happy, right?” Clover asked. “You want me to be happy?”

“Yes, of course we want you to be happy,” her father said. “That’s all we’ve ever wanted.”

“Then let me tell you how you can make me happy,” Clover said. “You can shut the hell up about my life is what you can do and then I’ll be the happiest woman on earth. Don’t you all ever get tired of telling me what to do with my life, my body and my money? God knows I’m tired of hearing it.”

“I will not be spoken to like this.” Her mother stood up and faced her across the table.

“Don’t like it?” Clover demanded. “Welcome to my world. You come into my house and insult my clothes, my boyfriend, my life choices and my boyfriend’s daughter. Erick, you were right. They are all a bunch of assholes. Except you, Lisa. You’re just a pushover.”

“I know,” Lisa said, and sighed.

“Takes one to know one,” Clover said with true sympathy. “But I’m tired of being a pushover. Kelly, I love you, but you’ve been extremely bitchy to me lately and for no reason at all.”

“What? I don’t—”

“How many times have you told me I will never know true happiness until I have kids?” Clover demanded. “A hundred? A thousand? How would you feel if I said to you, ‘Kelly, you will never know true happiness until you buy a house with your own money? You will never know true happiness until you’ve succeeded at making a business dream come true? You will never know true happiness until you can buy anything you want without having to ask your husband for permission?’ You don’t know that happiness because you’ve never paid your own way in your entire life. You got married right out of college to a rich guy. Mommy and Daddy footed the bills until you were twenty-one and your rich husband foots them now. Do you like hearing how you can’t possibly be happy like I am? Do you like being told that I don’t believe you’re happy no matter how happy you tell me you are? You don’t like it because it’s an awful thing to say to someone, telling them they might never know true happiness.”

Kelly opened her mouth and nothing came out. She covered it with her hand as if holding back words or tears or vomit.

“Damn,” Erick said. He sounded almost impressed. “Direct hit.”

“And you, Hunter,” Clover said, “are a sexist jerk who treats his wife like a housekeeper. You tell me having kids isn’t hard? You know why having kids isn’t hard for you? Because you do none of the work. When’s the last time you were alone with your three girls? When’s the last time you took them to their doctors’ appointments or cooked their dinner or even picked them up from school?”

“Never,” Lisa said. Everyone at the table turned and looked at her. “What? It’s true.”

“You stay out of this, Lisa. Clover, that’s not fair at all,” Hunter said. “But what would you know about marriage and kids? You don’t even have a real boyfriend.”

“I feel real,” Erick said. “Can you see me?” he asked Kelly and waved his hand in front of her face. She didn’t even blink. “Okay, maybe I’m not real.”

“My fake boyfriend I have been fucking all week long,” Clover said. “Right where you’re sitting, for example.”

“Clover!” Her mother half gasped, half screamed. “How dare you—”

“How dare I? How dare I?” Clover asked. She was so angry she thought she would be sick. But the anger gave her power. She couldn’t stop. Not when she’d finally found her courage. “You told me that I should break up with Erick because I deserve the best and a teenage stepdaughter is second-best. Did you not just say that ten minutes ago in the kitchen?”

“I only meant—”

“I know what you meant,” Clover said. “Let me tell you how wrong you are. Ruthie is a goddess. On top of that, she’s a friend. My friend. She’s my friend and she’s Erick’s only daughter and for those reasons alone you should speak respectfully of her. What sort of adult woman insults a teenage girl behind her back? Especially a teenage girl I adore and respect and love. Ruthie isn’t second-best. I would be the luckiest woman alive to be her stepmother. I’ll tell you this, Mom. You don’t deserve to be her grandmother. And you don’t deserve to be her grandfather,” she said to her dad. “How dare you tell me I’ve gained weight the second you walk into my house? Did I ask you for your opinion on my body? You look old, Dad. You look old and tired and wrinkly and gray and you’re not as tall as you used to be, so put that in your pipe and smoke it.”

Clover’s father sat back in his chair and threw his napkin on the table.

“I think you sunk his battleship,” Erick whispered to Clover. She ignored him.