I laughed, some of my melancholy easing, as I waved her out the door.
Nana Iris. I touched my still-flat stomach. That had a nice ring to it.
It wasn’t too much long after Iris left that I got a call from Jess, followed by one from Dahlia. They wanted to come to the house but I told them both I was exhausted. The truth was, I just … I just wanted to wallow for a while.
Wallow in the utter disappointment that was Jack Devlin.
While I was wallowing, I began internet researching. I sent for a bunch of books on pregnancy. Maybe it was too soon, but I liked to feel prepared and since it was apparently impossible to feel prepared for parenthood, I had to do something.
In the middle of a freak-out about the impossibility of preparedness (because who knew there was a situation outside of death in which you could not prepare yourself!), I got a text from Ivy.
Had a drunken one-night stand with the sheriff. Thought it might take your mind off Bailey outing that you’re having a baby with the town lothario. On that note, how are you feeling?
I spit out my tea on a surprised bark of shocked laughter.
I hit the call button.
Ivy answered after two rings. “You okay?”
I smiled. “I’m fine. How are you?”
“Oh, Em, would it be self-absorbed to ask God why I keep making stupid decisions?”
“She asks the pregnant girl,” I joked.
Ivy chuckled. “Was Jack Devlin a stupid decision?”
“Five years’ worth.”
“Ouch. Okay, there is a bigger story here obviously.”
“Yes, there is, but you texted me to get my mind off my problems. Was Jeff a stupid decision?”
“Can you keep a secret? I mean, Bailey already knows but … can you?”
“Of course.”
“Jeff moved to Hartwell when I was sixteen. He was twenty-two, a deputy at the time, and he moved here because he fell in love with Kelly Aikman. She was beautiful and sweet and I envied the hell out of her the moment I caught sight of Jeff.” Ivy laughed. “I spent my last two years in Hartwell mooning over a married man who didn’t even know I was alive. Then I left, and crushes fade, you know … but Bailey would keep me informed. That he got elected sheriff. That Kelly died. Fuck, that broke my heart. I envied her for so long, and then … she had so little time. And she was the sweetest woman. Oh gosh, I hurt for him, you know. Losing her so soon. And you would have thought it would wake me up.” She seemed to be talking to herself now. “But, no, I kept on going, making stupid mistake after stupid mistake, as if we’re granted a never-ending supply of chances. Which we’re not.
“I’d just started dating Oliver when Bailey told me Jeff and Dahlia were a thing. I was jealous. Isn’t that ridiculous? I didn’t even really know Jeff. He was just a crush. I guess … I guess I was jealous of more than that. Dahlia was Bailey’s new best friend. She was dating Jeff. She … she was living a life maybe I’d missed out on … that was all my fault, I guess.”
“Ivy …” I said her name just to remind her I was there.
She cleared her throat. “Anyway, Jeff and I talked for real for the first time when that whole thing with Freddie Jackson went down. And then last night, he was very attentive.”
“Of course, he was.” I smiled to myself. “Ivy, you’re …”
“I’m what?”
“Well, you’re not only the most stunning woman I’ve ever met in real life, you’re … you’re not the easiest person to get a lock on.” My own honesty surprised me. Words were just blurting out of me these days.
“In what way?”
“This is the most you’ve ever told me about yourself.”
She chuckled. “Emery, I know nothing about you except that you’re pregnant with Jack Devlin’s baby, so pot, meet kettle.”
“I didn’t mean it in a bad way. I just mean that I could see how a man like Jeff would be intrigued to know more. You don’t give everything away up front.”