“Oh, it would have. Eventually. If I’d stuck with it.”
He picked up his beer and took a sip. “Why the pretense in the first place? Why not just tell me you didn’t want to go out with me? I would’ve let it be. I would’ve dropped it.”
“Because you would have still liked me, and you would still have been all flirty, and I would have still liked you.”
He frowned. “And?”
“And…that would have been bad. I mean, look at you.” She gestured toward him and drank her peach martini. After she swallowed, she continued. “You’re gorgeous, and you know full well how effective that smolder you’ve got going on is.”
He choked on a laugh. “My smolder? I don’t have a—”
“Yes, you do.”
“I—” He broke off and shrugged. “Okay. Fine. What about it?”
“It’s going to take me down, if I let it. I lost everything, and almost gave up, because of a man like you.” She pressed her red lips together. “I refuse to fall for another guy who could have the power to destroy me. You’re too much like him. I need to be smarter this time. I can’t fall into the same traps I did with him.”
He shook his head. “I wouldn’t destroy you like that. Why the hell would I?”
“Look. I want things. Things I won’t get by staying here.”
He leaned in. “What kind of things?”
“I want a job in a small town, away from all of this, and I want a life that’s completely of my choosing. I can’t control everything. I can’t even control half of the things I wish I could.” She lifted a shoulder. “But I can control how I react to situations, and what I do with them, and I refuse to let myself fall for you. I refuse to lose myself in you. I’m not that girl.”
“You want to leave Atlanta,” he said, his voice level even though the idea of her leaving just after he’d found her made him feel ill.
“Desperately.” She picked up her drink again. “I’ve applied to a few places, even.”
“Where?”
“Everywhere. Tennessee. Virginia. Texas.” She smiled faintly. “I’m open to wherever, as long as it’s a
small town, away from cities like this.”
“I…see.” He blinked, not sure why it bothered him so much that she was planning on leaving. But it fucking did. “I grew up in a small town. It had your last name. Jefferson. Everyone knows one another’s business. Everyone knows everyone else’s secrets. People know what you did before you’re even done doing it.” He paused. “I absolutely hated it.”
“I miss it.” She closed her eyes for a second. “I grew up in a small town, too. I thought I wanted to be in a city, but I was wrong. I’m not a city girl at all. As soon as I find a job, I’m out of here, and I’m never coming back.”
Well, shit. “I don’t see what I have to do with that, adversely or otherwise. If you want to leave, then leave, but that doesn’t mean we can’t go on a date.”
“I tried telling myself that. I did. But you see, like I said, I came here for a guy. He was a smooth talker, like you, and he always said all the right things at all the right times, like you. I trusted him. Loved him. Changed my whole life for him.” She hesitated, then added, “I could see myself doing that for you, too. Changing myself.”
He held a hand up. “I’m not asking for you to love me, Shel. I just want to be your friend, and maybe make you come a few times in my bedroom. I’m not asking for a relationship, or anything serious. As a matter of fact, I don’t do relationships at all. Ever.”
“I…” She stared at him, her jaw hanging open at his honesty. “Hypothetically, if I let you work your magic on me, and do that whole slow burn thing you were talking about…which was really sexy, by the way…then, again hypothetically, I’m going to fall for you. I’m sure I would. It would be easy to fall for you…hypothetically. I see that now.”
“You’re worried I’ll make you fall for me, and change your mind about leaving.” He held up a finger when she opened her mouth. “Hypothetically.”
She nodded once. “Yes.”
“I would never try to keep you here. And I don’t want you to fall for me like that.” He forced a smile. “In fact, I’d prefer it if you didn’t. It just complicates things when I walk away.”
Again, she looked at him in surprise. “But I might want to stay. Because of you. And if I did, I’d grow to resent that choice over time.”
He laughed. “You’re writing out our whole story before we even finish our first date, Shel. Who says I won’t be so bad in bed that you run in the opposite direction?”
She leaned in. “Tell me you haven’t thought of where this is going, or what you want. I know how your mind works. You’ve played out all the scenarios, too.”