She crossed her arms. “Did you come all the way out here to tell me that?”
“Yes. No.” He rubbed his jaw. “You look good, Shel.”
Pain knifed through her. “Why are you here?”
“I needed to see you.” He dropped his hands to his sides and stood there, staring at her. “I miss you.”
She said nothing. Betrayed nothing.
Just waited.
“When I said all those things…all those terrible things…I didn’t mean them. I swear to God, I didn’t mean them. My offer of a long-distance relationship was real. Everything I felt for you, everything you thought I felt for you, was real. I didn’t make that offer as an empty way to let you go so we could avoid an awkward good-bye. I offered it because I didn’t want to let you go, period.”
She bit down on her lip. “But you did.”
“I know. It was the stupidest thing I’ve ever done, giving you up without a fight.”
“There was no fight to be had. I literally threw myself at you, told you I loved you, and asked you to love me, too.” Her throat throbbed with the sobs she barely managed to hold back. “In return, you told me to go, and said that you didn’t want to be with me.”
He winced. “Shel—”
“And now, you’re here, saying all these pretty things, and I’m just supposed to, what, forgive you and jump into a long-distance relationship with both feet? Trust you again? Love you again? Give you my trust and my heart?”
“Yes. No. I don’t know.” He curled and uncurled his hands. “All I know is I can’t sleep without you. I can’t breathe without you. I can’t live without you. More importantly, I don’t fucking want to. I’m here to beg you for another chance. I’m here to ask you to trust me one more time, and if you do, I promise I won’t let you down. I promise I’ll make you happy.”
She shook her head. “It’s too late. I trusted you. I gave my heart to you, and you crushed it like it was nothing. You broke it. I’m not giving it back to you because you flew down here for a day to tell me you missed me. It’s not enough.”
“I know it’s not.” He closed the distance between them. “That’s why I’m not down here for a day, asking for forgiveness. I came to earn it, and I’m not leaving until I do.”
Her heart jumped into her throat. “What?”
“I quit my job, Shel. I packed my shit up, rented a U-Haul, and came here. To you.” He caught her hands. She didn’t even try to pull away, because she was in shock. He quit his job and drove to Texas for her. “I fucked up, Shel. I know it. You know it. More importantly, I know I need to make it right. I’m not giving up until I find some way to make this up to you.”
“You quit your job?” she said slowly, staring up at him. “How? Why? You signed a contract to be a partner. You had a five-year plan.”
“Fuck my plan. It was nothing without you. You’re my new plan.”
She took a step back, pulling free. “I…I don’t know
what to say.”
“Say what you’re thinking,” he said, echoing her words from a week ago, when he’d crushed her heart into broken shards. “Yell at me. Curse me out. Tell me you hate me. I can take it.”
“I don’t hate you,” she whispered, tears blurring her vision. “But I wish I did. You broke me.”
“I know,” he said, closing the distance between them again, giving her no respite. She couldn’t breathe when he was that close to her, but at the same time, oddly enough, she finally could. “I’m so fucking sorry for that, Shel.”
She shook her head. “It’s not enough.”
“I know. I’m not asking it to be. Be mad at me. Be sad. Be whatever you have to be.” He cradled her chin with his thumb and forefinger, lifting her face up and smiling gently down at her. “When you’re done being angry, when you don’t want to yell at me anymore, I’ll be here, waiting, ready to show you that you can trust me. Ready to show you that despite what I said back in Atlanta, there is nothing I’d like more than to be with you, to have your love. If I can’t have your love, then I’ll just take you. If I can’t have you, then I’ll just be here, waiting, watching, hoping one day you’ll forgive me, because…” His grip on her chin shifted, and his nostrils flared. “Because I love you, Shel. I love you with all my heart, and I never want to spend another second of my life without you in it. I love you more than I ever thought possible, and if I have to choose between a world without you in it, and a world where you’re there but hate me, I’d choose the latter option, every damn time. I’d choose you. I choose you.”
She stared at him, his words echoing in her head, and grabbed his wrist. The world was spinning around her, and she needed something solid to hold on to. “You love me?”
“I do. I swear it. I love you, Shelby Jefferson.” He rested his forehead on hers, splaying his hand across her upper back as he pulled her closer. “I’m not asking for you to love me. I’m not even asking for you to forgive me, or even to give me another chance. All I’m asking is for you to let me try to earn that chance eventually. Please, let me try.”
She closed her eyes, breathing in his scent. She’d been so sure she would never smell that again. Never feel his skin against hers, and his breath on her cheek. She’d been pretty frigging sure, too, that she would never hear those words from him, either. Yet here he was, touching her, holding her, and saying things she’d longed to hear.
Was it enough? How could she trust him again? Should she open herself up to him like that again? What if he broke her heart so badly it never recovered? What if this time he destroyed her for good? But…what if he didn’t? God, he’d quit his dream job for her—something she had tried to do, too, and he hadn’t let her. He’d given up everything, packed up his whole life, and drove down here to beg her for a shot at proving himself, and she wanted to give it to him.