“Are you going to do this when the baby’s here, too?” She crossed her arms, hating herself for asking. “I thought you wanted to be here for me. For the kids.”
He eyed her. “Chris isn’t here, so he won’t miss me. And the baby isn’t here yet. It’s just you and me.”
She wrapped her arms around her stomach. “Where have you been every night since we fought?”
“I told you. The bar.” His head snapped up, and his eyes were on her. They looked so…unapproachable. Cold. “I didn’t realize I had to run every aspect of my schedule by you.”
She tensed. “It would be helpful to know, in case there’s an emergency.”
“If there’s an emergency?” He held up his phone. “You can call me. I always have it on me now. I’ll be here in no time. You know that.”
She bit back the words fighting to come out. The ones that were begging to be asked. Where are you going? What are you doing? Can I have a second chance to do this the right way? But she didn’t have a right to ask those questions. She wasn’t his girlfriend. She’d spent years pushing him away and this time she’d succeeded. Yay for her.
God, she was such a fool. “Right.”
Something of the
inner turmoil she was feeling must have been revealed in her voice, because he studied her. He pursed his lips, his head canted to the side. “What do you want from me, Kiersten? Seriously, what do you want?”
“I miss you,” she blurted out before she could stop herself. Even though she knew it wouldn’t help matters. Wouldn’t help him. “Will we ever be able to hang out again? To be together the way we used to be?” She steeled herself to ask the one question she was terrified having answered. Her voice came out strangled, as if the words didn’t want to be said. “Or maybe we could even try being together. Like you wanted.”
“Just stop. Stop trying to give everyone what they want. You always do that, but I won’t accept it.” He gave a harsh laugh, running his hand over his jaw. “You know what? I’m not doing this tonight. I told you I’m done having this conversation over and over again.”
She took a step closer, her heart quickening. “Do you miss me like I miss you?”
He grabbed his keys off of the island. “Of course I miss you. That’s part of the problem. It’s also why I need to go. We’ll be fine once the baby comes. But for us to get there? I need to get over you.”
Did that mean he wasn’t over her yet? That she stood a chance at making this right? She followed him without even realizing she was doing so. “I want you to stay with me. Be with me.”
He stopped walking, but didn’t turn around. His whole body hummed with impatience. He couldn’t wait to get away from her. Couldn’t wait to escape her. “I can’t. I have a game.”
She’d really, truly lost him.
He crossed the living room, but stopped with his hand on the knob. “Take it easy tonight. You look tired.”
She was tired because she couldn’t sleep anymore. Couldn’t stop missing him. Wanting him in her bed, holding her close.
Couldn’t stop thinking about him…and all that she’d lost.
She swallowed the aching lump in her throat. The door shut behind him before she could do more than open her mouth to reply.
…
A few hours later, Garrett downed his beer and slammed the empty mug down on the bar. “Another, please?”
Mike shot him a look out of the corner of his eye and shook his head. “We’ve been here every night. I thought you were staying in tonight?”
“I was.” Garrett shrugged. “Now I’m not.”
He couldn’t keep sitting there, watching her move through her life without him. After their last session of “meaningless” sex, he’d realized that he didn’t just care about her. He loved her. Loved her more than he would have ever thought possible. But she didn’t want him and he couldn’t be okay with that.
He wouldn’t ever abandon their child, but he had to be done. Had to give up on any illusions he’d had about them becoming a real family.
Mike nudged him with his elbow. “What did she do to you now?”
Garrett closed his eyes. “She didn’t do anything at all.”
“Yeah, okay. And I’m Mother Teresa.”