How it was affecting him, too.
“Yeah, Mom. I promise.” He hesitated, still wondering if this was the best course of action. Deep down, he knew the answer was a resounding yes. “Hey, is Dad around?”
He could practically see her pull the phone away and look at it, as if she doubted her hearing. The last time he’d “talked” with his father, it had ended in shouting and then dead silence. They hadn’t talked since. “Yes, he’s in his library going over ledgers.”
r /> In other words, he was sneaking a cigar behind his mother’s back. It was a running joke, since it was common knowledge that his mom was fully aware of the cigars…but she humored his father anyway. How she managed to pull that off was beyond Cooper. The woman had a stronger sense of smell than a police dog on the scent and everyone knew it.
“Can I talk to him, please?”
“Of course.” He heard her set something down, then open a door. She was probably walking from the living room, down the hallway, then down into his father’s office. “Everything okay?”
“Yeah, I just need to talk to him.” Cooper flopped back on the bed and flexed his arms over his head, stretching his muscles. “Need to straighten a few things out.”
“All right. I’m almost there.” His mom sighed. “But Cooper?”
He tensed. “Yeah?”
“Be gentle with him. It’s always been his dream for you to run Shillings Agency when he retires, so finding out you had other plans hit him hard.” She opened another door. That meant she was almost at the office. “I know he’s been tough on you lately, but he doesn’t mean to be. He’s just…had to readjust his plans.”
“I can see that, now. Being here...” He sat back up and bent over, resting his elbows on his thighs. “It’s opened my eyes some. That’s why it’s time for us to talk again.”
“Really?” She made an excited sound. “He’s proud of you, you know. He’s dying for you to take the reins—figuratively, of course—and that’s all he’s ever wanted.”
“I know.” He dragged a hand through his hair. “But Dad doesn’t need to be handled with kid gloves, you know. He can hold his own in an argument.”
“I know that all too well myself.”
His mom knocked on the office door. He could hear her talking to his father, but it was muffled. Paper rustled, and a window opened. He barely made out something about “Cooper…” and “no cigars…” with a dash of “we’ll talk later.”
After another moment, the phone made a weird noise, and then, “Hello?”
His heart thumped hard. “Hey, Dad.” What was it about his father’s voice that always made him feel like an errant teenager? But tonight he sounded older. Tired, even. “How’s it going?”
“It’s going. I was in here sneaking a smoke, but Mom caught me.” He snorted. “It’s the fifth time in as many weeks. She might skin me this time.”
He grinned. “Sorry. That one was my fault.”
His dad didn’t say anything to that. “So, what’s going on? I assume you’re calling me at almost ten o’clock at night for a reason, and not just to chat?” He cleared his throat. “That isn’t to say I don’t appreciate the call. I do. I hate that we left things where we did.”
Cooper stood up, his heart racing at what he was about to say. “There’s something I need to know. Why do you want me to work with you so bad? When I left the military, I thought you’d be disappointed in me. That you wouldn’t think I was fit for the company anymore. But then you kept suggesting it, and it started to feel the opposite.” Cooper swallowed hard. “It was almost as if you didn’t think I was qualified to get a job anywhere else anymore, so you kept insisting I just take the job with you.”
His father grunted. “It might have felt that way, but I’ve never been disappointed in you over that. As a matter of fact, I’ve never been more proud of you than when you were man enough to admit the military wasn’t for you. I just thought we would start fulfilling your duties at Shillings earlier than planned, but then you said no, and I didn’t know what to do after that. I still don’t know why you’re against the idea of working with me.”
Cooper widened his steps, pacing back and forth in the small hotel room. It was half the size of the one he’d stayed in with Kayla. He stopped walking, just the thought of her name making his chest hurt. “I wasn’t against the idea, per se. I just wanted to earn the position. Get some experience in the field before stepping into the agency simply because we have the same last name. I don’t like taking favors, Dad. If I take a job, it’s because I deserve it. That’s how it has to be.”
“I respect that about you,” his dad said. “I’ve been worried about you, son. Watching your best friend die…that changes a man.”
When the familiar ache pierced his chest, Cooper closed his eyes. The pain had never fully left him since Josh’s death. He didn’t think it ever would. But for the first time ever, the pain wasn’t paired with underlying guilt. Progress. “I’m fine. I’m not good yet, but I’m getting there.”
“No one is good when they come home. Going to war can change a man. It can make you feel lost without a purpose to life. I know it did that to me.” His father paused. “I was lost until I met your mother. Then I started working in private security. But until I had that… I didn’t want you to come home and fall into the same destructive behavior I did. I didn’t want to see you make the same mistakes as me, or get eaten alive by the survivor’s guilt.”
Cooper swallowed hard. “I’m not going to. Coming down here, it changed me. I’m not going to lie.”
“Well, good. But you were already a strong man, son.” His father’s voice warmed. “I’m very proud of you, and proud of all you’ve accomplished. No matter what else you might question about me, don’t ever doubt that again.”
Emotion hit him in the chest, hard and mercilessly. He hadn’t realized, until now, how badly he’d wanted to hear those words. To know, no matter what option he chose, that his father approved of him. “Thanks, Dad. I really…just, thanks.”
“You’re welcome,” his dad said, his voice gruff. “You keep safe over there, you hear? I’ll be watching the news at the agency, making sure I don’t see anything happening where you are, but still. Keep safe.”