thumb over the back of her hand. “Hey. Are you okay?”
“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?”
“Brian.” He looked at her again, and this time, it was as if he saw right through her. “Are you upset?”
She shook her head, not breaking contact. Brian was nothing. She didn’t care that he was gone, or that it was over. The only man who mattered to her was in her arms right now. “Of course. He was…he was just a distraction.”
“From?”
Biting down on her tongue, she lifted a shoulder. “I don’t know. Life?”
“I get that. Life can be a real bitch sometimes.”
“Yeah.” Lauren tightened her grip on his hand. “Are you okay?”
He cocked his head. “I already answered that.”
Sure he did. But the thing with Steven was that he thought he hid his struggle to rejoin society from her—from everyone. He checked his surroundings all the time and he couldn’t enter a crowded room without examining all corners for attack. And every time a loud bang surprised him, he instinctively reached for his gun…and then shortly after, a woman and a drink.
But she noticed. And she was worried for him.
“I think you lied.”
“I’m not a liar,” he said stiffly. He spun her in a circle again, catching her easily when she stumbled. His strong arms around her, holding her tight and safe, made her even more aware of the small amount of distance between them. “Even if everyone else in this damn world is.”
“Not me,” she said breathlessly. “I don’t lie to you.”
“And I don’t lie to you. It’s what makes us—us. But we’re not fucking. If we were, it would be different. One of us would lie, and ruin things, and it would be over.”
“That’s an awfully bleak outlook on life…and us.”
He lifted a shoulder. “It’s true, though. Everyone lies in relationships, which is why I avoid them. When you’re with someone, you have to pretend you’re happy, or in love, even when you’re not. Even if the only thing you’re thinking about is how to get away from your girlfriend or boyfriend, because there’s got to be more to life than this, you just keep smiling. Acting like you’re happy. You know it as well as I do. When was the last time you felt like you really belonged in someone’s arms?”
Right here. Right now. With you. “With a guy I was dating? Probably never.”
“But you’ve felt that way before?” he asked, his voice low.
She bit her tongue, not sure how to answer. If she said yes, he’d ask who she felt that way about. And if he asked, she’d have to tell him the truth. But if she admitted out loud that he made her happy, and she felt complete in his arms…
There would be no taking that back.
And she had a feeling she wouldn’t like his reaction.
“Does it matter? We’re not talking about that. We were talking about sex and lies—two things which I don’t associate with you,” she said, hoping that would be enough to satisfy his curiosity. “Like, ever.”
He laughed, and he stepped a little closer. Despite his laughter, he looked anything but amused. He looked…determined. His tallness and hard muscles crowded her, making her feel miniscule in comparison, and the way he watched her—all domineering, and full of sexual power and an unspoken challenge—made her stumble over her own two feet.
He, of course, caught her.
Just like he always did.
The heat of his touch burned her, and her stomach clenched tight. It filled her with an unanswered need that would never be satisfied by anyone but him.
Leaning down, he spoke low. His breath fanned over her cheeks, and she stiffened. “Come on, Lauren. Let’s be honest. You’ve never, even once, thought about it? About what it would be like between us if we got stupid, naked, and sweaty? How good it might feel if I fucked you, hard and rough, against a wall, just for fun?”
Oh, crap. Now that would be all she could think about, thank you very much. “I…uh…well…”
Luckily, she was saved from answering. The song ended, and as soon as it did, Holt and Lydia came up, laughing and holding hands. “Can we switch partners?” Holt asked, nudging Lydia slightly. “She’s sick of me already.”