There were a lot of other descriptions that suited the situation as well. Excitement, happiness, disbelief, uncertainty, and hope. But, yeah. Terrifying was the one emotion that stood out to her the most.
All these years, she kind of explained her inability to hold down a real relationship as Steven’s fault. She’d refused to even entertain the idea of being with a guy long-term. No other man lived up to him, and he didn’t want her, so it was okay that she didn’t fall in love, or even want to.
The one man she could maybe love didn’t love her back.
But if he was ready and willing to give them a try…and it failed? There was something wrong with her. If she couldn’t love Steven, then she couldn’t love anyone.
Lydia poked her in the ribs. “Helllllo. Where are you right now?”
“Uh…” Lauren sat up straight and picked up her beer. “I’m here. I swear.”
Lydia fluffed her hair and pressed the tips of her fingers to her mouth, looking a little thinner and a little bit green. She’d been sipping ginger ale while waiting for the men to arrive for dinner, instead of wine or her usual appletini, and Lauren was pretty sure why. The other woman looked way too happy to have contracted a stomach bug. “The other problem is, and I’m going to take a wild guess here…Steven.”
Lauren laughed uneasily. “Why would you think that?”
“He’s living with you, right?” At her nod, Lydia sighed. “What did the numbskull do now? Is he bringing too many girls back to your place already?”
Lauren’s cheeks flushed. “I don’t think you really want to go there with me. You’re his sister.”
“No, really?” Lydia smirked. “Is that why he was always hanging around my house without a shirt on all those years?”
“Lydia.”
The strawberry blonde shrugged. The fact that her hair was the same exact shade as Steven’s never failed to escape Lauren’s notice. “Spill it. What did my idiot brother do now?”
“Nothing. He did nothing at all.” Lauren shredded the napkin in front of her on the wood table. “I’m not mad at him.”
“I never said you were,” Lydia corrected. “But he’s staying with you, and you’re being all quiet and pensive, so obviously something’s going on. It’s only safe to assume he’s involved somehow.”
Lauren remained silent.
After a while, Lydia sighed. “How’d you do it, by the way?”
“How’d I do what?”
“Get him to stay with you?” Lydia asked, pressing a finger against her red lips. “Did you make something up?”
Lauren shifted uncomfortably. “I had an ex come into my house and grab some stuff when I got out of the shower last night, and it freaked me out…so I asked him to stay. I exaggerated my level of fear a bit, so he agreed.”
“Good thinking on your feet. And I really appreciate you doing this for us.” Lydia twirled a piece of her hair on her finger. “And he won’t find out about your…exaggeration. You’re probably worried about that. I mean, with how much he values honesty, if he found out you lied—”
“He’d hate me.” Lauren dropped the rest of her napkin. “Yeah, I know.”
“I don’t think he could ever hate you,” Lydia said slowly. “He loves you too much for that.”
“He doesn’t love me,” Lauren said quickly.
“Not like that. I didn’t mean that,” Lydia assured her. “You two are like bros, and that’s how he loves you. He’s told me that, like, a million times. I used to tease him about when the wedding would be, and he would get so mad.”
Lauren forced a laugh. “Yeah. I get the same way.”
“It’s so cool that you two have managed to keep it platonic after all these years. Most people can’t do that, and when they don’t, it doesn’t end well.” Lydia scrunched her nose up. “I’ve seen it way too many times.”
Lauren averted her eyes. “Yeah. Me too.”
“But—” Lydia frowned and cut herself off. “Wait a second. Did something happen between you two? If so, I take it back. Forget I said any—”
“N-No. Of course not.”