Chicks, Man

“I’m not—”

“You can’t even admit it now. Even after I’ve admitted how I feel. Jesus. Maybe you do need to grow up, Hannah. Maybe then you’ll be able to admit what’s happening between us—”

“What do you want me to admit! That I’ve fantasized about you since I was seven years old? That I’ve always wondered what you smelled like, felt like…God, moaned like? I tricked you because I saw an opportunity to scratch an itch that would’ve never been fully satisfied had you known who I really was. I was no one to you. But without actually seeing me? You felt me. And yeah, you’re right, I’m hiding from what this is. Because unlike you, it’s going to hurt a lot more for me when it doesn’t work out. People like you, they don’t end up with people like me.”

“Says who?” he growls.

“Says reality. Says Rebecca.”

He hooks his hand around my neck and smashes his lips to mine. He doesn’t allow me to fight him, his strength and determination too overpowering. His tongue breaks the barrier of my lips as he kisses me with fervor, the faint taste of champagne on his tongue. I feel angry, dizzy, needy, confused. My hands fight him, pulling at his hair, urging him closer, pushing him away. I don’t know what I want. I’m scared.

“Stop fucking denying this.”

“It’s what I’m doing to protect myself.”

“From what, Hannah? The possibility that this may be something really amazing? Hell, I didn’t plan this either. You think having to one day explain to my best friend the things I’ve done with his sister? Your father? I’m taking a risk too. But at least I’m willing to. At least I’m fighting for it. You’re just hiding.”

“I’m not hiding.”

“Then what are you doing? Tell me, ’cause I need to know what your next move is here.”

I struggle with the honesty lingering on the tip of my tongue, but it’s the only answer I can give. “I’m scared.”

He wraps his arms around me, pulling me into his chest. “I am too. But I want this. You do too. I’m not asking for forever. I’m asking for right now. Let’s see right now where this leads. Maybe you realize the infamous Levi Dent is nowhere near the attractive stud you pictured him to be and end this. Maybe I realize what I already know. That you’re too good for me, and I cut you loose. But for now, let’s try.”

I wonder if he notices the saturation of my tears soaking his chest. His words. His affirmations. How do I tell him I’ve loved him since I was seven years old, and if this ends—which it will—it won’t be because I have a change of heart?

“What about Kipley? My dad?”

“For now, we keep this between us. Not that I’m hiding us, because hell, if I could show everyone you’re mine, I would. But to keep me alive, we should maybe keep what’s going on a secret.” As scandalous as it sounds, I do agree. We would be done before we even started if either of them got wind. I nod.

“So, you agree? You’re willing to test the waters? See where this goes?”

I am. I want to take a risk. Live. I want to jump headfirst into this crazy idea that Levi Dent and I could actually have a happily ever after. “I do. I do. I—”

His lips crash down on mine, kissing me with such fierceness, my legs buckle. Before I lose my composure, he swoops me up, cradling me in his arms. “Fuck, I’ve been going mad all week wanting to do this.” More kissing, biting, growling. “I wanted to give in, take you into my office, and spank the stubbornness out of you on Tuesday wearing that cute little pink shirt. I almost dragged you in my office on Wednesday with that pale thingy—”

“My dress suit?”

“Fuck, you looked hot.” His tongue dives into my mouth, massaging mine. “I was so frustrated with you, I almost beat off in my office watching you bite at your nails through the window. Fuck, you drove me nuts.”

“What about all your dinner dates? None of them scratched your itch?” My stomach tightens, fearing his response.

“Fake. Had the receptionist at my gym call you all week in exchange for Chase’s number.”

I want to punch him for tormenting me. All week long, Googling all the numbers I saved, trying to search out who these girls were. Instead, I kiss him harder.

The door bursts open, and we peel our lips from one another, startled. A janitor sticks his head in. “Oh, come on, this isn’t high school prom. I ain’t cleanin’ up after ya’ll.”

We both try to mask our laughter. Levi grabs my hand and tugs me toward the door. “Come on. Let’s go.”

“Where?”

“I got a room. I need you in it and naked right now.”