In all the years I’d been part of the Black Division, I ended the life of five innocent people on accident. They were called casualties of war. I called it murder. That burden would be on me forever. The faces of the innocent haunted me when I closed my eyes. The motto of the agency—their deaths had been a sacrifice to the greater good. Bullshit. Everyone deserved a chance at life.
Those innocents had been someone’s child and the regret of what I’d done hit me harder than before.
I am so sorry. So very sorry for the sins of my past. I will spend every day for the rest of my life trying to make up for it.
Whoever I mentally spoke to, I hoped they heard my promise.
Thinking back to the night I’d met Jasmine, I’d been at a bar drowning my sins away with alcohol. I’d killed my fifth innocent person and was on leave. Who would have thought that night would change my life forever?
For the next three weeks, I was off until my next assignment for who-the-hell-knows how long to some forsaken shithole. All I planned to do was drink, fuck, and sleep. Simple.
The bartender approached and I slid my glass to him. “Another one.”
Bourbon, of any kind, was my drink of choice. As long as it was amber and got me fucked up—I didn’t care. Numb was numb and that’s all that mattered.
New York was a good place to take a three-week hiatus. The city ne
ver slept and there was pussy galore. The stool next to me moved and I glanced that way. I always wanted to know everything that was going on around me. It was part of who I was now. Outside of the Black Division, I was a ghost.
A beautiful blonde that I could fuck into next week, if given the chance, sat alternating glances between her watch and the door to the bar.
She looked my way. “Excuse me. Is this the original Finnegan’s everyone talks about? I’m meeting my girlfriend here and she’s late.”
For all that was holy, she had the voice of a goddess that would sound amazing screaming my name while I fucked her into oblivion.
The bartender sat my glass down and took an order from the girl. She liked girlie cocktails as she ordered a Cosmo. I brought my glass up in salute to the girl with the mile-long legs beside me. “The one and only original Finnegan’s.”
Fuck, I had no clue, but it sounded good if that meant she would stay.
“Oh, good.” The gorgeous girl let her shoulders relax. “I’m from Alaska, so this big city is a bit intimating.”
I took a small sip of the liquid heaven. “What brought you to New York?”
“I’ve always wanted to see the world. I’ve been saving up to come here for years. My friend from New Jersey is meeting me here to catch up while I’m in town.”
Here was to hoping little Miss Alaska was at the wrong bar.
That first night we’d met there was no sex. Instead, I’d gotten her number and taken her on a proper date the following night. Shocked the hell out of me. I had to work five long days to get between her legs. The wait was worth it. The moment I sunk inside her for the first time, I was gone. Changed forever.
My life was perfect.
Sitting at the kitchen table, I sipped on my coffee while Jasmine finished eating the breakfast I’d cooked for her. I didn’t care for breakfast. Maybe it was from all those years of waking up starving with my mom, only to be denied. I took another sip, letting the warmth of the liquid keep me from going to that dark, cold place called my childhood.
I loved seeing Jasmine’s healthy appetite as she nourished our unborn child. Testing the waters, I threw a thought out there. “I thought we could look for a house today.”
Watching her closely, she paused mid bite. “You want to buy a house together?”
It wasn’t a no, and sounded hopeful. This was good. This was very good.
Not wanting to give her surprise away, I shrugged. “Yes. I figured it would be nice to have a place of our own, maybe get a dog.”
Yeah, I was going for the whole fucking caboodle in this new life. I’d always wanted a dog. Jasmine’s apartment was nice and felt homey, but I wanted us to have a home that stood by itself in its own yard. All my life I’d lived in apartments, hotels, or in some desolate place.
Thoughtfully, Jasmine rubbed her stomach. “You’re not doing this because of the baby, are you?”
Scooting her chair out, I placed my hand on top of hers, touching her stomach while kneeling. She needed to hear and see my earnestness. “I promise. Baby or no baby, I wanted to get a house together. You’ll see.”
Quirking an eyebrow, I knew I slipped. Jasmine knew something was up, but I stood and gave her a quick kiss before taking my seat. To hide the slight curvature of my lips, I took another sip of coffee.