Bane shook his head. “It’s not about what I’ve done. The innocent people I’ve accidentally killed. The chaos I’ve caused. The deaths I’m responsible for.”
We’d spent hours talking about Bane’s past. “No, none of that scares me. You survived, but you never strayed from the line.”
He took a deep breath. “Maren, there is only the line. It doesn’t matter how far you cross it. The line is the line.”
I thought for a minute on how to respond. “I get what you’re saying, Bane, but if you really believe you crossed the line … I believe the reasons matter. You’ve saved so many lives. The world is a better place because of you.” We kept walking in silence as we approached the edge of the grove. A blanket laid out on the grass. “What’s this?”
“I thought we could sit out here and talk like we have been.”
Laying on the blanket, I looked up at the sky. Bane followed my actions. Peace. I felt peace. The clouds were plentiful as they danced through the sky like white cotton balls. Moments like this made it easier to get through the more stressful situations.
Reliving a memory, I said, “During the summer, my dad would lay a blanket out in the back yard with Frankie and me. We’d stare up at the sky and make shapes out of the clouds that passed by. Dad always said you could tell a lot about yourself with what you saw.”
Bane stayed quiet as he looked up at the sky and grabbed my hand. That excited nervous butterfly like feeling came over me. In the last few days, the small touches seemed more intimate than all the sex prior to Eric capturing us. Something changed between us. If things became more intense than they had been and Bane decided to walk away, I would be shattered.
Bane brought me out of my inner thoughts as he asked, “What do you see today?”
Gazing up at the clouds, I waited for one of them to take shape for me. “I see a giant bowl of ice cream loaded down with chocolate syrup and sprinkles.” I laughed. “I guess food is starting to always be on my mind.”
His thumb caressed mine. More clouds lazily passed by. “I see a dad reading a story to a child.”
I rolled over on my side. “Bane, you deserve to be happy.”
His dark, penetrating eyes looked at me without saying a word. So much emotion passed over his face as his thumb caressed my cheek. “I’m afraid that it’s all going to be taken away from me again. I’m falling for you, Maren. Over these past few weeks you’ve seen the real me. No one has ever seen the real me.”
Something inside of me needed to feel Bane as I moved closer, our lips a breath apart. “I’ve fallen for you too, Bane. But we have to be sure we’re together for the right reasons—not because of our great chemistry or the fact that we have a baby on the way. We’ll only end up hurting the baby if we’re together for convenience or out of obligation. It’s easy to be lost in our feelings while we’re isolated from the world. Now, that you’ve opened yourself up to the possibility of being happy, you may not know what you want yet.”
It was hard saying the words and I wanted to retract them. The truth was I didn’t want to share Bane with anyone, but for this to work he had to be free to choose and not feel pressured. Bane’s lips came out and touched mine. “I’ll prove it to you.”
His tongue touched my lips. I missed his taste as need raced through me. Deepening the kiss, our tongues danced with each other. Bane moaned a deep reverberation that reached my core. Snaking his hand up my shirt, I wanted him inside me. I pulled him closer to me and Bane positioned himself in between my legs. It didn’t matter that we were in the middle of an orange grove, I didn’t care. All I wanted was him, inside me.
Tender lips caressed my neck as I arched into him gasping for air from the intense kiss. Bane’s hardened length ground against me through his jeans. Desperate, I clawed at his shirt to bring him closer. Then, everything slowed. I tried to speed him up, but he pulled back. “Angel, I want you.”
“I want you too.”
He put a little more distance between us, enough to help clear the fog. “I won’t let this be about sex. When we have sex again it will be because you know I want you for you—not because I can’t control my dick. There will be no doubt in your mind that I’m in this for the long haul.”
My breathing was erratic. I was turned on, but his words blossomed inside of me. He was right. If we had sex, I’d always wonder. Bane knew me well. I closed my eyes. “This is going to be hard.”
Tracing his nose along my jaw, every fiber in my being screamed for us to lose control and deal with the consequences later. “It’ll be worth it.”
Oh geez. This was not helping matters. I hoped my mind caught up quickly and believed what Bane was saying.
MAREN WAS SEVEN weeks pregnant and we were about to head to the doctor’s office in town. How the hell I’d managed to not sink inside of her for the last week or so was beyond me. I wanted in her tight heat, but needed to wait. I had to make sure she knew this was not about sex.
Fuck. I hoped the opportunity presented itself sooner rather than later.
My dick was in a constant state of feeling like a sledge hammer. And trust me, my angel made it hard to resist. I knew she was tempting me. Hell, she wanted it. Last night I’d read that a woman’s sex drive increased during pregnancy. Maren needed some kind of relief before she sent me over the edge and we did something we weren’t ready for.
Fuck, I was screwed. My hand was not cutting the job in the shower. I felt like a pansy-ass sneaking off, spilling my cum down the drain like a teenager who couldn’t control his cravings. As the days ticked by, Maren became more provocative. There was only so much strength a man had.
I was losing this battle.
Maren was in the bedroom getting ready. It was safest for me to be out here with my hot cup of coffee looking out the window, pretending she was not in our room naked. Thank goodness the pregnancy knocked her out fast asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow. In the morning, I slipped out of bed before she could try to seduce me into changing my mind. It wouldn’t take muc
h. I had a plan and I wanted to follow through.
All I needed was the opportunity.