Dissipate

On shaky legs, I climbed the attic steps and put the letter in the backpack. Taking one last look at my blanket and wedding gown, I placed them in the chest before I locked it. Leaving the quilt my mom had made, killed me. We weren’t allowed much, but I wanted everything I could keep from my mom. Another fissure formed as I closed the attic, leaving those few precious mementos behind.

Before heading to my room to leave the note, I left the key in the right drawer of her dresser. The familiar creaks of the house settling for the night caused me to pause as I took a brief second to squelch the rising fear. Walking back across the hall to my room, I grabbed a piece of paper from the desk and scribbled out a note like my mom had told me to.

Leaving the note on the desk, I took the backpack and headed downstairs. My white apron seemed like a beacon as the moonlight shined in a window. I removed it and stuffed it in my bag, remembering my mom’s words to take my clothes with me. There was a place in our living room where I could stand and see the street, but they couldn’t see me.

As I stood there, a man in black pants and a white shirt strolled down the sidewalk. It was one of the Watchers checking the candles. He stopped in front of my house and stared. It was John. My heart galloped as he watched my window and my stomach roiled at the thought of becoming his wife. The moment I became unified with him, I would have felt dead inside.

Matthew walked up behind him and my heart stopped. Matthew. He would think I died and I would never know what he wanted to tell me. The harsh reality was a jagged pill to swallow. If only there was a way to tell him and not jeopardize his safety. My mom’s warning about Rebecca Donavan reminded me that I couldn’t risk his life like this.

There was a deep scowl on his face as he talked to John. It was a force of sheer will to keep me planted where I was. I wanted nothing more than to run to Matthew—to tell him I was leaving and ask him to come with me. Leaving my best friend behind was going to be hard. But, I would lose Matthew regardless if I stayed. Being forced to marry John would mean Matthew would marry someone else. My heart wouldn’t be able to handle that pain.

After some time, John moved on. Matthew stood and looked at my window. Taking the opportunity, I stared and tried to memorize everything about him. His broad defined shoulders showed he spent days in the fields. The way his eyes lingered on my window thoughtfully, emanated his gentle nature. Finally, he turned the opposite way and strode off. The only sound was the quick breaths leaving my body.

I’d never see him again.

The streets were now abandoned. Wanting to make sure that everyone was asleep when I snuck off in the dead of night, I continued to watch everything carefully. A few hours passed and I hadn’t seen a soul. The candles in the house across the street had gone out about an hour ago.

“It’s time,” I said in a low whisper.

I looked around the house one last time, taking in everything about it—the blue couch that mom and I curled up on as we laughed and the white kitchen table where I had additional lessons. I was leaving the only home I’d known. The place that had filled my memories since I could remember. It wasn’t much, but as my mom had said, it had been ours. There had been wonderful years together here and we had been happy in our own way. I had known love.

Holding the backpack in front of me, I made my way to the back door. I touched the door handle, but then decided to turn one last time to look at my home.

Just above a whisper I spoke, “Thank you, Mom, for loving me. Regardless, I know you loved me. I’ll always love you. I’m scared beyond belief, but I know I’ll be okay.”

Taking another deep breath, I opened the door and took my first step into the unknown.

This was my way to freedom.

This was my journey.

This was my story—fresh pages to be written by me.

GLANCING UP AT the stars, I confirmed I was still walking northwest. My legs were tired and I was emotionally exhausted. There were so many unanswered questions and I wondered why I hadn’t questioned what seemed so obvious about The Society.

Teachings from The Light told us that a world outside The Society did exist, but it was dark with sin. The Keeper, John, and a few other chosen Watchers were the ones who dealt with the outside world after they underwent special training, so as to not succumb to the wicked ways. There were now obvious gaps in the whole setup, but we had followed like sheep.

My insides finally stopped shaking from the adrenaline that surged within me.

Crack.

Finding a nearby tree, I stood there quietly listening to see if anyone was nearby. Distant rustling began to fade. An exhale left my body for a breath I hadn’t realized I was holding.

“Keep it together, Kenzie. You can do this. Keep going.”

Talking to myself seemed to lessen the loneliness I felt. The wind blew in a slight breeze giving relief to the humid heat. The air smelled of earth from the rai

n and crickets sang a night melody. I was thankful that a full moon was out tonight to guide my way. The stars shown bright as I kept walking. A few limbs had scraped my face, but otherwise the trip had been easy so far.

Lights became prevalent through the tree line. What sounded like multiple vehicles drove on a nearby road. The only car I had ever seen was the Keeper’s. A vision had told the Keeper a long time ago it was okay to have a vehicle in order to communicate with the Dark World in order to keep our treaty pacts intact. No one from the outside world was allowed to cross over our borders without permission.

Even though we were a separate Society from the outside world, there were still things we had to do in order to keep the peace. All the lies I had been fed my entire life had me wanting to scream and hit something—hard.

Why had my mom not told me? She had trusted me with so many secrets as she broke the rules. If I had known, I could have gotten her out of there before she got too sick. Unwanted anger bubbled to the surface. Instead of letting my mind take a negative turn, I focused on the lights that were ahead. Bottom line, I was in a predicament and was going to have to stay mentally sharp to survive this path I had chosen.

As I neared the tree line, I stopped to change out of my clothes. I put on the pants and shirt that were made of a different fabric than what we had at The Society. The pants were blue and made of a rougher material. As I pulled it along my legs, it scratched my skin. The shirt didn’t have full sleeves and was a softer material caressing my skin like flower petals. I was doing it. I was making my way. The note had called them jeans and a T-shirt. I noticed there was a second shirt in the backpack also. A slight smile graced my lips as I looked at the change I’d already undergone.

Money was in a clear bag which I made sure was secure in the front zipper pocket along with the birth certificate and the letter from my mom. Not wanting anyone to see my old dress, I stuffed it in the bottom of the bag before cinching it up tight.