Dissipate

She gave me a sweet smile. “You’re welcome. Stay safe. If you go to the shelter, get there before seven.”

“I will.” A car parked and the women waved vigorously to the woman they had probably referenced on the bus as the friend they were meeting.

Thankful that the heat of the day wasn’t beating down on me, I walked. The city was overwhelming. Cars whizzed by. Stores lined the road. Lights flashed at crossroads. Worry evaded me as I tried to take everything in, watch everyone’s habits, and blend in.

The internet was going to be a helpful asset, but it would only take me so far. It was hard to not be furious with my mom for sheltering and then leaving me unprepared like she did. If not for those private lessons to continue my education, I’m not sure where I would be in all this. Not wanting to think ill of her, I focused on my surroundings.

There was what looked like a big trash can in one of the alley’s that had garbage spilling out of it. Cautiously, I approached. No one was watching. Taking out my old clothes, I stuffed them down the side of the large blue metal bin that had the words DUMPSTER printed on the side in yellow letters. Fastening my bag again, I continued on my way.

The Keeper would be finding out about now that I wasn’t home. Hopefully, he believed I had wandered off to kill myself. No traces of what I had done had been left.

I had officially disappeared.

WALKING UP TO the library, the white bricked building was large. Students were sliding cards into a slot before opening the door. The cards were like a key into the building. As I approached, a guy scanned his badge and glanced my way.

For a moment longer than seemed comfortable, he continued staring. Did he know I didn’t belong? I knew I screamed I was an outsider. My heart beat wildly. Play it cool. Maybe I’m over reacting.

Hopefully, my confident and cheerful greeting dissuaded his line of thinking. “Good morning.”

A smile spread across his face. Upon closer inspection, he was handsome with his tousled black hair and dark eyes. “Good morning. I haven’t seen you around here before. Freshman?”

What is a freshman? Whatever it was, I was now going to be one. “Yes, I am.”

Please. Please. Please let a freshman be a good thing.

Apparently it was as he held the door open for me to enter the library. A slow breath of relief left my lungs. Then, a wonder filled me as I stared at all the books. It was massive, beyond anything I could have imagined. My mom had described it to me, but the learning was endless. Books had a unique smell and it encased me. I had to force myself not to stop and gawk.

To this guy, I wanted him to think I’d been in a library before. Nervously, my fingers worried the strap on my backpack as I tried to keep my cover intact.

Shifting on his feet, he responded, “Good. Hopefully, I’ll see you around. I’m Trent. What’s your name?”

“I’m Kenzie. Hopefully, we will.” I was talking to a boy. A man, I mean. It was hard standing here, acting like I did this all the time when I wanted to divert my eyes and walk away. People here were warmer, friendlier. Hopefully in time, the awkwardness would fade.

Someone called his name in a hushed whisper. Giving me a wink, he turned and moseyed in the opposite direction. I fit in! I fit in! The guy hadn’t thought I was weird or didn’t belong. I can do this. I can do this.

Now, I needed to find a computer. As I searched the library, I saw models that were similar to the one at the gas station. Desks lined a wall intermittently toward the back with a sign that read Computer Stations. Perfect. Not wanting to be obvious, I perused the books and pretended to be reading them as I observed the students using the machines. Students gripped something with their right hand and moved it about. I studied their actions.

Someone vacated their computer and I sat before the screen changed. The student had forgotten to lock it. Students had to enter some keys when they first began before the screens would open up. I had finally lucked out.

Here goes nothing.

I typed CURRENT EVENTS into the square in to the type right corner. I hit the search button and a long list of responses came back and I navigated my way. With every move of the mouse, my nerves lessened slightly. I had this. I was going to be okay. Stress continued to ebb from me as I became more comfortable with what I was doing.

Students around me didn’t stare at me like I didn’t belong. I was fitting in. Self-consciously, I glanced from time to time to see if I had done anything that was considered unacceptable.

This tool would give me answers to anything I had a question on and would help keep my secret of where I had come from. Did the outside world know about The Society? That was one of the many questions I had. With all this technology, how could The Society go unnoticed?

HOURS LATER, AFTER reading until my eyes couldn’t take anymore, I left for the Admissions office which was across the campus. I still felt like I was way behind where I should be, but the massive info dump I had read helped immensely.

It had taken me awhile to wrap my head around the college admissions process, but the guide on the website explained everything thoroughly. College started in two weeks and they were taking last-minute applications. The internet confirmed, like my mom had said, that I would need to take a placement test to attend college. As luck would have it, they were conducting tests here on the campus tomorrow for a fee of forty-five dollars. In a corner of the library, I had counted the money and had exactly four-hundred and fifty-six dollars left.

If I could score high enough, I would have a chance at a potential scholarship. The other option was student loans. The campus had food, shelter and all the necessities to survive. For now, college seemed like a safe place to immerse myself until I could figure more things out.

With the sun high in the sky, the temperature had raised significantly. Most girls wore pants that were cut off above the knee which showed more skin than was acceptable back home. It was hard not to stare, but it did seem more reasonable and cooler than the pants I wore.

I looked again at the campus map that I’d learned to print earlier. Printing was a wonderful thing. Whatever you had on your screen would go to a little machine and make an exact replica on the piece of paper.

The red bricked building had the name Admissions Office labeled in big silver letters. Taking a deep breath, I opened the door and walked toward the front desk.