Dissipate

Shrimp? Quickly, I scanned the dishes to see what I didn’t recognize. There was one dish that had little pieces of meat that made a swirl. Everything else was rice, noodles, chicken or beef. There were some rolls, but I imagined that you would pick those up with your hands. Nerves caused my hands to shake as I moved toward the dish I thought could be shrimp. Picking up a small piece, I pinched it with all my might. The slippery shrimp zinged from my chopsticks and landed on Aiden’s shirt.

“Oh my! I’m so sorry! I’m terrible at this!” Quickly grabbing a napkin from the pile, I handed it to Aiden. Humiliation spread over my face as it heated.

He took the napkin and grabbed the little shrimp. “I consider it to be payback. You’ve now mauled me with a shrimp. It’s only fair.”

I couldn’t help the laughter that bubbled to the surface at his kidding tone. Aiden joined in. “Now, that is truly a beautiful sound.”

We stopped and stared at each other. I wasn’t sure what to say. Focusing back on the chopsticks, I positioned them how I had before.

“Here, let me help you this time.” Aiden scooted closer to me and reached for my hand, but stopped halfway there.

Giving him permission, I moved my hands closer. His large fingers engulfed mine. Where our skin made contact, tingles stronger than I had felt with Matthew, erupted over my skin. Our eyes locked with each other as neither one of us said anything. I felt a thumb make a tender stroke along mine and my insides shuddered. We were both searching each other’s faces. A grin spread across Aiden’s face.

From upstairs, Brooklyn’s voice broke me from the trance I was under. “Oh guys, guess who has a date this Friday night?”

I pulled my hand out of his. What had happened? I let him touch me more than I had ever let Matthew. He was a stranger. A knot in my stomach formed from all the confusion and I looked down.

Grabbing a fork from the table, I mumbled. “I should probably stick to silverware. Thank you, though.”

Glancing at his face for a moment, Aiden’s brow crinkled. He was about to speak as Brooklyn came bouncing in the kitchen, all smiles. “Did you guys hear me? Mike finally asked me out! I have a date!”

I pushed my feelings and thoughts aside which was my status quo as of late. At some point, I was going to have to face some things.

Cheerfully, I responded to Brooklyn who didn’t seem to have a clue as to anything being awkward, “That’s exciting. Tell me about it.”

Maybe then, I’d figure out what having a date meant.

IT WAS LATE at night. The clock read two a.m. as I crept down the stairs with the DVD’s and letters in hand. I grabbed a small metal bucket from under the sink and a lighter I’d seen in one of the drawers. Stepping outside, to the side of the apartments, I lit the two letters, then dropped them into the metal bucket.

Mom had instructed me to burn the first letter and I assumed she’d want me to do the same with the second, eliminating any ties to The Society. I hated letting go of something she’d written, but I committed all the words to memory.

The paper caught quickly, burning and turning to ash. As the flame ate through the letters it felt as if I was snuffing out my past—the only ties to my previous life. I was so numb with everything going on I wasn’t sure how I felt. Nervously, I looked around to make sure no one was watching as the final flame diminished. Discarding the ash in the nearby dumpster, I tiptoed inside to wash the metal bucket. My past was in the past.

Creak.

I froze as my heart beat a million miles a minute waiting to see if I was caught. There weren’t harsh punishment for sneaking around here like in The Society. After three infractions of the same rule, a Charge was sent into solitude for three weeks. The only thing supplied was minimal water and bread to survive. We had an enforcer, Abraham, whom I think took joy in seeing people punished. I was relieved I’d never have to see him again.

As the silence lingered on, I leaned against the counter, taking a settling breath. Brooklyn wasn’t awake.

It was time to see what was on the DVD.

Aiden had given us a quick rundown of how to work the machine and I memorized every step, but apprehension still had me second-guessing each button I pressed. What if I mess this up? The last thing I wanted to do was break something of Brooklyn’s.

Turning everything on and putting the disc labeled number one in, I perched on the edge of the couch. The only sound in the room was my heavy breathing and the sound of the clock ticking on the wall as I pressed Play. As of late, I never knew what was going to happen next and it was wreaking havoc on me.

The screen flickered and my mom came on the screen. She held me on a couch. A man’s voice came on. “This is our precious little girl, Kenzie Samantha Brooks.”

Zooming in, I slept peacefully in my mom’s arms.

The voice continued. “We just brought our precious miracle home. Kenzie, I can’t wait to show you the world.”

I cried in her arms and my mom spoke gently, “I think our little angel is hungry. Can you help me, David?”

That tone was something I longed for this last week. That is how she talked to me when I was upset about something. Regardless of what she had done, I loved her and missed her. The hole in my heart seemed to reopen.

“Of course, sweetheart. Let me get this turned off.”

The screen became black, then came back to life a few seconds later. It appeared we were outside. A blanket was spread on the ground. My dad held me this time. Holding me under my arms, he flew me around like an airplane. “My little angel is going to grow up tough and strong. Look at how big she’s getting. She’s so smart.”