Dissipate

A frustrated sigh left Aiden’s lips. “I don’t know why she won’t leave me alone.”

“Were you both virgins when you slept with each other?” I couldn’t believe I had been so forthright. Part of me thought I should retract it, but now that the question was out there, I wanted to know.

Aiden glanced my way. “I don’t want this causing problems for us. I won’t let it. It’s in the past, Kenzie.” He sighed. “Do you really want to know?”

The vagueness of his response had me more curious. “Yes, I’m not going to get upset for something you did when I didn’t know you.”

Grabbing one of my hands, Aiden interlaced our fingers. I could feel his thumb stroke the band of my ring. “No, neither one of us were virgins when we slept together.”

I bit my lip and decided to keep asking questions. “How many people have you slept with?”

Nervously, Aiden let go of my hand and ran his fingers through is hair. I retracted. “You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to. I’m not trying to be pushy.”

“No, I’ll tell you anything you want. It’s just . . . hell . . . Kenzie, you’re different from anyone I’ve slept with.” He glanced my way and his eyes were filled with love. “We’re more. So much more.”

My heart raced at how many people it was going to be, but I worked on staying calm.

Cautiously, he continued, while his blue eyes watched me closely, “I’ve slept with three people. One before Stacy in high school, Stacy, then a girl I met at a party. I was drunk and it was right after the breakup.”

Internally, I breathed a sigh of relief. Three didn’t seem like that high of a number considering how I’d heard people talk about one-night stands at the couple of parties I’d been to. There was one last question that came to the surface at the mention of Stacy’s name. “Did you tell Stacy you loved her?”

Childishly, I was glad Stacy hadn’t been a virgin. I didn’t want Aiden to have a piece of her like he did me. The unknown high school girl didn’t bother me. She didn’t have a face or a name and she wasn’t trying to take Aiden away. Jealously was a foreign emotion to me and I wasn’t sure how to fully process it.

Aiden didn’t speak. Patiently, I waited to see if he would. Earlier, I’d given him an out. Maybe he was taking it. The car turned into a parking lot and I wondered what we were doing as the gear shifter moved to Park.

A serious expression replaced Aiden’s otherwise easygoing one. “Kenzie, I wanted you to see my face when I answered this question.” He waited a few seconds before responding, grabbing both of my hands and making a soothing motion with his thumb. “Stacy was the only one out of the three that I did say I love you to. I cared for her deeply. We had a history together. But the way I feel about you . . . doesn’t compare.”

“I know some people will think, given my lack of relationships, that I can’t know what love is. But, I do. I feel that strong connection between us.”

Closing his eyes, Aiden let out a sigh of relief and ran his hands through his dark hair. “Sometimes, I’m afraid I’m going to fuck us up. Just promise to talk to me if something happens that makes you want to pull away.”

“I promise.”

Part of me thought he blamed himself for Stacy cheating. Like he hadn’t been enough in some ways based off a few things Aiden and Brooklyn had said to me.

We stayed in the parking lot as we kept talking. Aiden asked, “I know you never had a boyfriend, but was there anyone you had a crush on?”

Matthew. Would he be considered a crush? He’d been my intended at some point, per the Keeper’s lies, so I guess so. It had been forever since I’d thought of him. “Kind of . . . maybe. His name was Matthew. We were best friends.” Staring out the window, I got lost in memories as I continued, “Matthew and I could talk for hours. We both grew up in very strict homes.”

“Where is he now?”

I closed my eyes and remembered Matthew standing outside my house the night I left. He’d stared at my window after John had walked off. Not running to Matthew had been hard and I regretted not giving him the choice. “Matthew stayed behind and I severed the relationship.”

Aiden pensively asked, “Did he hurt you?”

“No, if anything I hurt him. I left when I needed to find myself. I needed to sever all ties to my childhood.” The words hung out there and they felt refreshing to give a slice of what really happened to Aiden.

Getting out of the vehicle, Aiden came to my side and brought me to him. “Maybe . . . someday . . . when you’re ready you can tell me more about what happened where you used to live.”

“Someday.”

I wrapped myself in the comforting scent of Aiden. Hopefully, I’d be able to tell Aiden everything . . . one day.

THE NEXT DAY, I was at the library working on gathering information for my Jane Austen paper for English Composition. We we

re assigned a famous historical writer and had to write a creative informative piece on them. After reading summaries of her different fictional works, I had researched who Jane Austen was so I could get a sense for the tone of the paper I wanted to do.

Several sites claimed that Jane Austen had been poisoned with arsenic. I debated whether or not to take a mystery type view point as there were several people who were thought to potentially be the culprit. Lacing the facts within the mystery would satisfy both requirements for the paper.