"Yes." I understand perfectly.
He squeezes my knee. Nothing flirtatious. Just a squeeze that says, maybe, he knows that I do understand. I don't know why Anders is in Rockton. It's not something most people share, but I say, "The war?"
"Yeah."
"If you ever want to talk..."
Another squeeze. "Thanks. Maybe. Someday. For now, this works."
"All right." I understand that, too.
"If you ever want to come out here with me..." he says.
"I'd like that."
"Good."
We sit in silence. Then I peel off my glove and find his hand, and it's the same as his squeeze on my knee. Comfort and reassurance and a wordless understanding th
at there is always darkness. In some part of us, there is absolute darkness, as much as we wish otherwise. As much as we pretend otherwise.
Anders shifts closer, his jeans whispering against the rock. He's still holding my hand, and I feel him there, beside me, hear his breathing, and I think ...
I want to be like Diana and throw caution to the wind and embrace this new freedom. But I can't. I'm still me. Logical Casey. Rational Casey. Cautious Casey. A-little-bit-scared Casey. I cannot turn off my brain, close my eyes, and jump.
A scraping and thumping in the passage breaks the silence. Anders sighs and drops my hand.
"Hello, Eric. Were we gone five seconds longer than anticipated?"
"More like five minutes." Dalton's headlamp floods the cavern with light as we flick ours on.
"God forbid," Anders mutters.
"I got worried."
"That what? We'd been devoured by cave bears?"
"We need to get back before dark, and Petra still wants to show Casey something."
Another deep sigh, and Anders moves into the lead. As he passes Dalton, he murmurs, "Thanks, boss. I was worried. Those cave bears, you know. Dangerous and unpredictable."
Dalton grunts and motions for me to follow Anders out.
What Petra wants to show me is a chute leading off a huge cavern known as the Cathedral.
"It seems too tight for the guys, so they won't risk it," she says. "I fit, but you know Eric--either we stay within sight or we need a buddy."
"Cave bears," Anders says.
"Basic safety," Dalton says. He turns to me. "If you want to try the chute, go ahead. If Petra fits, you definitely will."
"Thanks," Petra says.
He ignores her. "But it's up to you. As always."
I stick my head into the chute. It's called that because it goes, well, down. Like a laundry chute. I can't even see what's at the bottom.
"It looks like a small cavern," Petra says. "With branching passages. We won't go far, but it would be nice to map a little more."