Hazed (Palm South University)

“You’re sensational, Erin. In every way. And Gavin knows that, too.”

Erin blows out a long breath at that, and to my dismay, she pulls her hand from mine so she can use both to wipe her cheeks before the tears fall too far. “God, I’m crying in a bar.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll tell anyone who asks that I just kicked your ass in air hockey.”

“Except it was me doing the ass-kicking.”

“Do you want a cover story or not?”

She chuckles, wiping the mascara from under her left eye before she smiles at me. “Thank you, Bear. I’m actually really glad we talked about this. I tried talking to Jess about it, but it wasn’t the same. You… you know more about me than anyone else in this world, I think. You’ve been here through so much.”

“And I’ll always be here,” I promise.

“Thank God for that.”

Erin and I share a smile, and then I stand, grabbing our empty cups. “I’ll refill these. And, hey, a word of advice?”

She nods.

“Tell the girls what happened to you. Tell them everything.” I shrug. “I know it’s hard, and I know you’re afraid of them judging you. But I promise, they won’t. They love you. And as much as I mean it that I’ll always be here, there are going to be times when you need your girls. And they can’t help you if they don’t know the whole story.”

Her eyes well up again, but she swallows back the emotion and gives me another smile. “Go get our refills so I can beat you at the next game.”

“Ha! Don’t bet on it, Ex. I don’t lose twice.”

I give her a wink, but before I can turn, she’s up out of her chair and in my arms.

She wraps herself all around me, her arms around my neck, hair in my face and body flush against mine as I stand there stupidly holding our empty cups.

“Thank you, Bear. Really.” She inhales a long breath and lets it go just as slowly, still holding me tight. “I love you.”

I go rigid at her words, at how fiercely I want to throw these cups across the room, take her face in my palms, and kiss her breathless until she feels just how much I love her, too.

But she’s not mine to kiss.

With a slow breath through my nose, I wrap her in a hug that’s not as good as I’d like with the cups in my hands. Still, I hold her, and smell her hair, and close my eyes against the emotion building in my chest.

“I love you, too,” I say.

And I do. More than she’ll ever know.

When she pulls away with her bright smile back in place, I die a little inside.

Because there’s a pit in my gut that tells me I’ve lost whatever small chance I ever had with this girl, and that I’ll never have my chance again. It’s likely that nights like tonight — where we hang out as just friends — is the most I’ll ever have.

I hate that truth.

I can’t stomach it.

I don’t know if I can survive it.

But if there’s one thing I know for sure, it’s that even if it kills me, I’ll never leave Erin alone. I can’t.

So, I hold onto hope.

Because I’m a patient man.

And for her, I’ll wait forever if I have to.

“YOU’RE MAD.”

“I’m not mad,” I assure Gavin, hand too tight around my cell phone.

“You sound mad.”

“Well, I’m not exactly thrilled that you’re bailing on our date night… again…” I sigh. “But I’m not mad. I get it. School comes first. I would do the same if I were in your position.”

There’s a brief silence, and then Gavin says, “I really am sorry, Erin. I’ll make it up to you.”

I force a smile. “I know you will. But, for now, you better get going. Tell the group I said hey.”

“Thank you for understanding.”

“Mm-hmm.” That sounds like you’re mad. “Always. Have a good night.”

“You, too.”

The line goes dead instantly, and I sigh, letting the phone fall into my lap. I feel stupid now, all dolled up in my favorite faux-leather leggings and a top that shows more cleavage than I’m usually comfortable with. I even slapped on some red high heels and painted my lips to match.

And now, it’s Friday night and I have nowhere to go.

My heart squeezes in my chest, the same warning bell that’s been ringing ever since Valentine’s Day. I know it’s a busy semester for Gavin — that was the whole reason we did the trip over break. We knew I’d be busy with my first semester of law school and he’d be busy with his last semester of grad school.

Still, I can’t shake the feeling that he’s avoiding me after what happened.

Or rather, what didn’t happen.

Another sigh finds me, and I think about what Bear said, how he assured me that Gavin had my best interests at heart when he turned me down. And while I want to believe that, the bigger part of me screams that there’s something wrong with me, that he doesn’t want me, that I’m not desirable.