Hazed (Palm South University)

She nods, and once she’s filled my order, she’s off and fluttering to the next person.

I stare at my gin and tonic for a long time before taking my first sip, and at this point, I barely taste the alcohol at all. Knowing how dangerous that is, I chug half my water right behind the sip.

I should just do a shot and commit.

I should go find someone hot to dance with.

But whoever I find, they wouldn’t be Kade.

I miss Kade…

Okay, I should go find a group of girls to hang with.

That would be weird…

There’s got to be some KKB’s here somewhere!

… Except they’re all flying back from Denver tonight.

I sigh, running my finger over the rim of my plastic cup. Kade and I had amazing video chat sex last night, and we’ve been texting the whole time he’s been away for his trip. I’m glad he’s having fun. I want him to soak up every last drop of college that he has.

But I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel a little left out.

We’re at different times in our lives, and the saddest thing is that I wish I was in his time. I want to be in Breckenridge with him. I want to be making a fool of myself learning how to snow board and then fucking him by the fire in a cabin every night.

I want to feel like the old me instead of this new me, the one who has no idea what she’s doing next in life.

Another sigh leaves my chest, and I’m about ready to throw in the towel and call it a night when a familiar voice rasps behind me.

“Fancy meeting you here.”

I look over my shoulder confused, but I’m already smiling when I ask Jarrett, “What the hell are you doing here?”

He laughs, sliding between me and a group of frat boys lining up shots on the bar. He angles himself so that his back is to them, and with how crowded it is, his thighs are pressed against my hips. It’s one-hundred percent unfair how enticing he looks right now. It could be the booze, I realize distantly, or it could be the fact that he’s wearing dark jeans that fit him just right and a Buck Mason t-shirt that hugs him in all the right places. It could be that I’m drunk, or it could be that this man has always been sex on a stick deep fried twice over.

His leg is so warm.

He smells so good.

I sink into those thoughts for about point two seconds before I snap out of it, sniffing and inching to the other side of my barstool until we’re no longer touching.

“That is a great question that I wish I had the answer to,” he says, grabbing the back of his neck. “I worked late at the office and it’s been a long fucking week. I just wanted a drink, and for some reason I can’t explain, I thought of this place.”

“Well, Ralph’s does leave a lasting impression.”

Something dances in Jarrett’s eyes then. “Indeed, it does.”

My cheeks heat under his gaze, so much so that I tear my eyes away and take a big gulp from my gin and tonic. It’s perfect timing, because the bartender stops by to take his order, and after he’s fixed up with some Irish whiskey on the rocks, I find the courage to look at him again.

“What about you?” he asks after a sip. “Are you… are you here alone?”

I groan, burying my face in my hands. “Sadly, yes. And before you say it, I realize how pathetic that is.”

He chuckles. “Hey, I’m here alone, too.”

“So we can be pathetic together.”

“Stop that.”

I shrug. “What? You don’t like my self-deprecating humor?”

“No, because you’re too amazing to talk about yourself like that.”

“Yeah, well, I don’t feel amazing right now,” I admit, and with that admission, I frown, trailing my fingers over the wet sides of my cup.

“What’s going on?” Jarrett asks, and as the frat boys behind him take their shots and make their way back to the dance floor, he grabs a barstool they abandoned and pulls it up next to me.

“We don’t need to talk about my sad life.”

“We don’t,” he agrees, and he waits until I take my eyes off my cup and meet his gaze before he says. “But do you want to?”

I frown. “I’m just… lost, Jarrett. I’m stuck in this in-between state of being where I’m not a college student, but I don’t feel like an adult either. I feel accomplished to have a degree, but also not prepared to actually have a job. And it’s fitting, because no one will call me back after interviews. Ashlei is kicking ass at her new firm, Erin is working her ass off to be a lawyer, and then there’s me.” I hold up my drink. “Getting wasted by myself at a college bar.”