Hazed (Palm South University)

I pull up at the Omega Chi house twenty minutes later and park around back. I don’t even know if Bear is here. I don’t know why I’m here. But my body, my heart, my soul carried me here instinctively.

So, I’m listening.

I don’t bother knocking on the front door of the house, just let myself inside and try to keep what I’m sure is a mascara-stained face out of sight of the brothers hanging out in the common room. There are four brothers shooting a game of pool in the corner, and a big group gathered around a video game match on the big sofa.

I get a few head nods and heys, but that’s about it.

It’s not until I round the corner into the hallway that leads to Bear’s room that I realize what I’m doing, and my feet falter, breath hitching in my chest.

I stop in the middle of the hall and debate turning around, but the pause is so brief I almost question if I did it at all, because in the next second, I’m knocking on his door.

“Just a minute,” I hear his voice call from inside, and then he’s mumbling something like he’s on the phone, silence, and then the turning of the door handle.

Clinton Pennington has a tendency to suck up all the air in a room.

Whenever I see him, whenever his cedar eyes lock on mine, whenever his beastly body fills a doorframe the way it is right now, I find it absolutely impossible to breathe.

He looks like he just got back from the gym, his white t-shirt with the sleeves cut off sticking to his still-damp chest. And even in the ratty shirt and red basketball shorts, he’s so crushingly handsome.

I expect him to ask why I’m here, to furrow his brows and cock his head to the side, confused. But one look at me — one brief, understanding look — and his hand jets out for mine, tugging me inside, and the door shuts behind us, and then I’m wrapped in his arms.

A sob chokes my next breath, and Bear runs his hand into my hair, holding me to his chest as he softly whispers, “Shhh, shhh, it’s alright, I’m here, it’s okay.”

Those words only make me cry harder, my fists twisting in his shirt like he’s the last thing holding me to this earth.

I can’t be sure how long we stay like that, Bear holding me while I soak the dry shoulder of his t-shirt, but eventually, my cries subside, and my breath evens out, and with a long inhale, I pull back to look up at him.

“I’m sorry.”

He shakes his head, eyebrows bending together as he smooths his thumb over my cheek and takes a fresh tear with it. “Don’t ever be sorry for coming to me.” He pauses, his eyes searching mine. “What happened?”

I almost laugh, almost cry again, but finally manage to tell him the short version of Gavin’s recent rejection, disappearance, and letter. By the time I finish, I’m all out of tears, my throat dry and voice hoarse.

Bear sucks in a deep breath when I’m done, chewing the inside of his cheek for a moment before he finally says, “There are a lot of things I want to say right now, but I don’t want to upset you by talking shit about him, because I know you still care about him, even if you’re angry now.”

I nod, sniffing. “Maybe just one little insult won’t hurt.”

“He’s a weak, idiotic coward who royally fucked up the best thing to ever happen to him and he’s lucky I don’t know what treatment center he checked himself into or I’d check myself in long enough to punch the fucker right in the balls.”

It’s terrible. It’s an absolutely awful thing to say.

But it makes me chuckle.

“I’m sorry I always come to you with my mess,” I say on a sigh.

“I’m glad you do.”

I sniff, and Bear releases his grip on me long enough to get me a tissue before guiding us over to sit on the edge of his bed. I wipe my tears and blow my nose and then sit there with that tissue balled in my fist, eyes drying out as I stare down at my knees.

“I’m just so tired of this, Bear,” I whisper, shaking my head and fighting the urge to cry even more. “For years now, I’ve gone through more than any human can take. It’s been one dumpster fire after the other. And I finally thought I was on the track to being happy again.” I sniff. “I was happy again. And now…”

Bear doesn’t try to cheer me up or make me look at the bright side, he just sighs like he really gets it, like he understands, and then his warm palm reaches up to rub my back.