I snort and look away. “Thanks for the pep talk.”
I get up and grab the cup of cocoa, gulping it down in one go so I won’t get any complaints.
Her cheerful smile proves my point. “Of course, Sir. Happy to help.” She gets up from the couch and says, “If you need anything else, just call me.”
“Sure,” I say, but when she leaves the room again, I sink back into the couch again and bury my head between the palms of my hands. I wish I could bury my head into the sand entirely.
For nights, I haven’t been able to sleep.
Questions swirl through my head.
What should I do with Amelia?
How could I ever make her love me again?
Could I live with it if she didn’t?
Amelia’s words are repeated over and over again in my head about how much she hates me and how she will never forgive me. I can’t escape the irony of it all.
I once thought these same things about her.
And look at me now.
I’m completely overcome by my desire for her, the same desire which will never be reciprocated again. I don’t need her words to know this is true. I could see it in her eyes, the pain, the hurt, the betrayal, all of it caused by me.
And now it will be my undoing.
Tears well up in my eyes, but I refuse to let them fall. Instead, I grab the book lying in front of me and chuck it in the fire, roaring out loud.
Suddenly, Soren marches inside. He glares at me, then throws a glance at the fire.
He quickly rushes to it and fishes out the book with his bare hands, patting it down so it’s no longer burning.
He holds up the book, the handwritten pages still legible, albeit burnt on the edges. Soren looks at me with anger in his eyes. The same kind of look my father once used to throw me whenever I’d disappointed him. “Why?” he asks.
I shrug. “What use is it?”
“Rules are rules,” he says, and he gets up and brings it back to me, planting the book firmly down on the table. “Keep it.”
His hand is still resting on top while he stares me down, as though he wants to tell me … this is what you chose. This is who you are. Who you were born into. Now stick with it and see it through … till the end.
I swallow as my fate begins to bear down on me.
Maybe he’s right.
Maybe this is how it was supposed to end.
I look up at him. “Is it too late to right my wrongs?”
“Never,” he says, in that signature low voice of his that reminds me more of a bear’s growl.
I suck in a breath and nod a few times. “You know what I must do then, right?”
Soren may be silent, but he’s not dumb. He’s been with us for so long that I barely even remember what it was like without him. And he knows exactly what makes me tick. What keeps this house from falling apart, even when it’s on the brink.
“Choose. I will help you.” Always so careful with the words he picks, but every one of them is as important as the other.
But he’s right. I have to choose.
No matter what, this house must continue.
The sinner must be punished.
And if I wish to see this through … I must be willing to sacrifice everything.
Amelia
It’s the middle of the night, but I can’t sleep.
I haven’t seen Eli since the day I fainted and found out I was pregnant.
From the moment I was fit enough to get out of his bed, I moved straight back into my own room, determined not to speak to him again. If I’m going to be a prisoner, I might as well make his life hell too.
Which is why I haven’t told him about the baby yet.
How could I when I know what’s at stake? When I know damn well this is exactly what he wished for? A ball and chain to keep me a prisoner for the rest of my life.
The one thing I wanted so badly not to happen happened anyway … and now I will pay the price for it. All because I was foolish enough to spend time with him in my own shower back at home.
How could I not have seen this coming? I’m so stupid.
He tricked me, used me, led me straight down the path to my own demise, and I willingly went along with it because I thought he loved me. Because I thought I could finally forgive myself and him for all the pain he caused. Because I thought, even for a moment, that we might have a future together.
If only we had stayed there.
Right there, under that shower, time stood still, even if only for a moment, and it was the most blissful thing I’d experienced in such a long time.