Choosing this over any other method is freeing. This way, I get to decide how it all ends.
I take in a deep breath and step up on the chair I put down in front of the balcony. I’m mere inches away, and my mind can’t help but drift off. Instead of death, I think about her. The beauty in her smile, the sincerity in her heart, how kind she was to strangers, how forgiving she was to those who hurt her.
How easy it was to fall in love with her.
How hard it is to fall out of it.
And even if I had known this would be the outcome, that she would never love me … I still would have made the same choice over and over again, all while knowing it would lead to my death. Because it meant I got to love her just for that small amount of time in my life, and that was worth it all.
I stare down at the abyss in front of me. The flight will probably last an infinity, and at that moment, time will cease to exist. But there is no more way out of this. I made my choice, and now I must see it through to the end.
This is the one and final rule of this house.
My blood on that page signified my decision to make her my wife. And when I let her go, I failed to honor the most important vow. I failed willingly, knowing it would mean the end.
The punisher of sins must be punished for his own sins.
I knew the second I took her out of that library and into my home that this was coming.
This is what I deserve. This is what it all amounted to.
I committed the one sin my father refused to pay for … but I forced him to.
And now I will force myself to pay too.
I step onto the balcony, my feet dangling dangerously to the edge. The wind blows from all sides, almost pushing me over, but I maintain balance just to enjoy my memories of this world, even if the happy ones are so few and far between. Most of them involve her, and I’m struck by how little it all mattered in the end.
I just pray I was able to make enough of a difference.
And that, by letting her go, I was able to give her something my mother never had: A chance at real love.
I sigh out loud and close my eyes. One foot rises. I hover closer, leaning over.
“NO!”
Suddenly, arms wrap around my body, pulling me back from the brink of destruction. My mind is still there, over the edge, floating down into infinity where my soul would’ve shattered.
And I find myself oddly split in half.
One part already over the edge.
The other … clinging to life.
The life that keeps me here.
I smile to myself.
This has to be a figment of my imagination.
A final push of my heart and mind to turn me insane. A fitting punishment.
“Don’t you dare!”
Amelia?
My eyes burst open. Her hands are firmly clenched around my waist, her body weighing against mine so heavy that it makes my heart bleed.
Is this real?
Her fingers dig into my skin as my body still teeters on edge, but hers keep me grounded on the balcony. Her warmth spills over onto me until I finally awaken to the cold wind brush past my naked skin.
Or is it … something else?
Something wet and cold against my back.
Tears.
“Please …” she whispers.
I can no longer stop myself from peering over my shoulder, from facing my biggest sin. The woman I loved until my dying breath is right here underneath me, clutching my body as though she refuses to let go.
“I need you.”
The words that roll off her tongue so freely turn me inside out, and I fail to keep the tears at bay as hers start to flow. She keeps me from falling, her arms so beautifully wrapped around my body that it becomes harder and harder to breathe, and I know right then that this is not an illusion.
She’s truly here, in the flesh, even though I nearly wasn’t anymore.
“Amelia …” I mutter, turning around to face her.
She buries her head against my belly, her hands still firmly wrapped around my body, refusing to let go. “Don’t do this, please.”
I am undone by her words. Stripped of everything I thought I knew I needed, everything I thought I knew about myself. Her strength is beyond my imagination. The fact that she is here right now, pleading with me not to go through with my own execution.
Why?
I lower my head at her as she cries against me. “Why did you come?”
“I can’t let you do this,” she says. “Stop. Please.”
“You know I must—”
“NO!” she repeats, her voice stronger than ever before. “No. You don’t.”