She didn't answer, but although her eyes were shut, they knew she was not.
"I'm going to tell your sister my story," he said. "If you wish not to hear it . . ."
"I said I would," Moria replied. "Go on."
Gavril looked over at Ashyn. "Do you wish to hear it? I am not trying to excuse my actions. I was not held captive nor tricked nor manipulated by magics. I made choices. Poor ones."
"I'd like to hear it."
"You have probably deduced that I did not end up in Edgewood by accident. That was part of my father's plan. Though he was not in the forest--nor had he been since his exile--he wished to make a symbolic first strike from there. I was to be nearby when he did. I'd requested the post. Initially, Emperor Tatsu refused. He thought I was punishing myself, but eventually I convinced him that this was my way of facing my father's crime. He relented, albeit grudgingly."
He pulled his legs in, one arm going around them. "As for what happened in Edgewood, I was told my father would take the village captive. The massacre . . . The shadow stalkers . . . I knew nothing of them, and I say that not as an excuse but as an admittance that I was foolish and naive and trusted my father, despite a childhood that should have taught me otherwise. Even after what happened, I was convinced that the magics had gone wrong or my father had b
een betrayed and these horrors done in his name. That is what I expected to hear when I joined him."
"And you did not."
"He made no attempt to deny what he had done, and if I was appalled, then he was disappointed in my lack of spine. It was then that I realized what he truly is."
"Yet you stayed."
"Because that seemed the best way to thwart him. Stay and be the son he wanted, which would allow me to be a full party to his plans, and take them to the emperor." He looked back toward Moria, who was sitting up now, watching him. "And there is my greatest and most shameful confession, Keeper. I wanted to march to court and throw myself at the emperor's feet and not only win his pardon but his thanks. I would be both martyr and hero. Betray my own father and save my empire. You may laugh now."
Moria's voice was uncharacteristically soft. "I never would, Kitsune."
He nodded, his gaze down, and Ashyn looked away, feeling as if she'd intruded on something private between them. She looked at Ronan. He was listening but remaining silent.
After a moment, Gavril continued. "Needless to say, it has not exactly worked out as I planned."
"Because I got captured by Lord Jorojumo," Moria said.
"Which I proceeded to make a mess of, as I did the rest of it."
"You did not--"
"I did, Keeper. Perhaps there was no good way to handle it, but there must have been a better one. I failed to find it." He raised a hand against her protest. "I'll stop there. Wallowing in self-pity is neither productive nor flattering. I am . . . out of sorts."
"With reason," Moria said, her voice softening again.
"Thus ends my story. The only thing I hope you will take from it, Ashyn, is that I know what my father is, and I will no longer feel any filial duty toward him. If that damns my spirit, then so be it. I turn my back on him, completely and unequivocally, and I hope that you will believe me when I say that I can be trusted not to betray my empire. If you are concerned about my resolve . . ." He looked toward Moria again. "Speak to your sister. She can detail what he has done and you will realize any duty I still felt toward him is gone now."
"I understand."
He looked over, as if sensing that Ashyn meant more than simply that she understood his words.
"I'm sorry for what you've gone through," she said. "For what your father put you through. For what you've suffered."
His face hardened then, and she knew she'd said the wrong thing. But he kept his voice low and steady as he said, "I appreciate the sentiment, Ashyn, and I know you mean well, but I have inflicted more on others than I've suffered."
"I don't believe that."
She said the words gently, but at a noise from Moria, she saw her sister shake her head. Others might take comfort in her words. For Gavril, if anything, they made him uncomfortable. He wanted to accept the blame, and she should let him.
FORTY-FOUR
A little later, as they sat around a fire inside the farmhouse, Ashyn recalled another moment, seemingly a lifetime ago. The four of them, traveling from Fairview to the imperial city. Ashyn twisted the silver and garnet ring on her finger and remembered the night Moria had given it to her, along with their father's note, and they'd cried and grieved together.
Before that, though, the four of them had sat around a fire not unlike this, Ronan and Moria deep in conversation about . . . What had it been? Oh, yes, quills. Moria and Gavril had killed some twisted beast in the Forest of the Dead and she'd been showing Ashyn the quills, and Moria and Ronan had gotten into a deep discussion of how they could be used for nefarious means.