My Kind of Beautiful (Finding Love 2)

“It really happened,” I confirm, saying the words out loud for the first time. “He’s gone.”

She shakes her head back and forth and closes her eyes. The tears race down her cheeks, and she drops her head into her hands. “No, no, no, no…” She continues to repeat the same word over and over again, not wanting it to be true, and I know exactly how she feels.

Lexi

“Oh, man, those waves!” I yell over the music blaring from someone’s speakers as I jab my board into the sand. I drop onto the blanket, grabbing a cold bottle of water from my cooler, and down the entire thing. It must be ninety-five degrees outside right now, and the saltwater may cool my body down, but it does nothing for my thirst. “Adulting seriously gets in the way of my surfing time.”

“Hell yeah, it does,” Jason agrees with a laugh, grabbing a water as well. He flops onto my blanket, soaking the entire thing. I’ve known Jason for about a year or so now, but I don’t know a lot about him. From the little he’s mentioned, he’s a trust fund kid who spends the majority of his time fucking off and surfing. According to him, when he’s not at the beach, it’s because his dad is making him learn the company he owns, so he can one day take over. He doesn’t seem too thrilled about the idea.

“I told my parents I’m taking the summer off to train for the Vans Surf Classic.”

“The winners get a sponsorship for next year’s world tour,” Jason says. “If you win, you would have to quit school. You prepared to do that?”

Before last night, I would’ve said no. Surfing has always just been for fun. I wouldn’t give up school, something that’s important to my parents, to leave here—leave Georgia and Alec—and travel the world surfing. When I had mentioned traveling at dinner the other night, I wasn’t really one hundred percent sure. I was just lost and wanting to escape. And then Alec kissed me, and if he had told me right then and there he wants to be with me, I would’ve given up anything in the world to be with him. But he didn’t. Instead, he told me it shouldn’t have happened. Which means if I stay around here, one day I’m going to have to watch Alec fall in love with another woman. Get married, have kids, create a life together. And I can’t be around for that.

Alec was right. That kiss shouldn’t have happened, because it changed everything for me. It was one thing to love him from afar, but to actually feel his body against mine, to know how his mouth tastes when entwined with mine, changes everything. Because now I’ve had a glimpse of how good it could be with Alec, and it hurts to know I can never have that—to know he doesn’t want that.

He once told me he wants what his mom and Mason have, what my parents have. Maybe the reason why he doesn’t want me is because I’m nothing like them. I’m too wild, too carefree—too unpredictable. I don’t know what I want for my future. I live in the moment. I’ve always been the black sheep of my family—even if my parents swear they love me the way I am. I’ve always worried I’m too much like my biological mom, that my dad wants me to go to college so I don’t end up like her. But what if finding our own perfect paths isn’t possible? What if my path has already been decided, and I’m just fighting the inevitable?

“I saw your recent tag,” Jason says, snapping me from my thoughts. “On the abandoned building near Luciano’s.” Luciano’s is an authentic Italian bakery in the rougher part of LA. It’s the only business in its neighborhood that hasn’t been shut down yet. The city has been shutting down or buying out each business, so they can tear the buildings down to create condo developments.

“I’ve never admitted to anything.” I give Jason a side-eye, and he rolls his eyes. Everybody who knows me knows I’ve been graffitiing all over the abandoned buildings in LA for years. Everywhere I graffiti, I leave my tag: a silhouette of a surfer chick holding a surfboard. In a city that’s filled with so much darkness and chaos, I’ve always been drawn to adding my own color and brightness. People think LA is so glamorous, so beautiful, but those people have never lived here. It’s not like what you see in the movies or on TV. There’s a small percentage of wealth and the rest is poor. The beach is beautiful but filled with homeless people. The businesses are thriving but too expensive for the common folk to shop at. For every fancy restaurant, there’s fifty people who can’t afford to even eat. They fill the alleyways, the beaches, the sidewalks, and I fill the walls with hope and beauty.