She halted on the rug and examined me. Her eyes absorbed my appearance, my mood, everything about me. That told her everything she needed to know. She silently took a seat and opened her book to read.
Not speaking a word to me.
My eyes didn’t turn back to my phone or laptop because they were glued to her cheek, seeing the way her hair naturally fell forward when her chin dropped, and she had to push it back, only for it to fall once more. Her beauty was paralyzing to me, like the strongest nuclear weapon on the planet. In silence, it could obliterate every thought that came to mind with an invisible power.
I’d always be angry about the compromise she’d forced me to make.
But it was worth it.
I worked through lunch. Took phone calls. When Magnus called back later, I picked up then hung up immediately, just to make my anger palpable. I could have ignored the call for the same effect, but I wanted it to sting.
I sank back into my chair, thinking things over, and my eyes focused on her like she was a painting on the wall right in front of me. My eyes lingered a long time before I shut my laptop and moved to the couch across from her.
When she heard me, she looked up from her book. She regarded me for a while before she closed her book without inserting a bookmark and set it on the table. She was still reading The Count of Monte Cristo. It was a long book, so it was no surprise that it was still in her hands. She straightened with the poise Gilbert had instilled in her then dropped her chin to regard her hands on her knee, her fingernails painted with French tips.
The fire continued to burn hot in the hearth because Gilbert had silently entered the office and continued to feed it without either one of us noticing, being the shadow on the wall that had no real presence. It was another day of rain, and it was audible even though we were on the ground floor. The raindrops splattered against the windows, leaving tears on the glass that streaked down like the ones on her cheeks last night.
I leaned forward with my forearms on my thighs, one hand encompassing the other. Whenever I was with her, my mind turned empty, devoid of objects, light, feelings. Normally, it was saturated with more shit than I could contain, but she brought me peace that was akin to nothingness. To not think, to not feel, it was like meditation.
She lifted her chin and looked at me. “When will my sister be here?” It was a question she’d probably wanted to ask since last night, but she could only restrain herself so long.
Peace was shattered. “When I return to the camp.”
“When will that be?”
“When I decide to return.” I never made plans further than a few days into the future. Life was uncontrollable, so I just went with it, not against it.
Disappointment filled her gaze. “Like in a few weeks?”
My eyes narrowed on her face.
She quickly dropped her look. “I’m sorry. I’m just…I’m afraid she’ll be dead by then.”
“Magnus saved her neck twice. No reason he wouldn’t do it a third time.”
She inhaled a deep breath and slowly released it, her eyes closing briefly. When she was ready, she looked at me again, showing me those brilliant blue eyes that were like sapphires to complement her diamonds. “I’ll feel a lot better when she’s here, but…I don’t think the nightmares will ever stop.”
“Nightmares are part of the human experience.” I had them often, the same premise happening in different ways. Sometimes I was a grown man who came into my family home and stopped my father from killing my family, beating him with my bare fists before making him eat his gun. Sometimes I was the helpless teenager that was just skin and bones, and there wasn’t a damn thing I could do for my family—not even Magnus. Decades had passed, and it still haunted me like it was yesterday. I gave my father a death no one deserved, but that failed to bring me peace.
She was the only thing that did.
She looked down again, her little fingers moving together slightly. When she turned her head, it showed how slender her neck was, the little vein that rose to her jawline, the soft and delicious skin that tempted my tongue. “You have nightmares?” She looked up again to see my reaction.
“Yes.”
“Maybe you wouldn’t have nightmares…if I were next to you.”
My expression didn’t convey my annoyance. I remained as stoic as ever, but I knew exactly what her endgame was.
“Because if I were beside you…I don’t think I would.” She approached the situation differently, coming from an angle she hoped I wouldn’t see.