But maybe it was good, said another part of his mind. The part that was keenly aware that their bodies were still pressed together, that his fingers were pressing gently against the back of her shirt, moving slightly, caressing the skin and body under the cloth.
"Your mother was under the domination of someone stronger than her," said Ender. "Your grandmother. She wanted to get free."
That did it. Alessandra pulled away from him. "What are you saying? What do you know about my grandmother?"
"Only what your mother told me herself," said Ender. "In front of you."
He could see on her face that she remembered, and the flash of anger subsided. But she did not come back into his embrace. Nor did he invite her to. He thought more clearly when she was standing a half-meter away. A meter would be even better.
"My mother isn't anything like my grandmother," said Alessandra.
"Of course not," said Ender. "But the two of you have lived together your whole life. Very close all the time."
"I'm not trying to get away from her," said Alessandra. "I wouldn't use you like that." But her face showed something else. A recognition, perhaps, that she had been using him--that her whole visit to him was prompted by her mother.
"I was just thinking," said Ender, "that even the cheerful fairyland she likes to pretend she lives in--"
"When did you--" she began, and then stopped herself, because of course Dorabella had done her queen-of-the-fairies bit several times, to the delight of the other colonists.
"I was thinking," said Ender, "that after such a long while, you might not want to spend the rest of your life in her fairyland. Maybe your world is better for you than her imaginary places. That's all I was thinking. She's made a lovely cocoon for you, but maybe you still want to break out of it and fly."
Alessandra s
tood there, her hand to her mouth. Then tears came to her eyes. "Per tutte sante," she said. "I was...doing what she wanted. I thought it was my own idea, but it was hers, it was...I wanted you to like me, I really did, that wasn't made up, but the idea of coming here...I wasn't getting away from her, I was obeying her."
"You were?" Ender said, trying to act as if he hadn't already guessed.
"She told me just what to do, how far to..." Alessandra started unbuttoning her blouse, tears flowing. She was wearing nothing under it. "What you were going to see, what you could touch, but no more..."
Ender stepped to her, embraced her again, to stop her from unbuttoning any more. Because even in this emotional moment, there was a part of him that only cared about the blouse and what would be revealed, not about the girl who was doing it.
"You do care about me," she said.
"Of course I do," said Ender.
"More than she does," she said. Her tears were dampening his shirt.
"Probably not," said Ender.
"I wonder if she cares for me at all," said Alessandra into his chest. "I wonder if I've ever been anything more than her puppet, just the way she was Grandmother's. Maybe if Mother had stayed home and hadn't married and hadn't had me, Grandmother would have been full of fairyland and beauty--because she was getting her way."
Perfect, thought Ender. Despite my own impulses, my biological distractibility, this has gone exactly right. Admiral Morgan would see that even though the sex angle didn't play according to script, Ender and Alessandra were still close, still bonding--whatever he wanted to read into it. The game was still on. Even if the romance was definitely on hold.
"The door to this room can't lock," said Ender.
"I know," she said.
"Someone might come in at any time." He thought it was best not to point out that surveillance cameras were in every room, including most particularly this one, and someone could be watching them right now.
She took the hint, pulled away from him, rebuttoned her blouse. This time all the way up to where she usually buttoned it. "You saw through me," she said.
"No," said Ender. "I saw you. Maybe your mother doesn't."
"I know she doesn't," said Alessandra. "I know it. I'm just--it's just--Admiral Morgan, that's what it is, she said she was bringing me here to find a young man with prospects, but she found an old man with even better prospects, that's what it is, and I just fit into her plans, that's all, I--"
"Don't do this," said Ender. "Your mother loves you, this wasn't cynical, she thought she was helping you get what you wanted."
"Maybe," said Alessandra. Then she laughed bitterly. "Or is this just your version of fairyland? Everybody wants me to be happy, so they construct a fake reality around me. Yes, I want to be happy, but not with a lie!"