Radiant Shadows (Wicked Lovely 4)

He knelt beside her. “She didn’t want you to know, but… I won’t have you hate me. I can’t keep you safe if you hate me.”

“She’s… where? Where is she? Is that where we’re going?”

“No. She’s safe, but we can’t go to her,” he said.

“I thought…” Ani tried to find words for the years of fear and loss, but there weren’t any. “I thought she was dead. That you…”

“It was for the best.”

“Help me understand how. Because of not knowing, I’ve spent my life thinking she died and fearing someone— apparently you—would come back to hurt Tish.” Ani felt tears sliding down her cheeks.

“I had few choices. Sorcha can see everyone but those closest to her or those whose lives matter in her life,” he started.

Ani couldn’t speak, couldn’t do much other than stare at him and wait for the rest.

“If I hid Jill, she wouldn’t be important enough to draw Sorcha’s attention… especially if Jill didn’t remember having children.” Devlin’s emotions went several different directions, but his inflection was unchanged. “The alternative was her death.”

“Do you save many people Sorcha wants killed?”

Suddenly, his emotions were completely blocked from her. “Only you.”

“And Jillian.”

“No. Jillian’s death wasn’t ordered, but… her vanishing would make Irial put you under his care. It was her idea. She would’ve done anything to keep you and your sister safe.”

Ani sat there. She considered reaching out to him, telling him that he’d given her everything by not killing Jillian.

Or me.

Almost an hour passed while they stayed silent beside each other, and then Ani looked up and caught his gaze. “You’re a traditional faery; aren’t you, Devlin? Three questions. That’s the rule, isn’t it?”

“It is, but I’ve already—”

“I want a third question,” she interrupted. “And I want you to promise to answer it.”

He didn’t look away or tell her that she had no right. Instead, he nodded.

“Tell me who you are, Devlin. You know everything about me.” She caught his hand in hers. “You’ve seen every step of my life.”

He startled. “I didn’t. I stayed away…. I only saw you in passing until the other night. I wouldn’t stalk you like that. It’s… unseemly.”

His expression begged for her understanding. The High Court was about restraint, not desire; it was about reason, not impulse. And Ani was realizing that Devlin was violating every trait of his court to be with her, to save her, and to hide her. What she didn’t know was why.

“You know me, my history, my family, and I need to know you.” She didn’t let go of his hand, as if holding on to him was the only thing that would keep either of them from falling apart. It wasn’t about skin hunger; it was about things making sense. Holding on to him made sense. “Tell me who you are. There’s more to what’s going on here.”

His already volatile emotions became so intense she shivered again.

He looked—and tasted—frightened. “In all of eternity, I have acted in

the best interests of my queen… until you. And now, War tells me that you are the key to my queen’s death. I should kill you, Ani. I should’ve killed you then. I should kill you now.”

“I’m glad you didn’t.”

“As am I,” he admitted, “but if your living means her death… I cannot sacrifice everything.”

“I know.” Ani didn’t have words that would make things make sense for either of them. That wasn’t really her strength. She went up on her knees so she was face-to-face with him.

He didn’t back away. His heartbeat didn’t race, not really, but she heard it speed.