Radiant Shadows (Wicked Lovely 4)

And keeping her out of my reach.

She pulled a change of clothes and a hairbrush from her bag. “Wouldn’t it be more logical to just kill me and get it over with? You know they’re both going to be furious with you, and somehow I don’t think they’re the forgiving sort. You could go back to Faerie, go back to the way things were—”

“No. I don’t want that. I don’t want you hurt, and I don’t want to go back.” He paused and shook his head as soon he realized what he’d said. “I don’t want…”

“What?”

But Devlin couldn’t respond. He stared at her.

Silently, she walked into the bathroom and closed the door.

Could I go back? Could I hurt her? Why does she matter? Rae had answers; she’d pressured him so often to go see Ani that he was sure now that she knew something. He just didn’t know what it was—or why she kept the reason from him.

When Ani returned, she set her bag on the floor on the opposite side of the bed from where he sat, but didn’t speak. Instead, she stayed there and turned her back to him and contorted her body into several muscle-loosening positions. The shirt she wore lifted up, exposing her midriff.

Devlin stared at her bare skin.

She is not mine to keep.

He wanted to, though; for the first time in all of eternity, he looked on another faery and thought about relationships, futures, fighting alongside her. Hounds are not inclined toward relationships. He reminded himself of that truth, as if it was somehow more important than the fact that she would likely die because of one of his sisters.

She continued stretching for several more moments, and then came to stand in front of him—hands on her hips again—and asked, “Is this more contemplation or are you going to say something?”

The expression in her eyes was telling: she was frightened, tired, and hungry. Her response was that of most Dark Court fey when weakened—irrational attacks.

Devlin took her hands in his. “Time is different for me. If I am silent too long for your comfort, speak to me. I’ve never been in a place where regular conversation is required of me.”

“Well, that just…” She clearly wanted to say something hostile, and for a moment, she looked like she would, but instead she stared at his hands holding on to hers. Her shoulders relaxed a little.

And he realized that not only had he not spoken, he hadn’t touched even her hand. In four days, Ani hadn’t even had a brush of skin until she’d tapped his hand to send him to acquire their room.

He released her left hand and unfastened his shirt.

Ani didn’t move, didn’t look at his face, didn’t respond at all.

It’s not personal for her. It is merely a physical need. He stared at her, watching her reaction, wishing he could taste her emotions. It is not logical that I want this to mean something.

Still without speaking, he released his hold on her right hand and removed his shirt.

She lifted her gaze to his. “What are you doing?”

“You need nourishment.” He slid farther onto the bed. “I am here.”

Ani stayed where she was. She turned to watch him in a predatory way. In a very low voice, she asked, “What are you offering?”

“Skin contact.”

“Are you sure?” She took two steps forward so that the edge of the bed was against her. “I mean…”

He dropped his walls, so she could feel the things he would prefer she didn’t know. Craving. Fear. Doubt. Joy. Hope. Excitement. It was all there, emotion to feed her second appetite.

She knelt on the bed. “If you want me, why not—”

“You are not mine to keep, Ani.” He held out a hand. “If you were someone else… but you’re not.”

She removed her shirt and then took his hand. “I don’t get you, Dev.”

With a sigh of some emotion he didn’t know how to name, he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her to him. Her hand was splayed out on his stomach, and her cheek rested on his shoulder. Tendrils of damp pink-tipped hair brushed against his chest.