Radiant Shadows (Wicked Lovely 4)

He sounded lost as he spoke, and Rae felt useless to help. She couldn’t lie and promise that all would be well, not to him.

“I would fix it all if I could,” she murmured. Her hand was still on his face, and he was not pushing her away as he had done before when she offered him her affection. “I can’t fix this. She instructed that only you or Seth could awaken her. I tried to talk to her. I went to her and… she doesn’t care. She’s the Queen of Order, and she doesn’t seem to care at all.”

“Is it wrong to want something other than the life one has?” Devlin leaned his head against hers. “That’s what Sorcha has done, isn’t it?”

“Yes.” Rae kept her voice gentle. “But she’s not thinking of the lives dependent on her.”

Devlin laughed mirthlessly. “I won’t fail Faerie. I never have.”

“I know.” Rae smiled at him. “You are different from her. Stronger.”

“No, I’m not. I understand what Sorcha is doing. Love makes you foolish. It makes you throw every bit of logic away, do stupid things, dangerous things.” His eyes flashed shimmers of color as he spoke. “It’s her. Ani. She’s the new life I want. For her, I might throw the world into chaos.”

“No.” Rae put her hands on his shoulders before he could retreat. “Even now, you would think of the good of Faerie. Unlike Sorcha, you’ve spent eternity balancing passion and your practicality. If you were a king, you’d still protect your court. She would too, if she wasn’t unwell.”

Devlin caught Rae’s gaze. He stared at her silently for several moments before saying, “You came to me in a dream in the mortal world… because of Ani.”

Rae stepped backward, putting distance between them.

“You keep secrets from me, Rae,” he said.

She opened her mouth to reply, but he held up a hand. “I know you do, and I’m not asking what they are. What I need to know is whether Ani is safer with me in Faerie or here without me.”

“I can’t tell you that,” Rae whispered. “She is important. Forgive me for what I cannot say, but… treasure her. She is dangerous, lethal, but she’s also essential. I would give my life… what there is of it… to keep her at your side. Treat her with the care I know you harbor for me.”

Devlin stared at her as if he would read secrets from her skin. Then he nodded. “What happens when you return to Faerie?”

“It depends on if there’s anything to return to,” Rae admitted. “It’s disappearing too quickly to predict. I’m not sure how long Faerie will last if she doesn’t wake.”

“I’ll retrieve her… son.” Devlin’s tone was no longer unreadable: he was angry now. “Go back and try to talk to her. Tell her that Seth is on his way home, that her brother brings the child she wants. Tell her that if Faerie isn’t as it should be, her son might not be able to reach her.”

Rae couldn’t respond to whatever anger drove Devlin. She knew that the High Queen had done plenty to push Devlin away from her, but this was new; the anger was unfamiliar. Things were shifting, and while Rae didn’t understand them all, she nursed hope that they were leading to the future she’d glimpsed so briefly.

Devlin walked over to the stone building. One wall became glass. Inside Ani slept. She was holding a black- handled knife in her closed fist. He put a hand up as if to touch the barrier. “She’s… ferocious and strong. My sisters want her death, but I need her to live.”

“You always have,” Rae murmured.

He looked over his shoulder at Rae. “I hope you are there when I return to Faerie.”

Rae nodded, and then she reached out and took Devlin’s hand.

He pulled her into an embrace and held her tightly. “I wish I could keep you here or bring Ani there. I wish we were all hidden away in your cave, that you were safe with Sorcha, that Ani was safe from Bananach.”

“Be careful?” she asked.

“No.” He shook his head. “I think I’d like to be truly not-careful. Not for just a few hidden moments, but often. I was made of order and discord. Perhaps it’s time I let myself know both sides.”

Rae stretched up on her tiptoes and kissed his cheek. “I love both sides, Devlin. I always have.”

He said nothing for a moment, just held her carefully. Then he said, “I will bring Seth to Faerie, wake the queen, but after that… I am not sure.”

Rae wanted to tell him that there was another path, but she could not speak that. She could only hope that he would see it. “If there is a way, I would always be where you are.”

Devlin’s voice was muffled as he held her close. “I’ll be home soon.”

After he turned away, Rae created a mist in his dream to hide her presence and whispered, “Forgive me, Devlin.”

And then she reached for the thread of Ani’s dream and held the two faeries’ dreaming minds in her hands. She stitched the two sleeping faeries’ dreams together. If Rae wasn’t dead, she could unstitch them later, but if Faerie was gone and her with it, Devlin would need some other way to give in to his emotions. Rae could give him—and Ani—a plane where Ani’s lethality wouldn’t hurt Devlin and his High Court restraint could be loosened.