Deceptions (Cainsville 3)

"You're hoping he won't be able to handle it, and he'll leave her."

Ice seeped into his voice. "I realize you may not think much of my ability to empathize with others, but I would never wish to see Olivia hurt like that."

"Good. Because the only acceptable reason for hoping that is if you planned to take advantage of the situation and offer yourself as a replacement, which I doubt."

"That would be correct."

"Then stop staring out that damn window, hoping you'll see Ricky Gallagher storm out of her life."

He fixed his aunt with a look known to make even expert witnesses quail. She didn't flinch.

"You want her all to yourself," she said. "Her time and her attention. If you wish to speak to her, she'd better be there to take your call. If you wish to see her, she'd better be available. And she sure as hell better not be sleeping with another guy, even if you can't bring yourself to cross that threshold yourself. That's not fair, Gabriel. You might be accustomed to getting what you want, but you aren't going to lock Olivia up on your terms. You just aren't."

"I have never expected--"

"Then step away from the window. Because if it doesn't go well with Ricky tonight, she'll find someone else. Someone you'll like and respect a whole lot less than him. Someone who will be a hell of a lot less understanding about how much time she spends with you. Olivia appreciates men. Unlike some people, she's not going to be content to bury herself in her work."

"I'm well aware of that, too."

"Then, as I said, the only reason you should be at that window is if you plan to offer up yourself as a replacement."

"Olivia is an employee and a friend. My feelings for her don't extend beyond that."

"Save the bullshit for a jury, Gabriel. Your feelings extend well beyond that. You just won't do a damn thing about them, because you're terrified of trying."

"Terrified?" He gave a short laugh. "While your choice of words is highly dramatic--"

"--my sentiment is dead-on?"

"Hardly. I have no interest--"

"You have every interest, and it's driving you crazy. Would it change anything if you knew she'd reciprocate?"

"No."

"So it's not fear of rejection. It's fear that it won't work. That you'll drive her off. That in trying for more, you'll lose her completely."

I always do.

He rubbed his temples again.

"Gabriel . . . ?" Concern in her voice now as she stepped forward.

He moved away from her. "As entertaining as it might be to try extending your powers to mind reading, I find the need to continually defend myself against groundless accusations irritating."

She kept her voice low. "I only want you to be happy."

"Then allow me to continue this vigil in peace, because what I'm doing, had you asked, is waiting until they finish their conversation so I can return to the task of making sure I don't go to jail for murder. That would make me happy."

"No, that would just be a relief. What makes you happy is her."

She walked away before he could reply. He turned back to the window.

She was right, of course. Not about all of it. Any sexual attraction was an unavoidable matter of biology. He was spending his days in the company of an attractive young woman and it had . . . been a while.

Sex was a problem for someone uncomfortable with physical intimacy. When he'd been a teenager or a college student, the drive overrode the revulsion. As he got older, the edge wore off that drive, and the anonymity he needed became much harder to come by when he made a conscious effort to get as much public exposure as possible. Women might pretend to have no idea who he was, but afterward he'd often get a "Remember me?" call at the office. The last one had actually shown up there. That had been almost a year ago. Which explained the "issues" with Olivia. He could solve them by breaking his dry spell but he recoiled at the thought. And he had a feeling it wouldn't be more than a very temporary solution. Because, if he was being honest, there was more to his attraction than biology. That didn't matter, though. Having such a relationship with Olivia introduced far too many uncontrollable variables into the equation.

She won't stay. She never does.