No Humans Involved (Otherworld 7)

"You don't need to apologize. I started it."

"Ah, yes, right."

He sat there for a moment, hair hanging forward, then gave it an impatient brush back. I resisted the urge to put my arms around his neck and bury myself in another kiss. His expression told me he wouldn't argue, but that this wasn't a step he was entirely ready to take.

I settled for resting my hand on his thigh. He laid his hand on mine, fingers sliding under my palm and squeezing.

"I love it when you're indecisive," I said.

A pause, as if he wasn't sure he'd heard right, then a laugh so abrupt it was almost a bark. "Oh?"

I eased closer, leg against his. His hand slid from my waist to my hip, bringing me closer still.

I said, "When I first met you in Miami, you were so sure of yourself, so...in charge. You spoke; everyone listened. Even Benicio Cortez. Hell, even Cassandra lets you tell her what to do."

"I'm not so sure about that."

"She just likes to pretend it's her idea. A vampire can't seem to be obeying a werewolf--it's just not done."

He laughed, rubbing my hip.

"It's a bit daunting, you know, being around someone that self-assured. So it's nice, now and then, to get a hint that the armor isn't as impenetrable as it looks."

"The armor is full of chinks, I'm afraid. The trick is to keep it polished to such a brilliant shine that everyone is blind to the holes."

"Is that it?"

He looked down at me, his crooked grin almost boyish. "Yes, that's it."

He stayed there, head angled, lips slightly parted. My heart started thumping. But he turned away.

"That's one problem of being Alpha. You have to act with complete confidence. It's the wolf in us. Uncertainty makes us nervous. Smacks of weakness. An Alpha must be resolute in all things. He should have no misgivings, no second thoughts, no doubts."

"But sometimes you do," I said softly.

He met my gaze. "Most times I do." He turned to look out at the lake. "I've always been happy being Alpha. It's a lot of responsibility, but I love that--not the power, but the ability to affect change. Sometimes though...lately..." He took his hand off mine and brushed back his hair. "Under certain circumstances, the restrictions can be...not what I'd choose, if I had the choice. Like coming here. For most people, a simple matter. Make travel arrangements and go."

"But you have responsibilities."

"Not just that. To come here alone, without backup, without a bodyguard..." He shook his head. "To explain to you how much work it took would make the whole thing sound ridiculous. But I am the Alpha. I cannot do as I like, go where I like. Even an outside werewolf who has no particular grudge against me would consider attacking me if I crossed his path. To kill the Pack Alpha would solidify his status in our world. For the rest of his life, every werewolf he met would clear out of his way. The Alpha before me--Antonio's father--was inarguably the best fighter of his time, but he never left Pack territory without a guard. To do otherwise is to threaten the stability of the Pack for something as petty as privacy."

My cheeks got hot. "I'm sorry. I never thought--"

He squeezed my leg. "No one expected you to. I didn't come to L.A. to be polite, Jaime. I came because I wanted to spend time with you. Alone."

His gaze met mine and held, making sure the words sunk in. "The area is as safe as we could make it. I even managed to convince them that I didn't need Antonio lurking in San Diego, awaiting an emergency call, though I suspect Karl isn't in Arizona this week by accident. Elena probably sent him there, hoping--being Karl--it wouldn't seem suspicious."

I nodded.

"I won't be Alpha forever," he said. "But I will be for longer than I planned."

"Because of the babies."

He nodded.

I said, "Elena needs to concentrate on them, on being a mom, not an Alpha."

"Which doesn't mean I can't continue to train her. Antonio and I will keep nudging her into leadership, getting her accustomed to the idea, but we can't push."