Personal Demon (Otherworld 8)

He let out an oath on a blast of chaos so sharp I arched my head back and shuddered.

"Like that, do you?" he said.

I grinned. "You know I do."

"Damn you."

"Mmm." I nibbled the side of his neck. "Tell me more...like what you meant that morning."

A growl and another string of obscenities.

I writhed under him. "Not bad. But it needs a little more venom. Say it like you mean it."

"I wish I could. You have no idea, sometimes, how much I wish I could."

He grabbed me in a kiss so hard, so rich with frustration, that had he reached for my jeans again, I wouldn't have stopped him. Instead, he broke it off and sighed.

"You're right," he said.

"Hurts, doesn't it?"

"Damn you."

A moment's silence. Then he rolled off me and propped his head up on his arm. I twisted onto my side to face him.

"This is going to take a while."

"I've got all night."

A noise, half sigh, half growl. "All right then. When I went to Europe, I planned to take you with me. I'd make it sound like a whim. A lark. Light and casual. Then morning came, and I realized you'd know it wasn't a spur-of-the-moment decision, and if I was telling myself it was light or casual..."

He shook his head. "I wanted to forget about it, but I couldn't. So I told myself I'd mention the job, see your reaction when I said I was leaving."

"See how crushed I was?"

A muscle in his cheek twitched at the coolness in my voice, but after a moment he nodded.

"And when I wasn't upset enough, you had to keep pushing. See what did upset me. Not just flying off to Europe for a few days, but indefinitely...and maybe I should date other guys while you were gone. See if anything dug in enough to hurt."

"Yes."

I scrambled up. "You bastard."

"Hope--"

"No." I backed away. "You want brownie points for being honest? You hurt me just to see if you could, just to prove that I have feelings for you?"

He shook his head. "I didn't want to see if I could get a reaction. I wanted a reaction. I wanted you to think exactly what you did--that you'd been seduced, that I was just as cold and self-serving as you've always suspected. I wanted to walk away and close the door. Slam it, so I could never come back."

"I don't understand."

"I'm not sure I do either."

He pushed to his feet and looked around, then settled onto the couch. I stayed on the floor, arms around my knees.

"I've never understood it," he continued. "What happened that night at the museum. Why I helped you get away from Tristan and why, after I had helped, it was so hard to walk away. Why, even when I did, I couldn't stay away."

He shifted to see me better around the coffee table. "Not that I couldn't understand the attraction. You're beautiful. You're smart. You're fun to be around. But I've been with beautiful women, smart women, fun women, and there wasn't one I didn't walk away from in the morning. I only ever felt a twinge of regret if I had to leave a piece of jewelry behind. At first, I told myself it was because you were a challenge. You weren't interested in me and I wanted to change your mind. But even when I knew I could change your mind, I didn't. Because, if I seduced you, then I'd have no excuse for coming back, and..." A pause. "I wanted the excuse."