“He called you a whore.”
“I'm cheating on him. I hardly think he was out of line.”
“I'd never call you something like that.”
“You say that now, because you like me. Because I've done most of what you asked. Because I agreed to stop sleeping with my fiancé. In two years, when you're sick of my bullshit, when you're jealous and suspicious, because, after all, I cheated with you, so why wouldn't I cheat on you—”
“I'd never treat you like that.”
“Luke—”
“You're right. He calls you a whore, so what? Good for you. Whores are great. I'm a whore. I sold my conscience to run this stupid business with Ryan.”
“Why do we always have to talk about Ryan?” I ask.
“This is important. I love you too much to let you stay with someone who treats you like that.”
“You love me?”
His cheeks turn red. Jesus, he's cute when he blushes.
“I didn't mean. I just…Yes,” he says. “But we'll come back to that.”
“I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to concentrate on anything else,” I say. I reach for Luke, but he pulls away. This is the wrong time, the wrong circumstance. This kind of thing is supposed to be romantic. It's not supposed to be part of yet another conversation about my fiancé.
“Pretend I didn't say it,” he says.
“But—”
“Please. This is important. I can't sit back and watch the strong, capable woman I know, shrink away because of Ryan.”
“You have it all backwards,” I say. “Ryan is why I'm still here.”
“No, you're strong. Y
ou've been through so much and you're still standing. You're still excitable and passionate and full of life.”
“Is this about Samantha?” I ask.
“No, it's about you.”
“But you wouldn't care as much if she hadn't tried to kill herself.”
“I was too jealous and angry to help her, and, she became a shell of herself. She's been a shell of herself since it happened. She might never be herself again. It's selfish, I know, but I can't bear to watch the same thing happen to you.”
“That's not very fair.”
“You have to make me a promise,” he says.
“Again?”
“You have to promise to leave if he ever treats you like he did tonight.”
I try to come up with reasons to say no, but I can't. Luke is right, isn't he? Why should I stay with someone who gets drunk and calls me a whore? Why should I stay with someone who acts like I'm a charity case, obligated to bend to his every whim. Haven't I made enough excuses already?
The Ryan I saw tonight isn't the Ryan I know or love. But lately, that old Ryan, the sweet guy who put me back together, seems further and further away. Maybe the new Ryan has finally done away with him, because the old Ryan would never treat me like he did tonight. And the old Ryan certainly wouldn't let it happen again.
“Why are you so concerned with whether or not I leave Ryan?” I ask.