Fill Me (Rouse Me 3)

I take another step. Squeeze my eyes shut. There's nothing else I can do. Nothing better to do. No other way to block it out.

"Alyssa." It's a whisper, a tiny quiet thing. Luke. It's Luke. I finally open my eyes, and he's right in front of me. But there's still something off about him, a coldness, a hardness, a strangeness.

I can't do this.

I open my mouth, but nothing comes out.

"We are gathered here today..." An officiant is standing before us. But where the hell did he come from?

I nod. Fine. I'll play along. Get through this. I've gotten through plenty before.

The officiant smiles at me. He's in a suit but he's faceless. It's a blur. It's nothing. He's nothing. This is all nothing.

Then something shifts about him. His voice comes into focus. "Who are we kidding? We're here because we're shocked these two finally made it down the aisle. Who did this whore think she was trying to kid before?"

That's Ryan's voice.

That's Ryan.

He glares at me, his eyes tiny orbs of hate. This is all wrong.

I step backwards, but my heel lands on the dress and I stumble. My ass hits the sand.

"Alyssa." Luke reaches for me, but I can't grab his hand. He's too far away. It's like the sand is stretching further and further away.

Everything shifts. The bright sun is gone, and darkness drifts in. It's pitch black. No moon. No stars. Nothing but the sand and the ocean.

I run, my feet pounding across the sand, then landing on my dress. Fuck. My hands hit the sand, and the shock reverberates through my body. It's okay. I'll pick myself up. I'll get out of here.

But there's a sound, and it's getting louder and louder. I close my eyes, willing it to go away, but it only gets louder. It's a wave, a huge wave. I cling to the sand in hopes of holding on to something, anything, as the wave crashes on my back.

The water is freezing cold and it's damn salty. I reach for the sand, but there's nothing but water. Freezing water.

I try and tread, but this dress is so heavy. It's dragging me down. I open my eyes and scan the horizon. There, I can see the land. There's a fire. A flashlight. Something. And Luke is standing there, looking at the water. Looking for me.

"Luke!" I scream, kicking as hard as I can. But the tide pulls at my legs. There's no way I'm getting out of this. There's nothing I can do.

It's over. There's no use in fighting. It's better to surrender.

I jerk upright, gasping as I push the blanket off my chest.

The curtains are wide open and the sun is streaming through the window. Outside, it's all glass and blue sky. I'm still in New York City, in this apartment, alone.

But if it's this bright, my alarm will go off any second. Squinting to block out the light, I make my way to the phone. It's nearly eleven. Past my usual wake-up time. I need to get moving. To fix coffee and breakfast, anything to shake off whatever was running through my mind.

Then it catches my eyes--a glint.

The ring.

Jesus, not again.

This isn't like before. It can't be like before. I was miserable before, miserable with Ryan. I knew I was trapped, giving up everything beyond mere survival.

But I'm barely managing survival now.

I bite my tongue. I can't think like that. This engagement is a good thing. I love Luke. I'm happy to be with him. I want to marry him.

It's not like before.